The 5 Stages Every Lesbian Goes Through

Even if you’re not sure right now where you fall into the gay/straight spectrum, that’s okay. At some point, however, you may come to the point of recognizing that you are in fact, gay. And as with any major life chance or decision, you may naturally begin to move through a number of stages as you grow and deal with that change. I call these stages the 5-As: Avoidance, Acknowledgment, Acceptance and Acclimatization. Wait, that’s only four As, right? That’s because the last stands for how you’ll feel at the end of the journey: Awesome.

Step 1: Avoidance

Whether you’re 7 years old or 27 years old, you might first flinch at the feelings you’re beginning to have for other women. I know I did. After all, it was the exact antithesis of what everyone told me I’d start to feel when I got to that age. Because of this you might start to avoid those feelings, and to hide them from yourself just as much as you do from others.

Perhaps you start spending even more time with boys to compensate for those feelings, or start dating as many men as you can to convince yourself you aren’t gay (okay, maybe that was just me …). Maybe you start talking about boys a lot in front of your girl friends so they don’t have any doubts regarding your sexual allegiance. This is a perfectly natural thing to experience, as realizing you’re gay can be pretty overwhelming and scary.

You might be thinking, “Hell, no! I knew I was gay when I was three years old, and I started dating when I was 5.” Okay, that’s awesome, and I’m sincerely glad to know there are some self-confident women out there who weren’t afraid to make their feelings known. But for some others, I just want you to know that wanting to avoid those feelings is natural. After all, acknowledging them would mean that you’re admitting your entire life as you know it is about to change. The good part? Once you do admit it to yourself, you can finally start acting on it, as well. And that is when things start to get really interesting.

Step 2: Acknowledgment

Eventually, there comes a point in every lesbian’s life when the urge to live the life you were born to live (or your urge to make out with women — whichever comes first) is stronger than your urge to overcome it. That point comes earlier for some and much later for others, but chances are good that if you’re reading this blog, you’re getting pretty close to it.

Still, we can only acknowledge what we’re able to recognize within ourselves. Sometimes it’s difficult to know if we’re gay, and sometimes it’s even more difficult to admit or accept it about ourselves. And once we do, it’s a journey all of its own. Lesbian blogger, The Card Carrying Lesbian, explained it this way:

“[M]ost of us have a pretty rocky road to navigate from the All- American girl who’s supposed to grow up, get married to the man of her dreams and have children, a career and an SUV to realizing your future is never going to be what your mother dreamed of for her little girl.”

Indeed, the acknowledgment phase encompasses much more than acknowledging what being a lesbian means to you. It encompasses all of your ideas regarding how that change will impact your family, your friends, and your employer. Furthermore, it consumes your ideas on what those people think of you.

It can be overwhelming. For some gals, this can be a pretty heavy emotional breaking point in terms of coming in touch with who they really are. But once you break through, you’ll be amazed at the calm that washes over you. And that is when you can enter Step 3.

Step 3: Acceptance

Once you’ve acknowledged that you’re gay, you can finally move on to accepting the new you. It means loving yourself for who you are, and tossing out any feelings of anger or guilt that you might be harboring about the fact that you’re a gay woman.

Does acceptance mean you have to come out to everyone you meet? Absolutely not. After all, straight people don’t walk around telling everyone they’re straight, do they? Acceptance is an entirely personal process. Some might feel comfortable sharing their lifestyle with friends and family, while others may prefer to keep it to themselves until they feel more comfortable with the lifestyle. Others literally pick and choose who they’ll be straight with about being gay.

For instance, if you have a really open-minded boss, you might decide to come out at work … but that doesn’t mean you necessarily want to come out to certain conservative clients. Or, if your grandmother is reaching the end of her life and you think it might upset her to know you’re gay, you might choose to let that one go. Either way, the choice is up to you, and you should never let anyone make you believe otherwise.

Personally, the acceptance stage took me the longest (well over 6 years after I had been with my first girlfriend). It is still new to me as I have only fully accepted my sexuality roughly 6 months ago. However, I must tell you, I have never felt more happier with myself and even the people the around me. The freedom to express who I am and how I feel has really allowed me to become closer with my friends and family because I no longer have to lie and be defensive about certain subjects.

Step 4: Acclimatization

Now comes the fun part: exploration. Learning about your new lifestyle, reading, joining support groups and chat sessions, learning the lingo, exploring your body, and exploring the things that turn you on. For all those sporty lesbians out there, think of this as your Red Shirt phase. A time when you get to learn everything you want to know about being a lesbian from those you respect and trust in preparation for your long-term commitment to the team.

This is the period where you’ll have a chance to start defining what type of lesbian (and person) you are, what type of women you are attracted to, and what role you want to play in the your relationships. For many, this is where the fun truly begins, and where you start to feel “at home” within yourself. Like I said, it’s Awesome. It’s also a point at which you might start to explore something else that’s pretty awesome — playing a part in the greater Lesbian Community, The Other Team ;).

Step 5: Awesomeness

No explanation necessary.

What You Might Be Saying

Avoidance: “I like guys. No, really.”

Acknowledgement: “I like girls. Eeek!”

Acceptance: “I like girls. Hell, yeah!”

Acclimatization: “I love girls. Let me at ‘em!”

Awesomeness: “Hey, cutie. What’s yo number?”

If you would like extra guidance... I HIGHLY recommend that you grab yourself a copy of The Lesbian Lifestyle Book. It is the only guide you will ever need as a lesbian or bisexual woman.

Click Here To Get The Lesbian Lifestyle Book.

What stage are you at now? Or which stage was the most difficult for you? Let me know in the comments section below!

Get exclusive lesbian tips and advice straight to your inbox, FREE!


  1. Alison says

    For the longest time I thought I was “broken” or “scared”, because all my friends where like “isn’t this guy so hot?” Well no, he’s not, and he needs to put his shirt back on. No man looksgod with a shirt off.

    I dedecided that didn’t mean anything, I was just scared from that time I was 11 and accidentally walked on a guy masturbating in the women’s restroom. And that was why I wasn’t at all interested in men or there bodies, and everything would change when I met “the right guy.”

    My work helped me figure this out, everyone is super accepting there, and I became friends with a few open lesbians there. (And also, unfortunately developed a baby crush on a straight co-worker. But we’re friends now and everything is good.)
    I started dating this guy from work because he was there when I started then he took the summer off but when he came back he actually remembered who I was. This was a big deal for me, seeing as people I saw a week ago tended to forget who I was. That was like a two month relationship, he tried to kiss me near the end, but I never kissed him back. Then he kinda dumped me.
    He has literally nothing on my emotions, I can talk to him like anyone else and feel literally nothing.

    I’ve always noticed when women flirt with me, but men? No, I’m an oblivious dork.

    Now? I’ve started dating this girl, I’ve never had butterflies before this, I’ve never been turned on and I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone like I want her. She’s just so perfect and always in my mind, and I’m really accepting being a lesbian. Like I plan romantic (or hopefully romantic) dates for herI have feelings for I could never imagine with a guy. Hell yeah, it’s awesome!

    But there’s my parents, I want to tell them, I’ve always had an open relationship with my mom, except about this. And there Christians, whenever homosexuality is mentioned my mom seems so against it.tioned my mom s

    • Ash J says

      I’m 13 yrs and 11 months. I don’t know when it happened but I just stopped liking guys. Only girls seemed cute and romantic. My mother does not like homosexuals, but she doesn’t care about them either. I don’t know what’s going to happen if I tell her. I got a crush on this girl a few weeks ago, and she’s just so cute. I don’t know if she’s straight or lez, and I just feel so nervous. What if she finds out and makes fun of me?

    • leah says

      I need help I’m 15 and in 11th grade I think I’m les I just found out. people around me hate gays my mum thinks all gays would go to hell my dad thinks gays are crazy my siblings don’t have a problem with gay.

      • leah says

        I have always known I had a problem with guys whenever they try to ask me out I just turn out to be speechless I didn’t even know the community hated gay people. I actually found out when I was 12 and I had a friend who asked me to teach her how to dance and she would come closer to me and we striped our clothes off I didn’t even know having sex with a girl was considered sex ever since that day I started crushing on girls please I need help my parents would disown me if they found out.

  2. Rara says

    I’m thirteen and until a couple months ago, the thought never even crossed my mind that I could be gay. In fact, I had convinced myself that I was asexual because I wasn’t attracted to men, being gay was out of the question at that time. And even though I have always been completely supportive of the LGBTQIA community, growing up in a homophobic family won’t help at all when it comes to suppressing your sexuality, so I never really thought about it, and when I did, I would just push the thoughts aside and tell myself it was just me being a weirdo.

    I’ve always loved the computer and making friends online because of my anti-social tendencies, so it was always easier for me to socialize with people, and over time I met allot of people; one of which was male and confessed his feelings for me. I turned him down and the whole situation just made me uncomfortable, I always thought I was either strait or asexual (but I was leaning more to strait) but just the thought of being in a relationship with a man made me uncomfortable, like it was just something I didn’t want to do and that was it.

    So eventually I made a new friend, female, and we clicked like that —as appose to my past relationship with the guy who confessed to me, we ended up ‘breaking up’ friend-wise— and honestly I knew I felt something special for this girl right when I met her but I didn’t know exactly what. During that time I was questioning my morals allot and sort of began to figure it out, at first I assumed I was bisexual, I guess the transition was a bit too much for me after suppressing my sexuality for so long, so I just went with that, but after we grew closer I began to recognize these feelings for her and they got stronger. I fell legit head over heels in love with her, and we haven’t even been friends for a year. I’m not sure if she feels the same, she’s told me that she thinks she’s either bisexual or a lesbian and we’ve had conversations about what we like in women and men, and we agreed on everything, I’m just not sure if she actually thinks that or if she is just really impressionable. And that brings me to the current situation which is really me struggling to come to a conclusion on whether or not I should confess to her, she’s been so supportive of my statement on being a lesbian and she’s just so supportive in general, we haven’t fought once. My plan is to confess to her if we ever meet up in real life, that way everything would be allot more special and my feelings would feel more confirmed seeing her in real life, you know?

    Anyways the only problem, despite the gigantic crush, is that my family is extremely homophobic (which i mentioned in the beginning of my comment) but my mom is especially homophobic and she once kicked my sister out of the house for the rest of her life because she had a secret cellphone… imagine what would happen to me… she has herself convinced that gay people are part of the illuminate and they will all go to hell… can you tell she’s religious? But yeah, my plan is to come out once I’m on my feet, I’ve moved out, and hopefully began a successful relationship with the girl I love; that way no one can do anything to me but disown me, and honestly that’s not too big of a deal as of now, what I’m most concerned with is my living situation and health, so considering my age, I think I’ll keep it to myself until I’m old enough to support myself ;)

    • Faye says

      You don’t have to come out yet. I understand exactly how you feel. I thought my mom was going to hate me. She ended up being okay with it actually, that was a relief. However my brother and I get into arguments over it. He doesn’t seem to approve that much. What helped me come out was I decided F it all. I’m not going to hide this piece of me any more. If my family can’t except it I’ll go somewhere else. I was 12. I know that seems young, but when you know you know. It can be scary, but you don’t have to do it know. You can wait, also just because they are related doesn’t automatically make them family. You pick your family, and your family doesn’t judge you for something a simple as your sexual preference. If you come out and all hell breaks loose, it will be okay. It will get better. Maybe not at first, and yes they may not accept it, but it will be okay. Besides “who wants to be normal. What is normal? A setting on a washing machine, and no one wants to be that.” -Ashley Purdy

      • Pinkie Pie =3 says

        Why should we hide our feelings? It is best to let them out and explore what this new world could bring you.YAY^0^

    • Pinkie Pie =3 says

      It’s a-ok bro, nobody knows these feeling until they truly find the right person. I knew I was a les. when I met my friend, we have become les’s without people knowing, but we’ve gotten comfortable with the feeling!^O^

    • Pinkie Pie =3 says

      YOU ARE LESBIAN, DEAL WITH IT…….I hate when I think about girls myself and feel gity and start to embarrass myself. My friend and I are about to have a sleepover and she knows we have been liking each other ever since.Ugh…..I’m sorry for typing so much lol. Each person can have their own way on how they look at themselves. your family should also know about how you feel, because you’ll feel terrible if you don’t tell them in about a year or so.^o^

      ~Areeona Schutter =3

  3. K says

    I’m 11 and in 5th grade, sometime last year I realized my feelings. At first I was confused and tried telling myself I was just like being weird and then I met this girl… We’ve become great friends and I don’t want to mess that up, I haven’t told my family or friends that I’m a lesbian (I am certain now.). I have a great guy friend who I will be okay with it and won’t tell ,but I just don’t know how to tell him. Advice?

  4. Kitty says

    I know people will think I’m crazy and im ok with that but im in 5th grade and I think I’m lesbian I have a huge crush on my friend and I really like her I can’t even talk to her with out
    Tripping over my words like I really want some help with this I don’t want to tell my mom because we are Christian I was watching Tylor Oakley on YouTube and my mom walked by and asked me what I was watching I told her his name and she went in her room she came back out 15 mins lader and told me not to watch him any more I asked her why and she said because he is gay and its a bad influence I got really mad and stormed off I wish someone would help me know because I’m really scared plzzzzz help

    • Methelarryshipper says

      Well. It’s ok if you are gay. ‘ you’re living your life. And yes I know how that feels. It’s an amazing and embarrassing feeling to like your friend. Trust me I know. :3 and if she doesn’t want you to watch stuff like Tyler then don’t watch them while she’s there. I remember when I was in 7th grade, I had just learned about one direction. And I said that there was a gay couple. My mum would freak and tell me not to watch them or anything. After years passed she saw that me and my friend started getting closer and closer. And she started asking me if I was lesbian or if she was. I would get defensive. And now she’s really accepting of gay people, she plays tricks on me so I can come out to her. Just keep talking to her about gay people and maybe her opinion on them will change. That’s what happened with my mum. Even though I still don’t come out. Good luck xx

    • kathy says

      Its okay sweetie, Shes your mom and at some point if you are a lesbian she will have to accept it, yeah maybe it will take her time but she will, it will be alright(:

    • Emma says

      Hi I’m Emma I’m in 5th grade try and come out around high school and then explain that your lesbian it’s ok :)

    • Pinkie Pie =3 says

      Sweety, tell your mother straight out, these are your feelings, if she yeells at you, SO WHAT?! She’ll understand in a few months, even though your Christian, I am too, but I (am going to tell my family soon) but I am also a lesbian. Embrass your inner lesbian, don’t let it bring you down if it’s what you really want.=) If this is what you want, tell the world for all I care. P.S, that guy is gay for his own reasons too FYI to your mom.

  5. Shanna G says

    Well, it was bound to happen, and on January 14 it did. I came out to my husband, whom I have been with since I was 20, and asked for divorce. So, let me set the stage for you. During this past year, 2014, we were trying to work things out after he had accused me of cheating (which I hadn’t…I actually stopped seeing the writing partner whom I had fallen for before anything could happen).. Now, I had been toying with the idea of treating myself to a night at a strip club, just so I could once and for all confirm my suspicions that I am gay without sacrificing another woman’s emotions or my own. I was on in mid December so I went to a club near my house one evening. And I had my eyes literally open. I’m not bi, there is no question after what I encountered at the club, that I am gay. Turns out several of the dancers who frequent the club I went to also work out in the same location I do. So, first off, they recognized me. Secondly, I was reluctant to show interest, considering I’d never been to a club before I was very intimidated by such beautiful women. But, as I said, some of them knew me from the gym. So right off the bat they were drawn to me. That I wasn’t used to. I ended up striking up quite a lengthy conversation with one of them, and eventually she gave me…well several lap dances without charging me. I restrained myself, and didn’t go beyond that the first evening. The following morning I was basically a wreck, crying and thinking I was the lowest life form, thinking because of how shy I am coming out isn;t going to work because I don’t know how to approach women to let them know I’m interested. I’m great playing the friend…but to seek something more? Well fast forward several weeks later, my husband and I had a HUGE fight on 1/14. Words were exchanged, and I was already bitter from the prior arguments in 2014, stressed from work and beating myself up over my sexuality. I bluntly said I’m gay, I want a divorce, and stormed out of the house, heading back to the club. At the club, after exchanging polite conversation with the door girl and bartender (also who go to my gym) I found a corner away from the stage, just to watch I told myself. Well I guess my “friend” saw me getting plastered and not my usually charming self I am at the gym, so we talked, I told her what happened. One thing lead to another and well, now I know…there is no denying I’m gay after that night. I’ve come out to my most of my family (not my mother or older sister directly, but they know). Most of the cousins and aunts are supportive. One cousin is even trying to hook her friend up with me. and thats all good but they live in Seattle…I’m in Phoenix. Aside from my soon-to-be ex, I have no one to talk to or confide in locally, and it has made me depressed some days. I’m not beating myself up as I did before I came out, but I still find the prospect of being alone after 17 years of marriage with no dating skill, not knowing many people in the area who ARENT my husbands friends, and all that. There are centers for teens in dealing with this, but right now I need local friends, and the bar isnt the place to do that. What should I do?

    • Anonymous says

      Hey there,
      I’m in Phoenix :) not looking for a girlfriend at this time however I admire your honesty…finally a strong woman
      I’m 100% lesbian, never have been with or thought of being with a man and have always been out. ..Welcome to the world of freedom…would love to hear from you as a friend

  6. C. says

    I think I have the opposite of this problem. I’m trying to determine for myself if I am lesbian or bisexual.. if I am actually attracted to men at all anymore.

    A little back story: Okay so I’m 25. Up until about 6 months ago, I had never been with a woman more than making out and a little bit of second base. But I have known that I am attracted to women since I was 16. I never dated them in the past because I wasn’t fully out and come from a very religious family. And have heard way too many horror stories of friends coming out and getting disowned, kicked out, etc.

    Well I finally decided it was time. And if anyone didn’t like it.. well they knew where to put it and could get out of my life, family included. So I came out,. I guess the big motivator was that I found a woman I really liked. Well when I came out, I was dating a man. We ended up breaking up. I told him and really thought this, that I am actually a lesbian. But I am not so sure yet. I was obviously attracted to him, but this is one man not men as a whole. Then again I knew him very well and we had a lot in common. I loved him on a deeper level, more like a best friend than anything I think. I mean, we hardly had sex anyway, we played video games together (I won), and watched tv. That’s about it. I also noticed he is somewhat more feminine than the average male, just in his personality being so quiet, passive and sensitive.

    Anyway, I started noticing women a lot more. I noticed that I was attracted to a larger number of women than men and every time a guy would flirt or even try to make small talk with me, I got annoyed. Still do lol. And the flirting is veryy annoying. Also I find that my body reacts a lot more physically to women I find attractive than men. I started dating this woman. To this day she is the only female I have ever actually been with intimately. I found that I like very much uh.. oral acts with women.. I could live down there haha. And I have NEVER liked that with men. Only did it because I felt I should.

    Also, I like being penetrated however, I do not like the look of a naked man’s body. It’s actually a huge turn off!!! Friends laugh at me because if a guy is naked in a movie I turn away disgusted usually. There is one celebrity exception, Ryan Reynolds… yea. But I love the curves of a female’s shape…breasts are my favorite part. Yet I like butch girls. I’m not sure my taste makes any sense whatsoever. So now you see why I am questioning it. I find maybe a couple of guys physically attractive.. 3 max. But a lot of butch girls.

    So any feedback would be appreciated as far as opinions.. I’m pretty positive I’m a true bisexual that just leans towards women. Oh and I’m dating that guy again.. but I think he’s the last guy I will ever be with. I don’t think I could deal with intimacy with any other man again. Especially after experiencing how amazing relationships with women are in comparison.

    Food for thought! :)


    • heyyy says

      I am having the same problem. I started dating girls a few years ago and came out to my friends as a lesbian. I am almost 30 now and have been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend the past year. However, throughout this past year I guess I never fully committed to her, as I still flirted with others and didn’t think about what the future truly meant. I have always been one foot in and one foot out since the beginning because when we met we were so different from one another. She partied a lot, I didn’t. I play sports, she watches. She’s very free spirited, yet i am conservative and a worrier. However, she has changed so much and always compromises for me, yet I am always trying to change her–telling her not to smoke, not to really drink and so forth. I feel bad as she loves unconditionally and it has always been my way or the high way. So, I know I need to change that aspect. She is a great balance for me, we have wonderful chemistry, love, and laugh all the time. However, the main issue here is I am having a crisis. She is 36 and wants kids and a family and I do too. However, I am now sooooo freaked out about having kids with a girl and not being able to blend with society. I also worry about a lot- lesbian bed death, possible divorce, my concern for being a same sex family. So I wonder if I should just look to marry a man and raise kids with a man. I am attracted to men and have dated men before, but women are absolutely beautiful. I know I can love a man, but I know with a woman in the bedroom its more on fire and I am “in love” with women….with a man, its just sex… I am really struggling with this. I am putting so much pressure on myself to figure it out too because I worry I will either 1)come out completely and be with her and look to have kids with her and we will break up and then i will want to be with a man 2) I am getting older and want to start planning for marriage and kids. I broke up with my girlfriend last month (extremely difficult) as i am having an identity crisis and trying to figure out what I want and need. Please help with any advice. I thought i went through the 5 stages, but apparently now back to the beginning…. Has anyone else went through this?

      • tony says

        I like that part about your concern about having kids with girl.

        I wasn’t aware that a woman could have kids with another woman.

        Is your partner trans-gendered, with a penis.

        • Rachel says

          Tony, there are several avenues by which a woman can raise a child with another woman (e.g. in vitro, artificial insemination, adoption, surrogacy, etc.)

          • Pinkie Pie=3 says

            Listen, it doesn’t matter if you want to adopt or make a baby or child, but it’s the person you feel content with.They should know how you feel for them. I’m only 12, but I already understand half of this crap. I haven’t told my mother yet, but soon… will take time, even for you:)

    • Rachel says

      I’m having the exact same issue. I’m 20, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a bit over a year, and for the past few months we both knew something just wasn’t right. I was trying to ignore it (lol when does that ever work?), but a few weeks ago he confronted me about it, and we had a very heated argument where it felt like I was coming out all over again. He already knew that I’m bisexual, but I guess he’d never actually dealt with anything like this in a relationship… But what I do know is that I’ve been completely aware of the fact that I’m attracted to girls, and I came out to myself and my parents around age 16. He took it much better than they did, probably because this was just a reiteration of what I told him in the beginning of our relationship.

      I had a long term boyfriend before my current boyfriend, and it turns out (s)he’s transgender, and from what (s)he told me, (s)he’s eventually going to go through hormone therapy to become a woman. So, I’m not sure if I was attracted to the feminine aspects of him(her) or what, because I’ve always known that I find male genitalia kind of frightening.

      I’ve never been with a woman other than making out and second base, like you said in your experience, and I have no idea how to even approach women, especially since I know I’m not in a place for another relationship right now.

      But as far as advice goes, being honest with my boyfriend was the greatest relief I have ever felt in my entire life. He’s my best friend and he (through a grief and tear stricken conversation) took it better than I could have hoped. I know he loves me, and I love him too, just not in the same way. But since he loves me, he knows the shit inner turmoil I’m going through, and honestly truly accepts me the way I am.

      We’re still together at the moment because I’m living at his parents’ house (since they’re close to my college and I’d rather not waste money on rent), but we’ve talked about how we’re going to make our friendship work after the term is over. He’s honestly one of the best people I’ve ever known, and I’m just lucky that he still wants to be my friend, but if I’d kept the secret in for much longer it would’ve destroyed both my mental health and our friendship.

      I guess what I’m saying is that if he doesn’t know, tell him. And if he does know, talk it through with him and explain where you’re at emotionally and psychologically and sexually. It all depends on where you’re at and where you want to be; only you know that for sure.

  7. Anonymous says

    It is in my honest humble opinion that you lesbians are….morons. First, many of you claim to like men at first. Then you claim to have feels during 12 & 13 yrs old range (who the fuck thinks about having sex at that age?!?!). Then you claim you had those feelings from the “start” when you obviously haven’t. And to make matters worst, you feel the need to “come out” & tell everyone about how much of a lesbian you are.

    Here’s a thought: How about being lesbian & shutting the hell up about it! No one cares. I’m heterosexual, but you don’t see me flaunting it in peoples’ faces. The moment perverts “come out of their closets” you become obnoxious & annoying. And I have come to the conclusion that I really don’t like you guys (yeah I’m a “homophobe”, deal with it & cry me a river) . Gay this, gay that, how to have lesbian sex….sex sex sex…gay gay gay….is all you queers ever think about. Shut up! I don’t want to hear nor care about what you do with your genetialia. Being lesbian doesn’t make you a “community”, it’s a damn fetish! You pervs make the Sonic fanbase look intelligent

    • A.J. says

      What the actual fuck?
      If you don’t like it, then ignore it for fuck’s sake. Nobody here wants to hear your narrow-minded opinion, so leave us alone and go talk to people who actually want to listen to your shit.
      What I don’t understand is why you even visited this page, if you hate gay people oh so much ??
      Oh, one last thing, just because someone’s gay, doesn’t mean that they are not intelligent bastard, but it seems like you are pretty dumb yourself, so your thoughts shouldn’t matter anyway.
      Whatever, I’ll leave you alone now, bye.

      Excuse my english, it’s not my native language.

    • Anonymous says

      Exuse me, I’m interjecting okay I am a new generation girl and sex is all we think about I’m in Eighth grade

    • DaisyMaya says

      You know this is a LESBIAN WEBSITE. Most people on here are lesbian or bisexual, so homophobia won’t get you anywhere here.

  8. hunny says

    I’m a junior in high school, an i’ve always liked boys, and i was even in love with two. I didn’t like any of the guys i’ve dated so that’s why i assume i didn’t like kissing them. I don’t know why, but for the last week i can’t stop thinking that i’m gay. I kissed a girl like two years ago and i didn’t feel anything. But i think i’m being paranoid because of Torres in Grey’s Anatomy or Connor Franta who said he dated girls he didn’t like and i just got really really confused… So, my question is, did any of you who are gay have feelings for guys? P.S. I have a lot of fantasies about men, but also about girls, but that’s started recently. Sorry if I sound stupid.

    • DaisyMaya says

      I’m bisexual, and the first three crushes I had were on girls. Then later, I had crushes on guys, on girls, it worked out equal in the end. It’s actually quite hard to realise that you’re bisexual, especially if the first few crushes you ever had were on only one gender. So what I’m saying is it is a possibility that you could be bisexual and your first few crushes happened to be on only one gender.

      Hope this helps! :)

  9. annarose says

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    Okay, here goes. I’m confused. About a year ago, in my junior year of high school, the thought suddenly popped into my head that “hey, I might like girls!” At first I was freaked just by the suddenness of this thought, now I’m freaked because I don’t know if it’s true or not. I really started feeling strong urges again this year while watching a tv show with a lesbian couple on it. Watching them made me feel warm inside and their love just seemed so special and magical. What confuses me is that I also thought I was destined to be a gymnast after watching Make it or Break it…I’m worried that I kind of just want to be a lesbian, and actually am not. I have no idea what to do from here. I had a short relationship with a guy and found that I liked talking to him but absolutely hated kissing him (and couldn’t imagine it going any further), and I don’t know whether that was just with him or representative of all guys. I want to branch out and try new things but I don’t know how to do that right now. From reading this website it seems like a lot of people have gone through similar situations, so if anyone has any advice or encouragement I could use it, especially at a time when I am trying to figure out my future with college and everything this is yet another huge crossroads I have to deal with. And I want to deal with it, I just don’t know how to figure out if my lack of interest in guys and minor interest in girls is just my way of trying to stand out or is who I actually am.

    • Anonymous says

      Try kissing a girl to see what feelings you have, even if you are not planning on a relationship just go with the feeling you will defenitly find out if you are a lesbian or not

  10. Anon13 says

    I dont even know where to begin. I appologise for the length of this and if none of this makes sense or doesn’t flow very well but i’m a little all over the place at the moment.

    I’m a mum of 2 by different fathers and currently engaged to the father of my second child. I’m having alot of doubts about my sexualtiy and my current relationship despite never being intimate past kissing (which i enjoyed) with another woman. I can’t figure out if i’m straight, lesbian or bi on top of everything else.

    The first time i can remember feeling unsure of my sexuality was when i was in Year 6 at primary school and i had a small crush on a friend. She was in the same class as me and we did everything together. She was a complete tomboy and i thought she was possibly into girls too, (Now we’re in our 20’s she has a boyfriend and were not friends anymore due to me moving) Not thinking much of it at the time i told a few of my friends who just laughed thinking i was joking, so to save embarrassment I went along with their thoughts.

    I guess the uncertanties died down again until i was in secondary school year 8/9 (can’t quite remember) when i met a new PE teacher who i’ll call Miss J. She was beautiful, funny, sexy and i felt myself not only fantasizing about her but I felt as if i loved her. I always wondered what it would be like to kiss her lips, be intimate with her and have a relationship with her. I felt like i always wanted to be around her. (TMI Warning) Just learning how to pleasure myself id constantly think of her, sometimes Id cry myself to sleep worrying about my sexuality and others just longing to be with her. Even thinking about her now makes me feel the same was I did back then.

    After Miss J left i thought everything was ok but i then saw myself looking at my female classmates in a completely different light. They’re hair or the perfume they wore, the way their bums moved when they walked and their breasts!! I of course put all of this down to normal teenage confusion as i still think i sort of fancied boys.

    My first boyfriend was when i was 16 and lost my virginity to him. At the time i really did feel as if i loved him and despite him cheating i stayed with him for 6 months and the sex was god damn awful!! After we spearated I was never single for very long. I don’t know why but i was a little too easy as such. I guess i wanted a conection with someone and being young and stupid i thought sex was the way to get them to want to be with me.

    I fell pregnant at 17 and me and the dad seperated whilst i was expecting, I never liked him nor was i attracted to him or enjoyed sex with him. After the birth of my first child i met my current partner. We’ve been together for 5 years and due to get married this year. We have a child together and i do love him. I was attracted to him and to an extent i still am but i’ve again never enjoyed the sex, only oral. I don’t even want to kiss him sometimes. I’m not sure if i love him as a wife or as a best friend. I still love cuddles together in bed and doing things together as a couple and family but still something doesnt feel right.

    I sometimes see lesbian couples on tv or in person and i want that connection. I want a relationship with a woman, the same as a man and woman do. The idea of sex with a woman turns me on but it isnt just that.

    I guess where im confused is I still want to marry him but i feel as if it isnt right. I’m scared to marry him and also to not marry him. I don’t even know how i would begin to start up a conversation about this. I’m selfishly worried what if no one will want me because of the situation with me having kids. I’m also not even sure if im a lesbian or if im bisexual. I also feel as if i owe it to my kids to have a stable household to grow up in and seeing as i’ve got myself into this mess why should anyone else get hurt because of me and my actions and feelings. I really need help and my head is a mess.

    • Anonymous says

      First I’d not get too hung up on labels. Most people do when questioning their sexuality because society tells is we need to “fit in” somewhere an will thereby gain acceptance from others if we choose a label. The best thing to do for yourself — which is what you appear to be dojng- is to pay attention to how you feel and be open to those feelings with compassion and not judgment. We are told by society-and this is why there are many people who believe- that people are either 100 percent straight or 100 percent gay or 50/50 bisexual. The truth is most humans don’t fit in these nice neat boxes nor do they honestly experience their sexuality in this way but they try to analyze how they perceive their sexuality through this way because it is what makes the “most sense” according to what society says. Please keep this in mind when you thinking about “what label you are” because hopefully it will allow you to take a deep breath and bring compassion to yourself knowing that you will slowly live your answers amd embrace the uncertainty of the process. This is your process and only you get to decide what is best for you. Don’t let anybody tell you what your label is only you can answer that whether you choose a label or not. Also, you are engaged and when people get engaged and go through such a major life transition it is normal to question all aspects of who you are including your sexuality. That is a major commitment. Having children also is a major commitment and I can understand why you would want to ensure stability in their lives. But if you are not happy then your children will notice so it is very important that you listen to yourself and take your time. It’s hard because your anxiety could be rooted in more than just “knowing your sexual identity” it is also likely rooted in your beliefs about love and marriage and your own beliefs surrounding your self worth and fears of being alone among other things. Take your time. You don’t have to make a decision now. If you feel pressure from people to make a decision when you are not ready then maybe you have to reevaluate whether this relatiomship is what to really want. Sending positive support your way. You aren’t alone. The good thing is you question this now before you get married and are reaching out for support .

  11. Amy says

    I’ve been struggling with who I am for a few years now, and if anyone has any advice, I’d really love to hear it. Thanks!
    So, about a year and a half ago, I was friends with a group of girls, who were all lesbian, and would frequently talk about cute girls, and actresses and the like. From hanging out with them, I realized that I actually thought girls were pretty cute, at least aesthetically. I grew pretty close to one of the girls in the group, and we held hands and talked a lot (in a platonic way), and somewhere during that time I quietly started referring to myself mentally as maybe being bisexual. However, I went through a pretty tough time at the end of that year, and ended up splitting up as friends from the girl, who was somewhat emotionally abusive at the time, and it was just bad. After this, I started questioning whether I had just convinced myself that I also liked girls in order to fit in with her friends, and I was actually straight.
    Then a few months later, (and this is a little bit embarrassing) I was watching some music videos, and I realized that I was really attracted to the girls in the video, and from there I deduced that I might actually be bisexual.
    However, I started reexamining all the crushes I had ever had on boys, and even though I only really had four crushes (and three of them were before I was even a teenager), three of them were on very feminine guys, all of whom had long hair. With two of the boys, all of my friends told me that we would be good together, and that we should date, and the third boy was someone who looked and acted exactly like one of the other boys my friends had teased me about, and I’m still not sure if any of the feelings I had for them were genuine or I had just convinced myself that I liked them because of my friends (the fourth boy I was eight, so not much I remember there).
    After reexamining all of my feelings for the various boys I had liked at some point or another, I came to the realization that I was far more romantically attracted to girls than boys, and when I would picture myself in the future, I saw myself with a girl, when I pictured myself dating someone, they were female. I also struggled with the idea of possibly being asexual; the idea of having sex with anyone disgusts me, but I’m only 15 and I don’t know whether or not this is just me being young. Its rare for me to be really sexually attracted to anything, and at the same time, I realized that I was more sexually attracted to girls than boys.
    The only thing that stopped me from ruling out boys all together was two things: one, that I still looked at boys and thought they were attractive, in kind of a “wow I like how their hair looks” way, but I’m not sure if that means any thing. Can you still think someone is visually cute but not be attracted to them? And the second thing being that I had a crush on a boy. This was one of the two boys who I had mentioned my friends telling me multiple times that I should date him.
    As I’m writing this, three days ago that boy asked me out, and after months of liking him, I guess it should have felt good, but I didn’t feel anything. I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment, and I feel very uncomfortable dating someone, but I said yes because he’s one of my best friends and I didn’t want to lose him. I got home from school today and I felt like crying because I’m so unhappy with the idea of dating someone. I know dating someone shouldn’t make me this unhappy, especially if I am attracted to boys, but it’s just uncomfortable for me.
    For a while (a few days, which I suppose just goes to show how confused I’ve been about this) I was really sure about being bisexual, but after being asked out by a guy and feeling nothing except discomfort, I’m not sure if I even like guys at all.
    However, I keep swinging back to maybe being straight, but the idea of me being straight seems so wrong to me. The idea of even dating a boy feels wrong to me, but I’ve never had a crush on a girl. I’ve seen girls, and thought, “Wow, they’re gorgeous,” but I’ve never had a full blown crush on a girl. (I think I might like a girl from my math class, but it feels very different from the way I’ve felt about boys in the past, so that’s why I’m so unsure about it).
    Another question I’ve had for a while, and that’s about being repulsed by the idea of sex, and generally uncomfortable with dating, but still being attracted to people. Is this just because I’m young? Many people I know talk about sex, but I’m very uncomfortable with it, and I always have been.
    So, I guess what I’m looking for is an outside opinion. Is 15 too young to know who I am? I’ve been struggling with this for almost two years, and I feel like straight people don’t question their sexuality for that long, but I really don’t know.

    • Anonymous says

      I think you bi and I think you should try a girl. But at the same time you love you boyfriend. Before you make any decision you have to try a girl. Maybe if you try it you would know what you want. Or you and you boyfriend can try something. Some guys are open to that, but because he wants to marriage maybe he won’t like that. So becarfull you sound like you love him. ask him what he think about bisexual people, or you guys sleeping with another girl. But don’t cheat that would wrong.

    • Anonymous says

      I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Fifteen…doesn’t feel young until you’re older than 15. But honestly, even people who are sure of their sexuality at 15 have all kinds of dating drama. High school is just a ridiculously dramatic time. You don’t have to date anyone. Only do what makes you happy.

    • tabby says

      Amy, hey haha – obviously i’m not you, but your story sounds so similar to mine I had to say something.. I’m 17 now, and two years ago I felt exactly the way you did. I was scared that I would never feel true sexual feelings, which sounds so weird to me now and I can promise you that will change!(Unless you are asexual which is cool, but from what you said I don’t think you are). I guess I’m still confused, and I don’t really know how to say everything I want to, but please try not to worry too much about it. I’ve spent too long being scared of dating people, being scared of being myself, and now I really just want to go with how I feel, if I even know what that is! I hope everything works out for you – I’m still so confused and I have no idea about anything so I’m not trying to give you deep advice ahha but yeah, you’re not alone:) x
      ps i’m jealous you had so many lesbian friends age 14:p

  12. Jess says

    Hi everyone, I find it amazing that so many people have gathered here to share their experiences and offer advice. I myself am 17 years old and for a while have been questioning my sexuality. I’m not sure how it started, just that a few years ago I would find myself lying awake in bed with the thought “I might like girls.” At that point in time, the thought terrified me and I would push it away, telling myself that it was nonsense. But as time went on I’ve started think, “I might like girls and I think that would be okay.” (I guess questioning acceptance?)

    When I was really young, I did have a crush on a boy but now that we’re in High School, I don’t really see that relationship working. As a matter of fact, whenever my friends point out attractive guys, I tend to not get very impressed by them. I simply don’t notice men much, and if anything, I think I notice girls more. I haven’t voiced all of this to anyone till now but my friends have noticed that I don’t pay attention to any particular sex and wonder if I might be asexual.

    One of the main reasons I think I might like girls is because when I read/watch stories about two women being together, I find it interesting and exciting, but I’ve also felt the same way about some hetero relationships. That line of thinking leads me to think I might be bisexual but I don’t know (I guess I should not that my favorite pairing in a show is a lesbian one). I guess it could simply be the writing that makes me feel for the characters so much. I’ve never dated any group before so I can’t really use that personal experience. I find myself fantasizing more about girls than guys lately and if I ever hear someone say something offensive towards homosexuality, I tend to get offended and defend it.

    Since I’m pretty short, my mom has always gone around pointing at tall guys and saying things like “when you get a boyfriend, you should get one that’s that tall,” etc., but whenever she says things like that I find the idea almost funny. Not the tall/short comment but the idea of being with a guy. There was this one boy in my class that acted pretty flirty towards me but I always felt uncomfortable whenever it happened and didn’t know how to progress with the situation. And should someone tell me that a guy is checking me out, I sort of won’t believe it or I’ll feel like there’s no point in telling me because what am I going to do with that?

    Even with simple things like favorite celebrities or characters, I’ve noticed that most of my friends’ favorites are all male while mine are all women. I find them pretty but at the same time like their personalities and I just don’t look at guys that way nearly as often…

    Writing this out I guess I realize I’m leaning more towards women, but there’s always the “what if” for guys. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for taking the time to read!

    • Kat says

      I hear you out completely. I am 20 and still struggle with feelings similar to yours. The biggest piece of advice I can give you and ultimately the first step to self discovery is unburying the hatchet.

      I realize my case was rather lucky since my immediate family (and a couple of friends) were supportive of the whole ‘coming out of the closet’ discussion. However I believe the risk that comes with revealing your true feelings is still worth it. So what, not everyone accepts the idea of two people of the same sex being together. We can’t go on living our lives by their homophobic standards, everyone deserves love and happiness. Confide in the ones you treasure because if they treasure you as much as you do them then they will continue to love you despite everything.

      If the above cannot be applied for some unfortunate reason or if you aren’t quite ready to come out of the closet yet then I would otherwise recommend using the internet for support. It probably sounds stupid but when I first discovered that I wasn’t straight one of the first things I did was take the Kinsey Scale test and other sexual orientation tests alike. Of course, no test can slap a label on something as complicated as sexuality but it at least gave me some direction. From there, I began reaching out to people through various discussion boards and even read some interesting articles for my own amusement. Things like, “10 Best Things About Being a Lesbian”. Anyways I eventually reached a point when I was ready to tell others about myself and ta-da it happened!

      In conclusion, why is it worth coming out to others? Because you will be filled with a warmth that will bring you to tears….or nearly. I know I shed a few over the many discussions I’ve had with my mom throughout the years. We’re now to the point where she’ll even crack jokes about me checking out other girls (or something along those lines). Although I’m not gonna lie if I made blunt comments like, “Ooh I’d tap that” about a woman, my mom would probably get weirded out but otherwise expressing the nature of homosexuality doesn’t seem to be such a big deal anymore. Hallelujah we weren’t born in the old world, eh? Like damn peeps, its the 21st century!

      By the way, if you need someone to talk to I’m willing to listen. I mean that to sound as little creepy as possible. Seriously, I am working on a Bachelor’s Degree in psychology and hope to become a counselor someday. Listening to people vent is my strong suit and helping others feel better about themselves is definitely rewarding.

      • Anonymous says

        Here’s the thing… I’m a girl, 14. I’ve recently been attracted to girls… I think. I notice them more than boys and I think I may have a crush on my best female friend (who I told about the possibility of being gay). But i don’t think boys are invisible. I notice they’re hair and stuff but I notice how pretty girls are more… I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I just feel really confused. When I picture my future – kissing, touching,dating, weddings, building a family – it’s always been with women… But I have absolutely no experience with anything… I think I might be gay but I really don’t know… I just want someone to help me…

    • Working through it says

      I was where you were at your age. I was never interested in boys, I had a best friend that was a guy that I would try to push feelings on because I wanted to feel normal. (Now at this time I wasn’t thinking I was gay and just trying to make it go away I had practically suppressed any homosexual thoughts that would enter my head) When I was 18 I found myself crushing hard on one of my coworkers and to once again suppress those feelings I started a relationship with my guy friend to cover those feelings and even went all the way with him to show how straight I really was though I never felt complete with him and when I was with her I was a mess of emotions constantly. She was straight though, so I had to shut those feelings up and move on with my life and from her. I’m 22 now and just recently have allowed myself to come out to a few of my friends and my close family. I’m still working my way through it and there are days when I think that I must be just asexual as well but I think we love who we’re going to love and we’re attracted to what we truly want. And the influence around you might have you struggling with those feelings making you think you’re asexual because most of my teen years that’s exactly what I thought I was until I was thrown into the world outside of what I was raised around and truly found who I really was in the recent years. You’ll figure out who you are just don’t shy away from those feelings you have and suppress them embrace them and explore further into them and you’ll find yourself. Whether if that person is a woman with a man or a woman with a woman. As long as you’re happy than nothing else really matters.

    • Anonymous says

      Hi !(: I’m 16 years old and need some sort of advice or something . I dated a guy for a few months and when he kissed me I never wanted to kiss him . He would grab my face ti get me to kiss him , it was uncomfortable.. I talked to a guy after that and found myself making excuses everytime Her tried to hang out with me . Lately I’ve been realizing I’m really attracted to girls , I’ve just never kissed one so I don’t know . Is it weird that I WANT to be a lesbian ? I’m thinking I am a lesbian but I’m asking what you guys think . Thanks(:

      • annarose says

        i feel exactly the same way, like sometimes I wonder if I just want to be a lesbian because it’s different and exciting…I’ve always liked the idea of being different I guess. We have pretty much the same story, so you’re not alone in these feelings at all. Hit me up with advice too!!

  13. johanna says

    I’ve never talked about this with anyone but I’m just really confused and I feel like I need to let it out. So, I’m 16 and I’ve always liked guys. I never had anything serious with anyone but I’ve had crushes on boys since I can remember.

    My biggest crush was on a guy I know since I like 1st grade. I always had a thing for him but I started crushing hard when I was around 14. That lasted until a few months ago when he got a girlfriend. That really fucked me up in the beginning but I was sick of being jealous and to distract myself from that I started to hang out with another guy that I kinda started to like. However this guy went to college this year and we don’t really talk much anymore. The feelings I had for him started to kinda fade away, and since then I haven’t really been interested on anyone at all.

    The thing is that meanwhile I started to question the existence of romantic feelings from me towards other girls. It started a little over a month ago when I saw the movie Blue is the Warmest Colour. This sounds really stupid but I just got a huge crush on one of the characters, Emma. I don’t know if you ever saw the movie but Emma is the blue haired girl that the main character, Adele, falls in love with and I noticed my own infatuation with Emma mirrored that of Adele’s. This movie touched me a lot. I’m not sure if it’s because because I can relate to both Adele and Emma in certain ways, or just because the movie itself is really well done and well acted, all I know is that it made reconsider about how I feel about girls. I mean I never thought I could be bi or lesbian because I didn’t have the slightest interest on girls, I never even had celebrity girl crushes but watching that movie I found myself wishing I had ”an Emma”. I was and still am sure that if I was in Adele’s shoes I wouldn’t think twice about being with Emma, because she just seems the ideal partner to me, which weirded me out a little because well, she’s a girl. And I know that it’s just a character but if I came across a girl like her in real life, her gender wouldn’t stop me from wanting to be with her. I didn’t felt this way before, but now I could see myself really liking a girl, kissing her, holding her, even having a relationship with her, and I think I would enjoy all of that, without being bothered by the fact she was a girl.

    I don’t know if it was conscious or unconsciously but I started to notice girls more ever since and I found myself attracted to two girls I know. One of them has a really androgynous look, the other isn’t exactly androgynous but is rather a tomboy, so I’m guessing I’m attracted to more masculine girls, as Emma is. And even though I find Lea Seydoux (the actress that plays her) absolutely beautiful as her ”real self”, it’s Emma’s kind of.. female masculinity (i don’t know how to explain it) that draws me to her. And it’s the same thing that attracts me to those girls.

    All of this to say that I’m really confused. I mean sometimes I think I’m straight and just influenced by the movie, because doing my research, I found many females who identified themselves as heterosexual and that fancied Emma the same way I do, which just confused me more like, maybe I’m not even into girls and it’s just the character that is really appealing? then other times I think if I was really straight I wouldn’t think of a girl that way, even it was just a character. plus I am attracted to real girls that I actually know, and even though it’s nothing too intense it’s still something. But then most of this is just hypothetical exactly because I don’t have strong feelings for either of those girls, just physical attraction, and I don’t even know if I ever will have strong feelings for any girl ever and that’s why I feel so silly and stupid ughh.. then I wonder if actually like both boys and girls and I’m really bisexual? But I don’t have experience with either boys or girls, I’ve never even had real feelings for anyone, so how could I be sure who I like, really? But still, I can’t help but be extremely bothered by this :( I’m sorry this is so long, I just wrote my whole life and I probably didn’t even explain myself properly, I didn’t really thought I had so much to say, i’m sorry, but please if you have any thoughts or advice I would really appreciate it

    • STW says

      “Confused” is the key word you use. You’ve had close relationships with men who for one reason or another left. Then you find yourself attracted to women in ways similar to those described by lesbians. Yikes! Could you be a lesbian?

      Who knows? Your history makes me suspicious but we can’t rule lesbianism out. But really, having been treated by these guys in the way you have been, would make almost any woman start looking at the benefits of being with women.

      May I kindly suggest some therapy with a therapist without an agenda? Exploring your history of intimate relationships should shed some light on their nature,& even some unconscious trauma that might be lurking. It will help you understand what you need, expect and want from love–including what gender you most expect love or abuse from.

      It may turn out that you are a lesbian. Okay. You can come to terms with that in a way that allows for healthy relationships. But then again, you don’t want to rule out men too soon–you just need to know what to look for–someone who loves you and treats you with decency and generosity!

  14. Anonymous says

    This is probably long, but I just have to let it out. This is the first time I’ve ever written about this and i’ve never talked to anyone ever. It’s all so confusing for me, I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m 24, i’ve never been with a man or a woman and I think I’m bisexual?

    It’s really tough to figure things out because I haven’t experienced anything due to me being extremely shy for a majority of my life. There is nothing that stopped me from getting boyfriend except I felt like I needed the ‘perfect’ boyfriend so i rejected people and waited. I grew up thinking I was 100% straight. I did question myself every now and then, but never seriously questioned myself really up until about a year ago it kind of hit me like “oh shit, am I gay or bi?”. The thing is I don’t know if I’m making it up in my head or what? I don’t know what I want.

    I grew up a major tomboy until about age 10 (I am aware this does not make a person gay, but thought I should mention it). After that I became more girly to fit in. I never had crushes on guys exactly like the girls did. I mean I did have crushes, but I don’t feel like I was as boy crazy as everyone around me, talking about hot guys in films made me a little uncomfortable. I never thought about girls at all. I was just doing my own thing. Never noticed much.

    I went to an all girls high school and I do remember thinking lots of girls were pretty, but thats it. I remember Katy Perry’s song “I kissed a girl” came out I was like “okay so this is normal, straight girls can like girls” and that was that. I ignored any feelings I had and categorized them as a normal straight girl’s, girl crush. I do remember this thing I called the “weird feeling” which I now know was actually butterflies because I still get them. I got that butterfly feeling around certain girls and sometimes around certain guys.

    When I was young and ignorant, I never believed in bisexuality so I thought that as long as I got the butterflies for guys too then it was okay. I remember in high school finding shows or movies with some type of lesbian scene and just getting the urge to rewind and watch it again. I thought it was strange, but I chalked it up to the fact that I did not know how to kiss so I was just observing how to kiss and stuff. I was also very interested in the lesbians at my school. Just a genuine interest and kind of liked being around them and never knew why. I never had any sexual feelings for women, but these ‘strange’ feelings I had for women kept following me throughout my life. It was like an on and off thing. I did think about guys a lot. I did find many men attractive. I was asked out by guys but always turned them down because I found something wrong with them. My friends thought I was so picky and would tell me to just get with any guy already, but I just never felt right with these guys.

    So moving on to college I felt almost asexual sometimes. I mean I thought some guys in class were cute and stuff, but I never had the guts to do anything about it. I did for sure notice the pretty girls in class too, but never thought anything beyond “she’s pretty”. I just focused on my studies and really did not think much about anyone. I also focused a lot on myself. As I said before, I was shy and I worked very hard on my inner self and got really into self improvement and awakening and all that stuff. I wanted to be a better me, a more social me, I wanted to live a true life, be the person I wanted to be, find my passion etc.

    So I continued on this path of self improvement for years, slowly making progress and last year I really made that breakthrough that is now noticed by everyone around me. I am very social now, I feel like me, I feel free. I am going to grad school for something I love, I’ve recently traveled Europe. I’m happy. I battled depression an anxiety in high school so this is seriously amazing for me. I found happiness within and no matter how bad my life is on the outside, I know how to be happy and positive on the inside. With that being said, I don’t feel it is a coincidence that my best year, the year I feel most like myself I have started to seriously question my sexuality. I never actually questioned it before, I ignored it. I REALLY ignored it, I pushed it way far back. This year, I really got into shows with lesbians and I am now aware that I am just totally turned on by it. I’ve been trying to just listen to myself and do what I want and have found that I really can’t stop watching lesbian shows or movies or youtubers. This year I have tried to think about men and am successful, but my mind just wants to keep going back to women. I don’t know whats going on. At first I was okay with it because I was like “yeah of course I like it women are hot” but then I started to realize “does this make me a lesbian or bisexual or something” and then I started thinking “what does that mean? is my life a lie?” I always pictured myself being with a man and having children and now everything is turned upside down.

    Again, I did not believe in bisexuality and now that I KNOW bisexuality is real, for some reason I still can’t picture that as something for myself. Also I really don’t want people to see me differnlty if I am. I go back and forth sometimes I am like “I am so gay”, “I am totally straight”, “I think I’m asexual”, “I am bisexual”, “maybe i’m pansexual”. I’m just totally confused. I don’t know if this is just because I’ve never had a boyfriend and now I just want to try anything, maybe the reason I never had a boyfriend is because secretly I never liked guys anyway?? I am so lost.

    The thing that really confuses me the most is whenever I hear that straight women like women. And when I hear that straight women are turned on by lesbian sex. I think is that me? am I just a regular straight woman who likes women in a non homosexual way? but then I don’t know? If you asked me two years ago if I would have sex with a woman or go down on a woman I would be grossed out, but now I think I totally would. Also important to note that I would also be grossed out going down on a man. I sometimes think i’m asexual, but I can’t be. I am wondering if because I’ve allowed myself to watch lesbian shows and now i’m just adjusted to it or is it actually because i’ve allowed myself to become comfortable with what I actually like? I don’t know, all I know is I feel gayer and gayer the more I watch anything with lesbians. I am too terrified to go as far as watching lesbian porn because I am afraid I will like that even more.

    I also feel like I would fit in pretty well with lesbians. I know there are all types of lesbians, I’m fem, but also pretty athletic and have a certain vibe that just fits in well. I remember this woman I worked with who was a lesbian looked me straight in the eye and asked “are you a homo?” and I was just completely shocked and my initial response was “what?” and she repeated “are you a homo” and I immediately said “no” and walked away quickly. After that I was like “what would make her think that?” “What did I do?” I look fem, but “maybe i’m too aggressive, thats too masculine.” “I volunteer to lift too many heavy things at work when the other girls don’t” So yeah that incident had me thinking, but I quickly pushed those thoughts away.

    I don’t know. I’m just so confused and I’m just afraid that I am making this all up and I am straight. Also, I just never pictured myself with a woman, but things are changing. Now I really think about women a lot. I think i’ve thought about women probably 90% and 10% about men this entire year. Which is strange because before I would hardly ever think about women and when I did I pushed it away. When I voice my feelings it feels like i’m bisexual, but why would I think about this at 24 years old?? Am I just making stuff up because I’m so sick of being single all my life that i’ll take anything?? I think my feelings for women are real, I am not in anyway forcing these feelings I am just letting myself be free and I can’t stop thinking about women. It’s almost been an obsession thinking about women.

    This figuring it all out really sucks especially if I am bisexual, because deep down I feel like I need to like one more than the other. When I think about men I feel like that means that I do not like women, but then I think about women again and I am afraid this means I don’t actually like men. It’s that dumb belief I developed when I was younger that bisexuality is not real. I know its real, but deep down I just want to choose. And I am so afraid that I am bisexual or even lesbian and then I have to go through that whole coming out thing, my family will be so upset, my friends will think of me differently, then I have to figure out how to get a girlfriend and I’ve had so much trouble getting a boyfriend that I really don’t think I can do it. It’s just so confusing. I’m just really trying to be patient with myself, but I just want to know the truth! I really do like women I really do get turned on by them, but its so strange because I never felt this way before…well kind of, but never to this extent. Is this my true feelings now finally coming out or am just curious about something different? I don’t know and it sucks to not know. Some days I think I am just totally lesbian, some day I think I must be straight and other days I think I am bisexual. Its never ending.

    I’ve come a long way and have figured myself out amazingly well. I am so proud of myself and my progress, except I don’t know my sexuality that well and I think the only way I will know is by trying it and I’m just terrified. I’m terrified of being with both a man or a woman actually. I don’t know whats going on with me?? My sexuality could be anything, I have no clue. Sorry, it’s just so confusing I have to let it out somewhere.

    If anyone has any thoughts or guidance I would really appreciate it.

    • Mira says

      Hello I’m 16 and so confused in what gender I prefer to date or spend the rest of my life with I have been having so much problems with this since I was 12 and have always manage to distract my mind off this problem I have faced for quite a while now I don’t know what to do anymore I always end up frustrated, scared, and confused in what I wanted. My females friends are always talking about guys and tell me how wonderful it is but I don’t see what they are talking about when they show me a picture of a boy I always fine them unattractive and i always have thought it must be because I have never been in any relationship with a guy but I have noticed that I notice girls more than guys like what they wear the color of there eyes and the way they act but always thought it was something every girls does but I blocked all of it out of my mind until I started to really question if I liked girls or guys and when I was questioned by my mother and sister even my brothers if I was lesbian and I was shocked they would even ask me this question I would say no right away like if I was trying to hide something from them when I didn’t even know myself in almost 17 and still trying to figure myself out on what I want girls or boys but I never think of boys as other girls do instead I see them as guys who end up hurting girls and how I have seen many of my friends hurt because of boys honestly idk I’m so confused can anyone give me advice or help me understand I’m so lost and have been holding in everything that I’m afraid to talk to with my family please someone help me.

  15. Lost says

    I don’t know if anyone will reply back to this but any advice is much appreciated. I guess when I started having feelings towards women I was about 13. When I was around 15 I would see a lesbian movie on TV and wanted to watch it but didn’t want any of my family members to find out. When I was 17 I started noticing that I was allowing myself to have feelings towards other girls, but then would immediately close up and it wasn’t until I was 18 that I really let my emotions go wild for a woman. We worked together and she was 22 and we looked alot alike we would tell people we were twins. She would take me out to lunch, and buy me Starbucks and bring it to work and surprise me, and when I would see her I could literally feel myself break out in a sweat and get immediately excited and happy and a mixture of emotions. I even came out to one of my friends about it. I had dreams of us together kissing and would wake up and be sad that it was only a dream. (at this point I was a virgin) But she had a bf who she’d been with for a few years and she had all the sex stories she would share with me and it made me so jealous that my best friend (a guy) I had him come over one night and let him take my virginity so I would get over all these feelings I had for this girl that clearly wasn’t going to be into me. So the sex was great between us so I stayed with him the job ended so I didn’t see her anymore and I finished my last year of school. Then the summer came and I got pregnant. I made myself believe I loved him but in my heart I always knew I couldn’t. (btw I had multiple men who tried to be with me but I always had an excuse why I didn’t want to be with them) So when I started up the job again and I saw her again it was like no time had passed between us we were together again and the sparks were definitely there. Until I told her I was pregnant, we were always still friends but it was never the same like it was before, it was like she was mad at me. Well now I’m 22 and I’ve been in this relationship and we’ve decided to finally end it and I’m horrified about how this is going to affect my child. Idk what to do. for years now I’ve snuck around watching lesbian tv shows and movies and even having sex I hate it unless I’m thinking I’m having it with a woman. After writing all this I think I’d be an idiot if I tried to hide behind this must be a phase act. The last detail about all this is that though in my head I can imagine having sex with a woman actually doing it terrifies me. I feel like being with a woman I’d feel judged like would I be a good enough kisser? Or would I be okay as a lover? Idk… Help?

    • Jan says

      It’s ironic that you think that even though you watch lesbian movies,you’ve had secret fantasies about girls and women since you could remember, and you don’t think you’re gay? I have many staright friends and I can assure you that straight women do not think and wonder about having sex with other women,their minds are always on men.They certainly dont have crushes on their best friends, unless they are gay.In your situation,you already know the answer to your questions.If you are not ready to explore that aspect of your life,then dont.Wait until you’re emotionally able to.There’s plenty of time.Raise your kid and just love yourself for the time being,ok?

  16. Jas says

    Hi so to start this off I think I’m a lesbian.
    I am currently with a guy atm tho and we have been friends since primary school, I’m now out of school. So we where having a chat about myself liking girls and this is where I got really upset, I asked him would he hate me if I were to break up with him because I like girls, he said ‘yes and I would never talk to you or ever want to see you agàin’ and that hit me hard and I don’t know what to do.
    Please someone help me I don’t know how to handle if I break up with him so I don’t think I can go through with it I don’t want to łse him as a friend.

    • Cat and Cake says

      If he was really your friend he woula accept you for who you are and love you for it. The fact that he hit you as well isn’t very good either. Some advie though maybe you should break up w ith him, wait awhile and tell him again so he might not react so over the top.

    • Anonymous says

      A friend does not drop someone due to their sexuality my crush of over two years thought I would do this and to be honest it hurt and I was upset that he didn’t tell me if he had true feelings he would completely understand

  17. Unknown huminoid says

    I’m not sure how to start this off but I guess this works.
    Hi whoever reads this,
    I am 19 I’m currently in a hetrosexual relationship, I started questioning my sexual orientation about year 2 it was around the time I met my best friend. I am currently still locked up in my closet and not knowing if I should or can cone out. I have been with my bf for almost 1 year and I’m not sure we are working out it’s not him its me haha.
    I have done quizes, read articles, been to parades, and have not talked to anyone about this at all, I think I’m on stage 2.i have made out with a girl but no one knew and I no longer talk to them.
    This may be TMI but I guess all I want to know is how do I as people say ‘Come out of the Closet’??
    Replays will be much appreciated.

  18. Anonymous says

    Okay so I’ve had a girlfriend for half of a year and I’m totally head over heels for her but we both are terrified to tell people. I’m 16 and I have never even though about being gay until I began to love her. It’s hard to tell my friends and I’m terrified to tell my family because they are so anti-gay. And I’m worried about my friends at school because I go to a catholic school and I don’t want to be hated. I just don’t know what to do.. Someone help

  19. Unknown says

    I honestly have no idea what I am. When I was little I would look up pictures of girls. I have tried to take quizzes to figure it out what I am but the questions were,
    Do you like girls? Yes or No
    And others would tell me I’m straight because I chose to not eat someone out because they were a girl.
    I’m only 12 and I have a boyfriend and seriously want to remain anonymous because I want to break up with him. I think guys can look good but I honestly don’t see anything happening with them. They kind of disgust me sexually. But then I see people like Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins(Oh. My. God! :) ) and I can sometimes feel like I want to be physically closer to some of my female friends. Like, not better friends, more like 1 feet apart instead of 2. I know my boundaries and choose not to flirt with girls just because I like them. So I guess these are my questions.
    Am I straight just because I don’t want to have sex with a girl because she’s there?
    Am I gay because I enjoy the company of girls more than guys?
    I honestly have no clue and just want an answer.
    So probably stage 1 1/2?

    • Jan says

      At your young age, you have plenty of time to figure out who you are.Please don’t rush things.Make good grades in school,play sports,go to movies with friends and just enjoy being you

  20. Laura says

    I think i’m on stage 2? maybe? I don’t know if I should define myself as lesbian since I fall for the person, not the gender… probably i’ll start my acceptance stage…

    • Anonymous says

      To be honest I think I’m in stage 1im only 11but I’m starting to have fantasies about my friend that is a girl. I’m literally freaking out and I’m still trying to accept that I’m a lesbian. My older sister is a lesbian and she has a wife. I want some girl to spend the rest of my life with even though again I’m 11. I had a boyfriend but I broke up with him 7 months ago. I just never felt a connection between us. I met a girl named Lauren and she is my type of person but she has a boyfriend. And for the people that say that I’m too young to be thinking about this, I’m not. I’ve been trying to accept it but it’s really hard.

      • Azrael says

        I’m the same for you I’m 11 and I want to spend the rest of my life with an amazing woman.My sister is bisexual but I’m a lesbian and I think I’m at stage 3 maybe 4.

        • Jan says

          At your young age, you have plenty of time to figure out who you are.Please don’t rush things.Make good grades in school,play sports,go to movies with friends and just enjoy being you

  21. Chloe says

    I am unsure about my relationship status at the moment. My parent keep joking about boys that I’m friends with, saying that they are my ‘future husband’ and stuff. However, I have this friend. When I am with her, I feel relaxed and can be myself, but she has been on a lot of girl-boy dates. I have never been on any dates, of any kind (I’m a teen :) ). Thanks for any help

  22. not sure says

    Hi Ladies
    I am looking for some advice, and help. My daughter is 21 she told me 3 yrs ago she was gay, i learned to accept, and met her partner
    at first i was not sure i liked the partner, now i feel like she is another child. (she is 25)
    My problem is as follows , my daughter met a boy she told her partner , they have broken up…..but my daughter still is trying to hold on to the friendship with Joy her ex partner, i can see how this is tearing Joy apart, and me. ( I dont want anyone hurting)
    My daughter is still texting Joy and calling her hon, babe????
    Not only that she is supposed to be happy with this boy, yet she is always crabby towards me and joy?
    Any advice I will greatly appreciate

    • Anonymous says

      She’s probably just going through the motions of a bi adult. Realizing she wasn’t in the relationship she wanted to end up in and maybe her new boyfriend is giving her that since of finality. I don’t think you should worry but I think you should Imbrace that she has moved on to a new chapter in her life and I think that’s very admirable she wants to hold on to the relationship with Joy. But I do agree it’s not ok to be calling her ex “babe” or “hon” even in a joking manner… it just leads the other person on.

    • Jan says

      At 21, your daughter has a lot of growing up to do. Why is she and you still having contact with her ex?Didn’t you say she’s moved on to a boy ?It appears that you have aligned yourself on Joy’s side, instead of excepting your daughter’s decisions.Please distance yourself from her relationships,especially with Joy. She will figure it out eventually on her own.

  23. Annie says

    This year for my friends birthday we all went out. She got trashed and started telling me very personal things about herself. Her girlfriend was also there trying to keep her from getting into trouble. While we were walking back to our cars she told me that she thinks that I am gay. She also told me that her girlfriend thinks so too and that it has been a topic of discussion for them a few times. I told her that her belief that I am a lesbian does not bother or offend me but I am not gay. She said that by not being offered that I am clearly gay. I let the conversation go and she didn’t even remember having it the next day but she still pressures me about being gay. She invited me to pride and joked that I would find a cute girl and she always makes jokes when we see cute girls out. She tells me to ask for her number or something. There is this guy who likes me, he tells me all the time that she flirts with me although she has a girlfriend. He says that she pick on me and is always finding an excuse to touch me. He say that it actually makes him jealous. Last night I had a dream that she left her girlfriend for me. In my dream she wanted to be with me and at the end of my dream we shared a kiss. When I woke up I was extremely happy. I also do not like her girlfriend because she moved out of state to be with her and she hates it there. I cannot tell if I am in fact gay or if my friend has just been putting these thoughts in my head. Part of me wishes that the dream was real but I don’t know that if I was happy when I woke up because my friend was moving back home(in the dream) and I want her to be happy or because we kissed. Since my dream I cannot stop thinking about her.

    I’m really not sure if I am gay or not but I would like to know what you all think. I have only ever been with boy except the occasional drunken bff makeout. Do you think my friend has sort of gotten me to fall for her or do you think that I am in fact a lesbian?

    • Monique G says

      Hi Annie, I can relate to how vague feelings can be about our sexuality. I’m 35, came out officially 2 years ago. I’ve had family members lay out all the reasons why I’m straight (all the guys I dated) and gay friends lay out all the reasons why I’m gay (all that softball! ;). For whatever reason, grey areas make us humans uncomfortable. We try to recruit people to join our side to make ourselves feel more in control, that our beliefs are correct. But the only thing that matters is how you feel. Go with how you feel. If you feel ‘meh’ about someone listen to that. If there’s a spark, be open to more but don’t force or overthink it. When someone blows you away, you’ll know it. Sometimes we have to be emotionally ready to be blown away, and that takes time and maturity. You just walk your own path and don’t spend too much time in your head going over others’ opinions of you. You and only you can figure that out. Trust yourself and, most importantly of all, listen to your body :) How do you feel inside? Confused? Scared? Joyous? Aroused? ALL of those things are trying to teach you something. Best of luck :)

  24. Anonymous says

    It’s been really comforting reading this and everyone’s own experiences.

    I’m 38 and after an unexpected fling with a woman 5 years ago was launched into a frenzy of confusion about my sexuality. I have never physically been comfortable or attracted to men really but feel forced by our culture to confront it as if it is a result of some psychological issue rather than because it may just be against my nature. But the thought of dating men and trying to push through it feels horrible, even traumatic. But regardless, I can’t help but wonder if there is some deeper issue I need to confront rather than being gay. It just adds a spanner in the works that causes me to doubt where my sexuality really lies and it does my head in.

    I only ever fantasise about women, I relate and connect to them so easily and I really never notice men when I’m out, I tend to focus on women. Physically, I don’t doubt my interest in women over men but being brought up a certain way, I have real trouble being at ease or accepting the idea of a relationship with a woman, romance and couple-type interaction with a woman and all those things….it feels so unnatural and wrong to me and not what I thought my life would be.

    I also feel like it letting my mind even half think of the possibility of a life with a woman, I feel like I then have to grief the identity I believed I was and what my life would look like, who it would make me and how different that would be to the beliefs about myself I’ve grown up with. That in itself causes me so much distress.

    I also grieve the idea that my relationship will be accepted in the same way as a straight couple, where it is regarded as so normal there is no need to dislodge any assumption of what gender your partner is. I hate the idea that every time I talk about my relationship or partner to a new person I’ll have to ‘come out’ every time. Small things like knowing I’d need to be cautious about my affection with my partner at family events and public, or feeling uncomfortable slow dancing with her a wedding, are all thoughts that create fear and blocks and all become too much, so much so that I then head straight back into believing I’m making these feelings up and I’m straight but just have to push through some unknown issue I have with men. If have so many good reasons to doubt being gay as opposed to have some repressed fear of men. It’s exhausting.

    Long story short, I can’t trust what I really feel and what thoughts are confusing the issue. It’s horrible to feel entirely untrusting of yourself. Guess I’m stage 1 and can’t imagine getting past that ever.

    • May says

      Wow, much of what you wrote could have come straight from my soul. I feel the same way. I always was attracted to girls (honestly, I felt like every girl must be, how could you not?) but then after an unexpected affair with a women I was really thrown for a loop. That was 6 years ago. I had all the same misgivings as you. Being gay is just not what I want. And I come from a progressive family, it’s not like I would be spurned or anything but everything would be…harder. Anyway, I “chose” to be straight. I’ve been living with a man for 2 years. It’s fine. Sort of. Sometimes I cry about it but I feel like I am in it for the long haul. This is what I have chose and I *think* it’s best for me. I have a daughter (from a previous relationship) and this is easiest for her. I’m not miserable. Sigh.

      • Anonymous says

        It’s amazing how nice is can be just knowing others go through the same thing isn’t it? I’m so sorry you’re feeling so miserable and wish I could help you…and me!

        I’m also the same with my family and friends. Those who do know are encouraging me to stay open no matter what that means, my mum in particular. But I also know that even for them, particularly the older generation, they’ll still have to learn to get used to seeing it around them and I just feel like no matter what, it won’t be as easily integrated as a straight relationship.

        I guess like anything in life, perhaps in time we’ll just learn to accept the possibilities and be open to receiving them. I also wonder whether someone will just come along and take the choice away from us…you know when you meet someone as you’re so bowled over, all thoughts and fears go out the window because you just want to be with them so badly. I assume that’s how you came to be with a woman to begin with….I know that’s how it happened to me. It was only after that that my brain when into overdrive.

        We’ll get there. Hoping.

        Sending you love and support. X

        • Lynnette says

          Your comments so closely reflect what I’ve been going through. My experimentation began when I lived in Vegas some 14 years ago. Back then no relationship was serious, I was bi and had numerous girlfriends and boyfriends, all fun & games. My opinion at the time was that girls were fun, they excited me, but I never thought I could be fulfilled just by a girl, and certainly wasn’t interested in being serious with one. Then I moved away, and decided it was time to be more serious, stop playing around so much. I met a man, fell madly in love, and got married. Only what happened… a few years after we married, I found that I just couldn’t get aroused anymore by him; I was always fantasizing about women. I identified strongly with LGBT . But, I still loved him so I was going to stick with him. Well we had our problems…not just my sexuality… and last year he left me. And now I find myself more attracted to women. I met a girl that interests me, I know she’s lesbian, and it’s stirred up all these feelings now. The part that makes it difficult for me is that I’m not really sure that I’ll be really satisfied in a relationship with a girl, yet I’m not in that state of mind like years ago of wanting to have casual sex and meaningless relationships to find out. After all, I’m a single mom now and as well I’m 47 years old. So to be honest I really don’t know what to do. I know this girl is interested in me, but I’m afraid of hurting her if I just can’t handle the implications of it all.
          In some ways I realize that actually it could be much easier for my situation than if I were to meet another guy, because my ex and I are very good friends and as well I get along very well with his family.I live in Spain and they are the only “family” I have here. I feel that if I were to have a relationship with a woman, it would actually be easier to maintain a good relationship, as there wouldn’t be issues of pride and jealousy (at least I would hope not!). My ex and his family are very open minded so for their part it wouldn’t be a problem.
          My family, on the other hand, would FLIP as they are very conservative. But considering they live on a different continent and I only see them every few years, I guess I wouldn’t need to share with them until I were really certain. I don’t know, my mind has been spinning since I met this girl. On the other hand, I also ask myself if I’m really physically attracted to her, or if it’s the concept of being with a woman that has me tripping. She’s not the type (physically) that I’m attracted to but I like her personality.
          And this isn’t exactly the conversation I can have with any of my friends….

    • MayDecemberRomance says

      I found a lot of comfort reading your post(s) as I’ve had similar experiences and fear the possibility of rejection from my family and friends. I come from a very Christian-churchy household. I’m ‘talking’ to an older woman that I identify with on so many levels. We’ve shared so MANY fabulous moments together since meeting a month ago. The feelings I have for her and experiences we’ve shared far surpassed any of the long-term relationships I’ve endured with men. I feel like myself around her and really enjoy sharing every moment with her. I’ve never truly been comfortable in any of my previous ‘hetero’ relationships and my mother’s constant criticism of these men (e.g. their family background, education background-not even the guy who had a PhD because he didn’t make enough money, and a plethora of other ridiculousness) lead me to finally say say enough is enough. I know that if I hide my feelings I will continue to feel like a wrecking ball as the constant distress and anxiety is heavy. I know deep down in my heart that I can trust my feelings (even though it’s not easy) and pray to God to lead and guide me to stay true to myself. I knew it wasn’t gonna be easy.


  25. Anonymous says

    This year for my friends birthday we all went out. She got trashed and started telling me very personal things about herself. Her girlfriend was also there trying to keep her from getting into trouble. While we were walking back to our cars she told me that she thinks that I am gay. She also told me that her girlfriend thinks so too and that it has been a topic of discussion for them a few times. I told her that her belief that I am a lesbian does not bother or offend me but I am not gay. She said that by not being offered that I am clearly gay. I let the conversation go and she didn’t even remember having it the next day but she still pressures me about being gay. She invited me to pride and joked that I would find a cute girl and she always makes jokes when we see cute girls out. She tells me to ask for her number or something. There is this guy who likes me, he tells me all the time that she flirts with me although she has a girlfriend. He says that she pick on me and is always finding an excuse to touch me. He say that it actually makes him jealous. Last night I had a dream that she left her girlfriend for me. In my dream she wanted to be with me and at the end of my dream we shared a kiss. When I woke up I was extremely happy. I also do not like her girlfriend because she moved out of state to be with her and she hates it there. I cannot tell if I am in fact gay or if my friend has just been putting these thoughts in my head. Part of me wishes that the dream was real but I don’t know that if I was happy when I woke up because my friend was moving back home(in the dream) and I want her to be happy or because we kissed. Since my dream I cannot stop thinking about her.

    I’m really not sure if I am gay or not but I would like to know what you all think. I have only ever been with boys except the occasional drunken bff makeout. Do you think my friend has sort of gotten me to fall for her or do you think that I am in fact a lesbian?

  26. Gina says

    When I was in the third grade I told my best friend I was in love with her and she told the entire class then stopped hanging out with me. I denied it but in the 8th grade I started hanging around this girl only because I was attracted to her. When I entered high school I passed both of those incidents off as phases until I developed a crush on another girl my senior year. Im now a sophomore in college I’ve always been attracted to guys but now I cant stop thinking about girls. Im really shy and reserved so I have a hard time making friends and really afraid of losing the ones I’ve made if I come out as liking girls (their all girls and mostly really religious) and I know my mother wouldn’t be accepting ( my sister is dating a girl and my mom is not happy about it). My university is pretty big so I know we must have a LGBT club but im afraid to join. However, I really want to start dating women. The thought of just going out to meet random girls is a little scary but I think it might be my only option. I feel so lost!

    • Her says

      I absolutely understand where you’re coming from. You shouldn’t put so much pressure on yourself, trying to figure out if you should come out to everyone at once. Your answer to that will be “no” for a long, long time. It’s better if you choose one person you trust, or a newly-made friend who you’ll know be open-minded, or even someone you don’t know very well, making the conversation impersonal. And having at least ONE person who knows the truth and to whom you can talk about it is a big relief.
      If your university is big, (and you don’t want anyone to know you’re going to an LGBT Club)- they won’t. Go, once, just sit in the back somewhere and at the end, meet some of those people — they’ll understand what you’re going through and they’ll probably help you.
      The most important thing? Don’t throw yourself into something you’re not ready for… take it step by step.

  27. Kelsey says

    Throughout my teens, i was in the first phase and i did what you did, i dated so many guys and even became known as a slut across schools because i just went from one guy to the next. I tried to like the guys i dated but the more i spent time with each one the more i hated them and so i moved on and tried to find one i liked but i never did. I found myself looking at girls, their butt, their cleavage, their hair, their lips, everything about them was beautiful to me and when i watched porn i would always imagine myself as the guy… looking at the girl. Finally after all that… at 17 i met a girl. It was like love at first sight. She was PERFECT. And i asked her out… i don’t know how i did it because she was a closeted lesbian at the time too and she was in the same phase but we got together and shared all our firsts together and spent an amazing 2 years together before she had to leave to go to university at which point we broke up. But i thank her cause she opened me up to a whole new beautiful world… I love being gay :)

    • marian says

      Am 23 offlate i had the feeling for a certain gal n asked r off n she accepted, we hunged ,pegd each orther everyday coz we school together but she dissapointed me though av Neva felt That before for anyone xo after planning a date Dat Day she went with another Chick n i woz vert hurted n i ended up abusing her ,n thea she got an excuse of avoiding mi ivn a high .we stayed for 3 months without a word n she went ahead to av another Chick Just like that n left mi Fo no reason so am confused shud i go fo another 1 n get disapointed the way the first one dis to mie or shud i stay with the feelings til i get asked off?

  28. Kait says

    I’m 19 and for most of my life I’ve been denying that I’m attracted to women. My best friend has no clue and I hang out with her almost 5/7 days a week. I have dated multiple guys trying to figure out if it’s just a phase I’m going through and it’s not. I’m getting sick of hiding myself. I’ve noticed I have no confidence because I hide myself. I just don’t know what I should do anymore. I can’t keep dating men when I know I’m not into them 100% but where I live I’m intimated/scared to even talk to someone about it. I’m desperate for advice. And where to even start with women so I can get into a relationship with one.

    • Kait says

      To add to my above statement my best friend is very anti-gay/lesbian. She comments on how weird it is every time we see a gay or lesbian couple.(which isn’t often) but still.. I feel like she would be grossed out by me.

    • Anonymous says

      That’s normal to be scared to come out. I was but it feels great after it’s out. I felt like the weight over my shoulders was lifted. I felt free to be who I am. And I worried too about my friends getting freaked out or thinking I like them but if they’re a real friend they wouldn’t think that

      • Anonymous says

        So tell me, what’s it like leaving in a constant haze of stupid? Or do you just enjoy flaunting your sexual preferences everywhere you go, pervert?

  29. Bri E says

    I just felt like sharing my personal experience and my own personal beliefs, since I come from a highly religious background~~ (:

    I’m 18 and used to feel like I didn’t belong in my church (I was raised in a very Christian family, yet I do still believe myself to be a Christian). I was in constant denial about being gay because I was more scared about religion getting in the way of my parents accepting me than I was just coming out in general. I feel like my mom had hints, I even tried to imply some, yet I was worried about my Dad more so, I always thought he had a more strong sense of religion. A few months ago I came out and, believe it or not, my Dad ended up being much more accepting. The entire exchange was a bit awkward, he asked me if I’d rather have a girlfriend and I said “Yeah a little bit” and then named the girl I’ve been in love with since middle school. He sighed, yet he said;

    “I’m one to believe that God is getting upset with people for turning away other people he loves simply because they’re gay. The number one necessity to get into heaven is to accept God in your heart, and that’s it. He never said you won’t get in if you’re gay, people have twisted his words.” (Pastor Rob Bell highly inspired his belief.)

    My mother on the other hand, the one I thought who would be more accepting, actually had nothing much to say. She said that she had “guessed it” a long time ago, and that she loves me no matter what yet she continued to stare blankly and say that I just needed to consult the Bible more.
    Yet that’s what I did for 5 years already, I prayed for so long, shed so many tears, and this was the answer God gave me- I truly feel as if gay people have been created to live these lives to seek God and bring patience to those very conservative Bible thumpers who say we’re all going to hell, when we’re obviously not.

    The fight between Gays & Very Christian Conservatives is just another thing created by this world to turn our eyes away from God(who loves us no matter what) and to turn it back to more worldly matters.

  30. Poppy says

    I just need to rant. I want to cry and scream and throw up. I’m a lesbian that got married too young… to a man. I never had a crush on any boy during school, but damn did I love the ladies, I loved sleep overs (not in a sexual way, I wasn’t a creep) for all the one-on-one girl time, cuddling and spending times with girls just felt “right” as a younger girl and I didn’t know why, but when I was older (around 12 or 13) I started thinking about the possibility of being attracted to girls, and when I was 14 I came out for the first time, and at that point I came out as a lesbian, I dated two girls between the ages of 15 and 17. And even though I had come out as a lesbian before and even though I was 99.9999999% sure that I was as gay as they come, I decided to come out again as pansexual when I was 16. I’m 20 right now (like I said, I married really young) and I just don’t know what to do. I LOVE my husband, and I can admit he’s attractive, but it’s becoming harder and harder for me to have sex with him due to his gender. I’m okay when he uses toys on me, but I honestly feel so distant when we have sex or when I pleasure him. That’s all I wanted to say :( <3 Great article btw.

    • Warzo says

      Really sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. I would say you’re still really young though and you have your whole life ahead of you. If you love your husband as a friend but know your deeper feelings of love and wanting to be close to someone are centred around women, then for both your sakes in the long run, think hard & carefully about whether it would be fairer to leave now, make your own way in the world and allow him to make his too. I’m in my 40s and I’ve met so many women who bottled up those feelings, had kids and waited 20+ years to be themselves… Please try not to do that to yourself.

  31. UnknownPartofMe says

    I guess I’ve known since I was 7 I was a lesbian. I use to hate myself for it till middle school. I am now 16. I pretty much accepted that part of me, even though I know I wont be able to actaully date a girl openly because I’m still in the closet. I’m stage 2.

  32. Anonymous says

    i like girls ive been going through these stages since grade 5, ive learned to accept it but i was wondering like most lesbians would never think of being with a man, but im open to it. what does that mean for me?

    • Abi says

      You may possibly be bisexual or you could be confused. At first I thought that I too was bisexual but now I know I’m just a lesbian.

    • Nicki H says

      I’m 15 and I have known that I was gay for as long as I can remember. My mom is a really supportive person and so is her side of the family, although my dad and his side of the family is the complete opposite. I have given my mom so many hints (that I’m gay) but she won’t catch on… I have basically told her that all of my girl friends like boys and they always describe how a guy will make them feel, and that I have those same feelings too except I feel that way about girls not guys.. I have told her different things along these lines but I’ve never flat out said that I’m gay.. I am just afraid of what my dad and his side of the family are gonna think if I do in fact come out, after all we don’t have the best relationship as it is. I am also Catholic and everytime I go to church I feel sick because ik that I really shouldn’t be there cause I’m lesbian and I have accepted it. I have not even tried dating guys because just the thought of it makes me want to throw up. I just don’t want to be thrown to the curb if I do come out officially.

  33. Lauren says

    I’m 12 years old, and I think I like girls. My parents rant very accepting so I haven’t told them. What should I do?

    • Kylie says

      I’m 16 and I think I may be in a similar position to you. I plan on never telling my parents and somehow think that’s going to … make it go away. I don’t know. I don’t want to tell ANYONE, because I myself am a Christian, and so is my family, and I believe that I’m not supposed to do it, so I’m just wondering how far I can go with it – like, maybe I can kiss girls, just not sleep with them or marry them. Anyway. At 12 years old I had no idea that I was gay (even though I had the most insane crush on a TEACHER, and I can’t believe I didn’t latch on at that point). My advice is that you don’t say anything yet. For one thing, you may not know yet, for sure – and do you like boys as well, or do you think it’s only girls? Because if you like boys too, your parents probably won’t hate the idea so much. Secondly, you can remind them that they were born to love the opposite sex – your mother to love boys, your father to love girls. Just explain to them that, like your father grew up being attracted to girls, you did too, and – if you don’t like boys – being with a guy would be like being with a guy would be to your dad. I think that helps people get a perspective on the topic, sometimes. Thirdly… you don’t have to tell anyone, yet, if you don’t want to. Hey, I’ve known for a year and haven’t told anyone, except my brother, but I think he’s forgotten anyway. :)

  34. Madi says

    I am 13 and going into grade 8. I think I am stage 3. And I’ve been thinking and dreaming about doing things with girls. I am nervous that I will never have a girlfriend. Ever. Idk why. I just think no girl would ever like me. Am I weird for thinking that?

    • Marie says

      No, Madi, it isn’t weird at all. I’m eighteen, 1-8, an ADULT, and I am still scared that no girl will ever, ever want to go out with me! It’s really and truly scary to ask someone out, no matter if they are a man, or a woman, or if you KNOW they like you. But you know what? If you don’t ask, you’ll never get a girlfriend. And living without experiencing love is sucky. Don’t let your life suck, especially if you have this revelation this young ( I had to take SIX YEARS (of mostly avoidance) to realize, yes, I did like women and there was nothing wrong with that ). You’re lucky you can be honest with yourself; be courageous as well! All of us are here to back you up. Lots of love!!!

    • Anonymous says

      I’m also 13 in eighth grade and I feel the exact same way. I’ve known since third grade but I am just now recently accepting it myself. I fear that I will never get a girlfriend Either. All of my close friends are homophobic so I can’t come out to them. I fear that I will have to wait until after high school. I’m sick of having to pretend I like boys. I really need some advice.

  35. Anonymous says

    I’m at stage one….barely.Not even sure if I’m a lesbian yet…I’m 11,guess I’m too young to know yet,huh?

    • Anonymous says

      I’m 11 too, and I’ve kind of come to terms with the fact that, “Hey, I like girls!” But, as young as we are, things may change..

    • Anonymous says

      You are definitely not! I knew when I was in third grade but I’m just now accepting it. I a lesbian at 13 years of age and im proud. I couldn’t be happier. If you think you might be then you should act on it or experiment to really see. I would recommend watching the channel ‘lesbian love’ on YouTube. Bria and Chrissy helped me accept myself.

    • Abi says

      You are definitely not! I knew when I was in third grade but I’m just now accepting it. I a lesbian at 13 years of age and im proud. I couldn’t be happier. If you think you might be then you should act on it or experiment to really see. I would recommend watching the channel ‘lesbian love’ on YouTube. Bria and Chrissy helped me accept myself.

  36. Harmand Amadeus says

    My Name is Harmand Amadeus from California. I am here to give testimony on how got my wife back. My wife left me for no reason 3 years ago. She moved out with another man, i felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good and does not even charge for his services, he said he gave him some lucky numbers that he played in a lottery and he won. I didn’t believe it because I’ve worked with so many of them and it didn’t work. He begged me further so i decided to try this great spell caster called DR. OTIAGBE and i contacted him via his email: {}. I still didn’t believe. I used the spell he gave me and the next day i received a call from my darling wife called Rugina last month. She apologized and came back to me. I’m very happy now. Thank you DR. OTIAGBE, You can reach him via email: {}

  37. Janet says

    I am at step 1 and 2, I’ve been with men, and I have a beautiful little girl…but I ve been going through this mental crisis where I only want to be with a woman, and I am like, I can’t be gay because i have been with men and kissed a few girls but I am not happy with men, I grew up in a Christian home and I can’t go against God right? So I tried to surpress it and the more I surpress it the more I long to be with a woman and not a man :( everyone wonders if I am and I always say no but deep down inside I know that I am. It’s like I am at war with myself :( sorry for rambling but it feels good not hold it in.

    • Anonymous says

      That is exactly how I feel, my daughter is my world and I’ve always been with men but never happy and I’ve always felt that I was meant to be with a women but hid it from everyone and myself..

        • Kim says

          You’re definitely not alone… I’m 20, and I’m working on the acceptance stage. Subconsciously I’ve known I’m at least bisexual since I was a freshman in high school. It took me by surprise, I was online talking to people and I met a girl who’s beautiful and smart and witty. I had a boyfriend at the time and I ignored the feelings I was having for her for years. Just a couple of months ago I came out to my best friend, and much to my sort of surprise she told me that she’s bisexual too. I say sort of surprise because when she got drunk she would kiss girls, but that’s not really uncommon, is it? Funny though, we’re both bi and I’m the only one of her girl friends she hasn’t kissed… xD And I’m okay with that, we were inseparable in high school, everyone thought we were together, but really she’s just my platonic other half.

          Anyway, the same night I told her, I also told my boyfriend (not the same one I was with, different guy). His immediate reaction was to get quietly angry because he thought I was running away with Brooke (my best friend). But after I reassured him that was not the case, he came to terms with it and even suggested that we could have a threesome if I wanted to experiment with this. Maybe I’m weird, but I just can’t do it. I can’t have sex with two different people at the same time, it just seems ridiculous and awkward, but I guess I’ve always been more reserved that way.

          Tim and I have a son together, I love both of them. Tim and I make an awesome team, and as curious as I might be, I decided to stay with my two guys, we’re a family. But last night I had a dream that I stole my former best guy friend’s girl friend. A few weeks ago I had a dream that I made out with Lisa Cuddy from the show House. It’s making it really hard for me, constantly wondering what it would be like to be with a girl. (The “What Was Your First Lesbian Experience Like?” page didn’t help either… Why do I torture myself? lol)

          But everything about it scares the shit out of me. Sometimes I fantasize about holding a girls hand, and even that gets my heart going and my palms sweaty. I wish I could be so filled with confidence that approaching people that way was something I felt comfortable doing.

          All of this makes me feel extremely guilty though. I’m with a man I love deeply, and I’m thinking about sex with someone else… I feel like I’m cheating on him in my mind, and that makes me feel terrible. I’ve been cheated on so I know exactly what it’s like. But I can’t really help it. I don’t want to break up my family just to “experiment”, that seems incredibly selfish. So I’m kind of at a loss as to how any of this is going to work itself out. I don’t know how I get myself into these messes all the time, it’s like my entire being is one giant contradiction lol.

    • Confused says

      That is exactly how I feel, my daughter is my world and I’ve always been with men but never happy and I’ve always felt that I was meant to be with a women but hid it from everyone and myself..

      • Elizabeth says

        The thing is that god always loves you. He forgives everyone, there is not a single thing that you can do to change that. Jesus went around everyday finding the “impure” and inviting them to join his congregation. I am a thirteen-year old lesbian between stages two and three. My “best friend” is a little bit more and we have finally decided to start dating…though i still am not confident enough to tell my family, only my close friends.

    • Anonymous says

      Janet, I am in exactly same boat as u. I have always been with men and have a lovely little boy. But I had an experience with my best friend who is bi a couple of months ago and it made me feel like nothing I ever felt before. Now I am really confused and I too have the worry of being a church member to battle with as well. I really could do with some help xxx

    • Seeking Answers says

      Janet… I can relate. I am married to a man whom I love and have a beautiful daughter who is my whole world. Confused about some attractions to women I have really had as long as I can remember but have recently actually acknowledged. I just never allowed myself to even consider that I might b gay. I too was raised in a Christian home and am a Christian. I live in an area where there isn’t much of a gay community. Being a lesbian has never even been an option. I just feel like it is time to be whoever it is that I am. Gay or straight is only a part of that. But I am n my 30’s and it is time. Just wanted to let u know I can relate! Good to kno there r people who r n a similar position.

      • Anonymous says

        Wow I am in the exact same boat. Not sure what happened to me and don’t necessarily feel like I fit in anywhere. Also grew up very conservative and married a sweetheart of a husband. That makes it even more complicated and difficult. Would love to talk with you further.

        • Anonymous says

          I am in my 30’s by the way and never “caught the drift” of the pattern I now see was happening at a young age of having various female friends become my world. Must have something to do with being sheltered , Christian, and not ever seeing it as any sort of option. Well it is staring me in the face now and something that is becoming harder and harder to ignore. My smack in the face was falling hard for my lesbian best friend. That has since dissolved and been one of the most painful times of my life. Where to go from here? Not to mention, I have had a difficult time finding any other women (Christian, moral, NOT promiscuous, educated, emotionally available, by all appearances normal) in my shoes. Wish you the best awareness and would love to talk w you.


  38. dana says

    i’m 23 and i just came out to my family and few friends but i’m afraid to tell my sexuality to my officemates though they’re really close to me. they have asked once if i’m a lesbian because i have this certain walk and i still don’t have a boyfriend though i’m smart and pretty and i said “no, i’m super straight” but it felt hard inside coz i know i’m super lying to them. sometimes i joke that i’m gay… it’s really hard for me.

  39. Sofi says

    I’m quite sure i’m at step 2. It’s been a rough road to get here though. My entire family never mentioned gay or lesbian communities, couples etc. The church we went to never mentioned it and my school never mentioned it so I was left in the dark for a large period of time. Only a year ago (15) did I find out through the internet (I know right) and I began to question everything.
    So by the time I got to middle school I got a few crushes, even though I had no concept of lesbianism and was feeling quite terrible that I didn’t like boys like all the other girls. I ended up getting bullied, left alone and got terribly depressed and self conscious. By 13 I turned to alcohol (thank god drugs were not around) and almost died of alcohol poising… 3 times. I also almost broke my neck by throwing myself of a 50 foot tall boat. So I got home schooled and it got even worse, I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted and dove deeper into depression.
    I tried to commit suicide twice via pills, but thank god my body has high tolerance for poison. (my parents still don’t know about that one). So I went back to school to start high school because I locked myself in my room for six months.. and immediately felt confused. I would stare at hot girls and wonder why I did and stare at guys and wonder why I didn’t feel anything. So I trudged along and im pretty sure I didn’t speak a word that year at school (no kidding).
    The summer between 9th and 10th grade I decided I needed to turn my life around. So I set out to go meet people and find myself…I wasted half my tenth grade year blabbering at girls and being mesmerized by my own foolishness. The only good thing that came out of that semester was meeting my best guy friend that really turned my life around. Around that time I also was introduced to the gay community but really didn’t thing it applied to me.
    So.. (your a sport if your still reading haha) of course second semester he told me he had a crush on me and I was pretty sure I had a crush on him until we kissed and I felt nothing, nada, zip. So I thought something was wrong with me and then I remembered…so I spent this summer researching what it was to be a lesbian and sure enough… here I am step 2: acknowledgement.
    There is still a long road ahead but hopefully my past experiences give me a nice platform to trudge through the path less traveled.

  40. just me says

    It took me forever to scroll down to write a comment- so many good stories and answers! I just had to read them all!

    I think im at that Acknowledgement, since I can openly say that I like girls, but then laugh, use sarcastic voice or just joke about it. I havent really said it ‘seriously’ yet tho. I wish i could just say it and live happily ever after with a girl, but its not that simple. My family is open-minded, but my friends– well i dont know.. they do acually joke about me being gay too, just i think they are just being what they are– jokes. Maybe if i’d come out they would say that they knew- or they would look at me, turn away and just walk away and then tell everyone.

    So yes, i wish i could come out properly, but its just.. i dont have the courage..

  41. Becky says

    I’m in Stage 1 — I mean, come on, I’m in my 40’s, was married to someone I didn’t love for 18 years, have 3 amazing kids — never ever ever never acted on any thoughts I had about my sexuality, as a matter of fact, avoidance and deflection are my superpowers. But… then,
    Stage 2 — which is where I’m cautiously dipping my big toe.

    As I read this article, I wasn’t thinking, “hell yeah! I’m so empowered!” I was thinking, “oh shit. Why does this all sound like my life and oh shit do I want to keep pretending or be honest… and, oh shit.”

    Thank you for this!

    • Lauren says

      I feel for you Becky. I can only imagine what you are going through. I am in my twenties and I am a lesbian I fell in love with my 40 yr old married friend who has two children. I always thought she had something for me but I guess I was wrong. I would love to talk with you and hear your story.

  42. vicky says

    A couple of weeks ago I was in a dark period in my life, the man I love to bits had gone off with someone else, that was when I was told about this Esango Priest. Well he told me he could see that we would get back together that gave me hope, and he was right, because this week we have moved in with each other and we are so happy. A big thank you to Esango Priest. If you are in need of an angel please get in touch with my Esango Priest via

  43. Sarah says

    I started noticing my feelings towards girls in sixth grade. I came out as bisexual in sixth grade (only to my “best” friend). She didn’t really handle it the way I would have wanted…but hey we were only like twelve! I then came out to my mother and most of the people at school in seventh grade. The reactions were so negative. My mother told me it was just a phase, and the girls at school were all freaked out by me. I was so ashamed. I immediately just tried to ignore those feelings and focussed solely on guys. I shoved any feelings toward girls way down. I moved from California to Texas at the end of seventh grade, and took this as a brand new start. I decided I was just going to be straight and not ever let anyone know that I was anything other than that. That lasted a whopping like four months maybe? Yeah. I had my first girlfriend that year (8th grade at this point). We kissed and held hands and everything. It felt soooo natural. When those negative reactions became too much for me, I did the same thing as before. By ninth grade I had fooled around with guys. By tenth grade I had slept with and had relationships with a few. By eleventh grade I had been with 11 guys (sexually). By my senior year I had been with over 20. I was trying to force myself to be straight. I was trying to find that connection that I had with women in those guys. Needless to say I never found it and felt empty. For college, I moved to Oregon. I had been so into forcing myself to “be straight” that in Oregon I didn’t treat it as a new start or anything, I just was straight. Now, being back in Texas since January, I have begun to come to terms with the fact that I am not straight, not bisexual, just a lesbian. I have not ever had sex with a female, and have had people tell me that I am not gay unless I have experienced the sexual part. That is ridiculous. Do virgins who are straight just not know their sexuality until they sleep with a man? What about girls who wait until marriage? No. Absolutely not. As of now, I have come out to my cousin and my current best friend. Both are, in fact, lesbians. I guess right now I just need some motivation to completely accept who I am and to be able to be open with those that I love. Any advice?

    • Kayla says

      Hi I’m 12 and I think I’m lesbian but I’m so confused I don’t really like guys but I’m not ready for girls well I like girls but just think I’m not pretty or stuff like that I told my cousin and she was fine with it but I don’t know about my future because I told a guy I was lesbian then he told his friend but thankfully that was it. But I’m scared that people would hate me if I was lesbian:`( that why I just keep it to my self but what should i do should I tell my friend’s and family or should I keep it a secret and never tell anyone please give me advice I don’t know what to do

      • Sarah says

        Kayla, you definitely sound like you’re not ready to really make that decision. Mostly because you are young and you said that you aren’t ready. It’s just like being straight, when you’re ready for certain things in regards to sex and relationships, you’ll know. I hope that you won’t rush anything. I also hope that you will have a good support system when you do come out.

        • heyyy says

          You are young. You have a long time to figure it out. Don’t put pressure on yourself right now. I am 27 and just starting to figure it out. Enjoy being a teenager and hanging out with friends.

    • ankita says

      Hey sarah i am ankita from india. I have read your passage & now i came to the point that dont fear in life.Just accept that what you are.its your own life & you have the right to live it in your ways.It sounds that you are a lesbo but dont scare about it & try to explain this to your parents ok & if you dont feel better or want any other suggestion just mail me at

    • Anonymous says

      I just want you to know that you’re not alone in that forcing guys process.
      Gosh I currently know this really nice guy and have tried these dates still and I’ve been with girls. I’ve confused my family since the age of 11, because I ran in and out of the closet so to speak. I’m afraid. It’s like sometimes it doesn’t matter what support or positive reactions I’ve gotten. I’m afraid and have been self-homophobic in a sense. It’s terrible and I’m getting through it. I’ve got my stack of self help books. But seriously understand that you’re not alone.
      Just be patient with yourself, and have no regrets (well take educated risks).
      I also recommend doing research, that has helped me. Looking to people that will inspire and empower you is the best medicine. They don’t have to be gay necessarily but it definitely can be a grounding role model for your self esteem. To also know that they’ve survived their life’s setbacks.
      Good luck and remember be patient with yourself.

  44. Honey says

    Ugh. I have had the most troubling experience so brace yourselves for head-shaking and laughter….

    When I was young I was a tom-boy. I played Soccer and Softball and always had very close, almost obsessive friendships with girls. I recall being fascinated when all my friends started to develop breasts before me and wanted to touch them. I was also very shy and insecure though, so when it came to guys I think I just went along with it to try to fit in. I have dated a few guys since and slept with many…maybe to fill the hole. Recently however, I saw a psychic when I was travelling and I happened to ask her what she felt about my sexuality and she instantly responded “What? I though you knew you were gay?” This came as a shock to me because I always felt bisexual and sometimes questioned which “side” I was on but I always felt more straight. So when she told me this I thought of a list of things that could now be explained.

    The problem was that it was a shock. I told too many people I worked with…panicked when guys asked me out like I was no longer allowed to see them- like I was being told I was allergic to a food I loved. I always thought if you were to have a realisation like this then there should be a “penny dropping” effect where things seem to align for you. Things just weren’t sitting right. I ended up seeing another psychic and she straight out said I am attracted to men (particularly black guys- which is true) and that I appreciate hot women but I don’t ‘lust’ after them per say. So, determined to stick with what I knew, I took this to be truth and went back to the other chick to tell her she was wrong. She was adamant that my soul mate is female, and that I have been gay in the 5 past lives I have had and I am gay in this one. She said that perhaps the other woman was saying what I wanted to hear. The other lady did tell me I “needed Jesus” so that was an alarm.

    I was always interested in movies with lesbians in it and lesbians I met growing up. Psychic said I pushed being gay out of my head when I was ten and am only now accepting it- we all come out when we are ready. This would also make sense given my family’s beliefs and that an uncle of mine came out after having 2 kids with my aunt and “ruined her life.” Gays don’t get a good wrap on either side of my family. I have never felt a REAL connection with guys but I always put that down to the fact that I am a perfectionist and seeing as I am overweight I would never be comfortable until I got fit. The the catch 22 becomes, is the thing stopping me from eating right and driving me to never succeed the fact that I know I am doing it for the wrong reasons and that I need to accept myself as gay before I can move forward?

    Also, the idea of going down on a woman weirds me out. I almost sort of did it once but I was super drunk. Psychic said to try it again with someone I care about to see. So maybe my next step in this mess is to try the girl thing again and see how I feel. If it feels more right than with guys then maybe I am gay. I ended up telling work people that it was all a misunderstanding and that I am straight and I can’t believe I let someone else tell me what I am…but that was a month ago, and I am still dealing with underlying stress and confusion. Really, I shouldn’t mind what shape or form my soul mate comes in- but I would like to live my life by my true nature and if that is gay, I need to know so I can accept it.

    Any advice anyone?

    Thanks :s

    • Enigma says

      I’ve met people in your situation so do not worry you are not alone. When explained to me by them sometimes it was the fact that society is straight. Since we are little we read books about how it’s a man and a woman. It’s not easy being gay but it’s super easy to pretend being straight. It’s not easy to be the minority of a society that will even kill you because of who you love. You don’t as many looks, you can go places comfortably, and you can have pda in public usually without moms shielding the eyes of their children lol . I’m not trying to say that you’re going to walk out with your gf and immediately get stoned but you hopefully get my gist. Perhaps maybe because it’s been such a negative reaction to you trying to be yourself that you don’t know where to turn. It’s like a never ending circle. Keep up hope, your 24 and your soul-mate is out there be it male or female. It won’t be fireworks or a big banner that lets you know you found them, it just happens when you’re not looking. Maybe try going to a gay friendly side of town to have lunch. You know, start small. Don’t over-think it too much. That may be apart of the problem. Sometimes you have to let things happen and not try to make things happen. Make a few gay friends even. I’ve found male gay friends are the best in helping you transition at times. They have it even harder. Sometimes it’s the environment we choose that then makes us who we are. If you’re in-between spend half your time in the straight world and half your time in the gay world. You will eventually begin to lean towards one or the other. Hopefully I was some help.

  45. purpleunicorn says

    well basically everyday i come to this website and read the comments for encouragement or comfort. i’m fifteen and i’m still in the closet.
    Why won’t i come out? my parents. It’s a painful thing to live with people who hate lesbians, and the whole LGBT community. Coming out would mean my whole family disowning me. I’m an only child and it would be so painful for my parents to look at me with regret. pretty sure i’m the first lesbian in my family.
    recently i tried forcing myself to like guys. it was so impossible. everytime i tried to ‘flirt’ with one, i would see an attractive girl walk by and i’d feel like crying. it’s a painful thing to have to cover up who you are. Going to church is the worst. i’m always hearing ‘God hates the sin but loves the sinner’, can i even help who i love? i doubt anyone is reading this and i know some might probably think ‘pshh she’s just a kid 15’. honestly i can’t do this anymore, it’s eating me up. It’s not easy having to explain to your friends why you didn’t accept a date from that ‘hot’ guy, or why you haven’t had your fist kiss, ( which i have with a girl) with a boy. it gets harder each day

    • Kat says

      I totally understand – I’m fifteen, and I haven’t come out to my parents.
      I’m in both stage 1 and stage 3. I’m still dating boys like there’s no tomorrow, or I was until a couple of months ago, when I broke up with my latest boyfriend because I felt so guilty I wasn’t attracted to him. I’m super accepting of myself and all for dating girls, I just don’t want to tell anyone but my close friends.
      I think telling friends was one of the most important thing I did, it was just a huge weight off my shoulders and I feel so much more comfortable. I only told a couple, yet it made a huge difference.
      I know it sucks being in a non-accepting environment, especially having to pretend to be someone you’re not, but finding at least one place you can be yourself (around friends, on the internet, wherever) is so important and can be such a great thing. Finding places like this, and Autostraddle, are really a life saver.
      I hope it all works out, sweetie.

      • purpleunicorn says

        Oh wow, thanks for replying, i was seriously scared i wasn’t going to get any advicee… blegh.
        I do hope it works out, the past few weeks have been harder..
        But thanks so much xxx :)

      • Anonymous says

        On the contrary, you atheists are the real haters. You trash-talk religion, support abortion, create mass genocides, drugs, & engage in perverted lifestyles…sex sex sex drugs drugs drugs abortion abortion abortion. You see an unborn child as subhuman, you trash talk anyone with a different view, you name-call those who you can’t agree with. I don’t agree nor approve of the homosexual lifestyle, but I don’t “hate” those who engage in it. But thank you for reveling your agenda. I always knew the end game of queers & Communists was criminalize Christianity.

    • Purple=awesome says

      Hi. You probably won’t see this bit I am in a situation just like you… I’m also recently 15. I’ve never had a first kiss either. But I have kissed a girl as a dare…and I quite liked it. I’ve known for a while and I have only told my bestfriend to find out she was bisexual. I’ve been looking for advice but I’m to scared to ask …and the thing is the girl that I kissed was also my best friend. No one will probably see this but I would love some advice!

    • Purple=awesome says

      Hi. You probably won’t see this but I am in a situation just like you… I’m also recently 15. I’ve never had a first kiss either. But I have kissed a girl as a dare…and I quite liked it. I’ve known for a while and I have only told my bestfriend to find out she was bisexual. I’ve been looking for advice but I’m to scared to ask …and the thing is the girl that I kissed was also my best friend. No one will probably see this but I would love some advice!

  46. Anonymousnesss says

    i think i’m still at the avoidance stage. i started questioning if i was a lesbian like 3 years ago. My first kiss was a girl. Anyways, i actually decided to talk to my mother about it and she told me i’ts just a phase and i’m just young and my mind is wandering off (i’m 15 btw) . problem is i don’t think it’s just a phase, i don’t find my self attracted to boys, I’ve always thought about girls. Lately I’ve been trying to get myself to like boys but it isn’t rally working. I guess that’s just how i am. I also go to a school where tons of people hate gay people, i remember talking to my friends one day and one was like, ‘ i really think gay people will go to hell’ and i was just there with my face scrunched up whispering ‘no no no’. Thinks like that make me scare of accepting who i am….

  47. Carter says

    I’m at the aviodence stage I thinik. But I’ve been noticing myself looking at girls, their brests mostly, and I don’t like guys like I like girls. THis article really helped me. I think I might be able to move onto stage two hopfully, but I’m not ready to comr out quite yet./ Thank you so much

  48. Miss Myliss says

    I had always questioned myself, as I was always the tomboy. When I was young I always felt like I shouldn’t have been female, and always felt protective and awkwardly clumsy of in front of more delicate and girlier girls. At the age of 4 I told my mum that I wanted to be a boy. I held onto that belief for many years afterward, even though everyone just laughed, at my “cuteness”.
    I dismissed it all until my teen years. I always found boys cute, and girls I was unsure. I have always been super self-conscious of myself, and would avert my eyes in the change rooms; I once had a dream of a relationship with my best friend’s cousin, I had never felt so happy afterwards.
    Then in my final two years of school, I fell head-over-heels for this one girl – at least I think I did. Every time I saw her my chest tightened, and I could feel a slight blush, and every time she smiled it made me feel like my heart would burst with joy. I always wanted to be around her, and I desperately wanted to be her closest friend. I tried to convince myself otherwise, that it was only friendship I wanted, and tried to get close to her without creeping her out. At first it was amazing, but then she distanced herself, maybe she picked up on it, or maybe she just grew tired of me. It hurt… everyday… I didn’t know what to do and I wanted to concentrate on final exams… we have finished school for just over half a year and we have a reunion in a month… I’m not sure whether she will ignore me or not, but I want to talk with her at least once more before I never see her again.
    I have convinced myself I am bi but the past few weeks I’ve been starting to question it. When I make out with guys, I grow bored and unstimulated very quickly. It all feels more like a chore.
    I went to an all girls Catholic school and feel that I cannot tell anyone, as almost all of my friends are girls. I’m scared that if I tell my best friend or my brother, neither will view our relationship the same. I originally made the same preconceived judgement’s of lesbian or bi, and I am scared and regretful over the knowledge that they will hold the same judgements.
    I have always felt happy and curious with any lesbian couples I saw or watched in movies, and perhaps jealous(?). I have never kissed a girl, but have once or twice felt a compulsion to. I think I will soon go soul-searching or whatever, and finally go on a date with a girl and see how it goes…
    If I tell my best friend she might let me experiment (with kissing), but as I said, she might not view me the same, and has been my best friend for my whole life. And what if I develop further feelings for her (I don’t know if I could deal, I love her too much as a sister).
    I have been messing around with a guy, who is a friend and I don’t know what to tell him either, I don’t know whether it’s him, or whether I simply do not like guys.
    I’ve had a feeling that I was either bi or gay for 5 years now, and have known that I like girls to some degree for 2.

    The problem is I don’t yet know what I am and if I come out, my dad will not accept me and neither will anybody on his side of the family. They will make cruel jokes or tease or will not believe me for the rest of my life. Even my mum made a joke the other day that I found slightly offensive, and I know my grandparents would be abhorred at the very idea. I will rip my close knit family apart, and it will be irreparable, and I don’t think I could live with that – I love them more than I love myself, and I rather live my life in secret than ever hurt them. For that reason alone, I sincerely hope I am bi, for at least I can feign a stable relationship and be relatively happy. I don’t want to feel alone and unhappy anymore, especially not for the rest of my life, so if I do find a female soul-mate, it will remain a secret for a very long time.

    Even if nobody reads this, it is finally good to tell people. I hate lying and keeping everything bottled up as it eats away at me. I have been so close to telling people, but…haven’t. I am an optimist and believe that in good time it will all work out in the end.
    I have a long and lonely road ahead.
    I just don’t know if I can wait that long.
    I hope anyone who is confused as I am can piece it all together sooner, and have better luck at acceptance of yourselves, and of others acceptance of you, than I have and will have.
    Good luck everyone and may you find a mutual love and attraction, someone special, in your life!

    • Anonymous says

      I read it(: oh gosh we are basically in the same position!! (Except I have been with girls before..) I hope you work things out, I’m sure we’ll figure out how our lives are meant to go soon enough. Good luck, and remember always try to do what makes you happy, it’s the most important thing! X

    • Tabby says

      I read it(: oh gosh we are basically in the same position!! (Except I have been with girls before..) I hope you work things out, I’m sure we’ll figure out how our lives are meant to go soon enough. Good luck, and remember always try to do what makes you happy, it’s the most important thing! X

    • Anonymous says

      I was in exactly the same position as you in high school. From 9th to 12th grade I crush-loved 2 different girls. After school ended, it took me over 6 months to get over 1 of those particular girls. It is never easy. I wasn’t even out to MYSELF at this point! At the age of 18! If you are figuring it out sooner, go you. Seriously. I tried to date some guys, the longest relationship was 4 weeks and he was a man I admired and respected, but I realised that if I couldn’t love him, then my attraction to girls was too strong for men to compete with. I started by coming out to a single person I believed I could trust. Just someone you know won’t spill the beans. Mine was my older brother. Yours could be a friend, a sibling, a cousin, an aunt or uncle. And it doesn’t have to be right away. You can experience life/girls without giving your family a thesis on your sexuality. That can come later. Just breathe. Things will happen in their own time. If you feel like you’re going to pop, trust me, you won’t. You’ll be alive the next day. It can get tough, you’ll fantasise and dream a lot, but that’s normal. In the mean time, perhaps some distance between you and your best might help you focus on the end of school Get through that milestone first and then tackle your sexuality. It’s what I did. I was losing my sh** at the end of school so cut myself off temporarily, for sanity. If your bestie doesn’t get it, just say you really need to study and that after exams you can mellow out.

      Don’t feel like you have to expose yourself to your family just yet. I get it though. It’s like we have two weights inside of us. One responds to how we feel about ourselves, the other respond to how others behave towards us, how they see us. For the time being, let go of thinking what others think. Don’t even factor that in because this is your personal life, and it doesn’t need to be everybody else’s knews. So focus on that weight inside that concerns how you feel about yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s time. And it does get easier.

      You’re still young. No need to dive headfirst. The girls aren’t going anywhere, trust me. But if you do happen to meet someone who likes you back, be honest with them about your feelings and fears, but be brave with them also. It’s worth it.

  49. Courtney says

    I need some advice. Well more advice than this, this was very helpful.I think I’m at the acknowledgement stage (never even thought of avoiding who I am) But anyway, I’m 20 and trying to figure myself out and the clues seems to be that I might be a lesbian, full on. I have no interest in guys and when guys do try to hit on me it makes very uncomfortable and nervous. I wouldn’t mind it nearly as much if it was a girl. But I have almost no one to talk to, my aunt and grandmother wouldn’t love me any less and I’m happy to have their support.

    My parents are different, they’ve always talked down about about being gay or just different in general, and my mother has said hurtful things to me about it. What do I do? I want to know, for my own sake, but I’m scared at the same time. If I am a lesbian what do I tell my parents? I don’t know how they will react or how they will react to me. Help, please.

  50. sheila says

    I am stuck at acknowledgement. even though I’ve had three lesbian experiences. with three different women. one of them my best friend.

  51. Help meeee says

    Hey! Im 13 going on 14 and I have a favorite youtuber, Michelle aka Minx who is a lesbian with her fiance Krism. Ive been watching them for about 2 years. They do not use facecam. Anyway I thought that I always loved boys and I knew and accepted the idea of being a lesbian I just never thought that would be me. I now realize I never really loved any boys; only thought they were cute. I only get turned on by girls. Girls are just so beautiful in every way. Plus you can get very close to a girl like some best friends do then simply confess, yet Im not sure if I am a lesbian or not. I never really have ever had a deep affection for guys. Not the supermodel on that magazine, not the cute kid in my class. Cute or hot even but not in love.
    I think Ive accepted myself as a lesbian now, but answer me: How easy is it to find a lesbian soulmate? I am generally made fun of in school and If they knew I was gay that would make it worse. But I think its worth it. Am I lesbian? Its all so exciting to me ^-^ please answer my questions :p

    • Anonymous says

      Minx and Krism are so totally in love, and they live on different continents and whenever they have the money they visit each other. They are so adorable and they are truly in love. I just want that kind of true relationship.

    • Loves God AND Girls says

      Hey Honey,

      Questioning who you are can be very confusing – and that’s okay. I can’t say weather or not you are a lesbian because I am not you. :P Here are my two pieces of advice:
      a) take your time – you are still really young. I was 15 when I started to wonder if I was a lesbian and now I am 20 and I know I am. It takes a while – so just give yourself time to think about how you are feeling.
      b) The people who make fun of you at school will be working for you someday. You will be the successful person. Study hard and stay true to yourself. If the bullying gets bad tell someone – no one deserves to be treated badly. That being said: if you think someone will hurt you (emotionally or physically) if they knew you might not be straight – don’t tell them. It is always your choice who you tell. You may choose to tell everyone you are a lesbian/bi (if you realize you are) or you might choose to tell no one – it’s your choice.
      c) There are less lesbians around – because most people are straight so it might be a little harder to find our soul-mates. BUT – maybe that means we will just have to date less to find them. :P Don’t worry – there is someone for everyone and you are still young. This is your time to be free. You don’t have to worry about dating yet (unless you want to.)
      If you have any other questions let me know. :)

  52. alex says

    My parents are lesbians and I love them very much. I was conceived through IVF. I know my parents would have know problem with me being a lesbian. I am 15 and I kind of think i’m too young to even know if i am or not. I know I am on stage 1. I really am in denial and scared but I don’t know what of. I’m not sure if I have been influenced by my parents or it is just me. I’m just so confused at the moment. I don’t really want to be with a girl but i am attracted to the idea of being with one.

    • anonymous says

      Girls are just so hot.. im 15 too an get them out of my head.. Im in love with my best friend and its kind of hard to love someone who doesnt love you back.. I fell in love with her about a year ago and after a couple of mothes she had a boyfriend, and has been with him ever since. I came out to her before she had a boyfriend.. so since im her best friend, most of our conversations are about him, which is just too heartbreaking… I just with that I could find some girl someday to love me the way I would love her (I doubt that)

    • Wonderful Ata says

      I have always wondered from the POV of lesbian and gay children what its like for them and how much does growing up in non-heterogeneous homes influence their choice of relationships. Would like to enumerate on how you have felt and why you think your parents relationship type may be influencing yours as well especially when I presume you also have various heterogeneous influences around you.
      Thanks for replying

    • Wonderful Ata says

      I have always wondered from the POV of lesbian and gay children what its like for them and how much does growing up in non-heterogeneous homes influence their choice of relationships. Would like you to enumerate on how you have felt and why you think your parents relationship type may be influencing yours as well especially when I presume you also have various heterogeneous influences around you.
      Thanks for replying

  53. Metal-Lover says

    I never really had a problem with my gay-ass. My mother always said I should be proud of who I am and she knew I was a lesbian before I even knew what that word means :D She once said: If you bring someday a girl home and say ‘Mum, thats my girlfriend’ I will accept her as my second daughter. I never told her that I like girls but she knows anyway… well, I’m happy to have a mother like that! :) And my friends accept me too… soooo Lesbian world, here I come! :D

  54. in the closet says

    Well….urm lets see…i have come to terms with myself..I am very very proud of myself…im suprised it took me so long…i mean i am really that gay!..I am so into girls..It has always been in my subconcious..i mean i never labelled myself..considering the fact that I have no gay interactions what so ever…which is because od where I live…i pretty much figured it out all on my own..i sti have no idea how though..i watched imagine me and you..and it hit me of how serious this is…this could ruin someones life…living with a secret this big..and letting it effect you in such ways that it could destroy you..i havn’t come out to anyone..i would be screwed…where i live Malawi, central africa..and my family background…british isn’t a muslim..i have faith in my lord..but about me being ga..i cant help it..i have tried so damn hard to stop…but its proud..i think of how stupid i am..secretly in this tight knit envelope..hiding a secret so big..not a soul afraid..afraid it will someday destroy me..because im going through the phase where I want not a guy…ive never had one..explains everything..why i am the way i am..i want a women..someone to care for..someone who knows how i am and still wants me..over here no one is going to 18..turning 19 this year..i wish i had a ticket to get out this shit..the only thing closing in on me..which makes me wince..disgusted and happy at the same the fact that im gay..ive never been with a women..or anyone..i wish for someone..who would take me thoughts are wrong when it comes to upsets me..i feel it is a curse..but i know it isnt..i pray for a time where nobosd has to go through is horrible..and you end up hurting the most..just you..i hope i figure it out..i pray i do..even if i get married to a man..i know that i am gay..nothing will change that is me…its all me..

  55. Sam says

    I’m kind of scared.
    I know, “there’s nothing to be scared of” but I’m scared, really scared.
    I know I like girls, but I thought maybe I’m bi.
    I can feel myself wanting to just accept the fact that I’m probably lesbian.
    I can check out guys, appreciate their attractiveness but I wouldn’t want to have sex with them. The thought/or even action of kissing guys doesn’t really freak me out, but I would LOVE if I could do it with a girl. It’s just better with a girl. I get aroused when I kiss and when I’m with a girl (this is kinda embarrassing) … I don’t feel that way with guys. I have noticed recently that whenever I’m in a relationship with a guy, we always break up (for me at least) because of loss of attraction towards him. And then I question whether I even liked him in the first place. I dated only one girl (I’m 15, I know – still young) for about a year, we were younger – ages 12 to 13 I think – it wasn’t serious sexually (we only “tap kissed”) but I was in love with her, she was my first anything, really. There were literal “sparks” when we kissed, I haven’t felt that way since. It was incredible.

    I’m just scared of turning out to be a lesbian because I don’t want my family to hate me. I mean, I don’t have it TOO bad, I don’t live in the USA “bible belt,” I’m from NYC. But, they are both very religious Catholics. I went to private Catholic school for many years, before going to a public arts school. I love my parents and I couldn’t stand them hating me because of my sexuality – something I can’t control. (I’m crying while typing this..) I’m really close to both my Mom and Dad in different ways,

    I think I’m lesbian, I like girls in both sexual and with feelings? <— does that even make sense? With feelings?

    Anyway, I just don't know what to do. I feel like telling someone, anyone! I just want to know completely that I'm gay. Maybe I already do. It's like I'm having this hard internal war with myself and it's frustrating and it's just too much. It's like:
    (The following is an a example of a back and forth war with myself)
    I'm happy when I'm with a girl.
    But hey, guys are .. cute?
    Mom and Dad will disown me.. what if they don't understand?
    Well .. I was very tomboy-ish when I was younger, but now I'm a total femme. (Yes, I did my research on the different names ;p ) I'm a total freaking lipstick lesbian.
    Oh god. I'm a lesbian.
    Nonono – I can be bi, right? Right?

    And then it's back to step one. I'm just so confused and I WANT to identify myself, to have somewhere where I can belong. But I don't know what I am, WHO I am.

    As I said in the beginning, I'm scared.

    • Sarah S says

      I know how you feel, unfortunately i live in Texas…. My parents are religious as well and like you, I am scared. So far, people have been telling me to just wait and let myself figure it out before coming to others. Sorry that I couldn’t tell anything else.

  56. Sarah S says

    Ok, so let me tell you a little about my background. Im 16 and i am begining to question if i am straight or lesbian. When i was in elementary me and my best friend were caught naked together. We didnt do anything to be honest but every since then i have been dating boys. (My mom was the one who caught us.) my family is definately against gays and lesbians but my brother and sister aren’t. Recently, as a dare, i kissed my sisters best friend. We did kiss but i just dont like her. Her friend though wanted to kiss me but i was over whelmed at the same time curious so we didnt kiss. (But i kinda wanted to. Like i wanted to explore) i can see myself with a girl and a guy but when i get horny, i think of girls. I notice both girls and boys and i get jealous of the perfect relationships of my lesbian friends. I do say i love you to my friends that are girls but i dont think of them that way. I havent really found any girl to be honest that i could see myself with. I really just want to know if i am lesbian or straight. I am scared to even think of becoming lesbian but i still want to know.

  57. Claire says

    I’m 20 and I think at the moment i’m in step 2, acknowledgement… atm i’m living in a house with a male partner, been in this relationship for around 4 years now… It has taken me this long to know i’m not straight. I’ve always suspected it since I hit puberty and avoided looking at any of the girls in the dressing rooms due to knowing I liked what I saw. I’m only turned on by girls, I believe i’m now in a situation with my boyfriend where i’m thinking.. this will not work out I’m just not that way inclined. I don’t quite know how to get out of the situation I’m in as we jumped into a house together paying monthly on a car etc getting a dog… All the trouble I’ve caused is terrible. I’m very scared about what to do now I’ve messed everything up by jumping into a situation to try to make myself ‘normal’ and hide my own thoughts. I’m miserable.

    • Anonymous says

      I am also 20 in the acknowledgement phase. Living with my boyfriend of 3 years with 2 cats. Two nights ago we had a big fight over something completely stupid and irrelevant. After an hour or two of trying to figure

    • Anonymous says

      Trying to figure out what the issue was, he asked me if I was gay at all. I had spent the last month trying to figure out how to bring it up. I have only recently been able to admit it to myself. My concern now is that I do enjoy the life we have together, and I care for him very deeply, however I am not sexually attracted to him in the least. We agreed that so long as I don’t act on it, everything will be fine. But how do I not act on it? I have been suppressing my desires and ignoring my dreams for so long that now that I have finally been able to admit it and be somewhat open about it, all I want to do is act on it! So I feel you, Claire. I just hope we can minimize the messes in any way possible.

      • Amanda says

        I’ve also been in this type of domestic situation before, and did not want to make a huge mess or let go of the positive relationship I had with my boyfriends (this has happened twice for me). But I have to say, please do not feel guilty about the “messes” you feel you’ve made. People make these types of messes in hetero relationships too — often after having children to consider too! So try not to feel badly about it…it’s just simply the nature of breaking up with someone. And it is also the reason we should all think on things before moving in with our partner, gay or straight. So, if you feel you need to leave him to explore yourself, then you should…regardless of agreeing that “everything will be fine” as long as you don’t act on it. You may want to ask yourself whether your relationship with this guy is worth not acting on or exploring your feelings about yourself. Also, leaving him does not mean you no longer care about him, just that you care more about finding peace with yourself. It does not make you a bad person! I know this is all very hard, from my own experiences, but do try to let go of your guilt and just move on. The details of the “messes” will eventually seem like nothing much at all.

        • loulouise says

          I’m in a similar position, I’m not living with my boyfriend but we have been together almost four years. He knows i was with women before we got together, and we actually ended up going out after i got with a girl on a night out while we started going on dates. H e got so upset over it, and the other woman got such harassment from people in her college i kind of felt guilted into being in a straight relationship (catholic guilt clearly subconsciously playing a role there). I love him as a person and he is so sweet and thoughtful that i hate the thought of hurting him. Ive tried breaking up with him before (not mentioning that i want to be with women because itd hurt him unnecessarily) but he always talks me out of it. Im going to do it this week when i see him because the longer we’re together the deeper i’ll get and i’m just not attracted to him like i am to women. I’m also afraid i’ll end up cheating on him some night out as i find women so attractive and i’ve been tempted before.

  58. rose says

    I think I am somewhere at stage 4 to 5. It took me quite some time, but my first relationship was with a girl and that was before I could even “really” accept it myself. She pushed me maybe a little too hard into things. After we broke up, I started dating boys (or more like they started and it helped me with my low self confidence – also, I liked them a lot, so I thought what could possibly go wrong, you always wanted a man) – it just didn’t work, I was not really attracted to them, physically. It was way less intense than my first lesbian relationship. I still told myself, I was bi-sexual because I couldn’t bare the thought of -having to- live a homosexual life, not being able to have genetically related children with my partner one day, always struggling with coming-outs…
    After the second heterosexual relationship (which lasted pretty long, nearly a year!) I was pretty sure I was, if not lesbian, then definitely bi (before I was considering it might be just a phase) – wow, I had rough times realizing who I really am and what I really want.
    And I seem to be a lesbian. It just feels so good, so right to finally be able to say that without thinking “but what if I just did not meet the right guy yet?!” – that’s bullshit.
    I look after women, I fall for them, they attract me with their bodies AND their souls. In a relationship with a man it just does not feel right, it feels like… well, in the best case he is a friend, in the worst he is more of a toy :/
    So, yeah. I recently fell in love with a great girl and I hope it will work out this time. AAAND even if not – I am just happy with allowing myself to feel what I feel. You can’t tell your heart who to love :)

  59. Kay says

    I’ve been attracted to girls since elementary. When I realized it, I cried. Girls at school would tease me about being gay and that really put me inside a bubble- were they just mean or did they know?- how I’d they know??
    Time went on- in middle school all of my friends dated boys, I lined boys but Didn’t date or never even kissed a guy until high school. The reason I rushed into a relationship was because one of my aunts spread a rumor aroun my family that I was a lesbian. Everyone would question me. Having a boyfriend pritected me from my family. Well, he became my first love- we spent all of our teen years together, has a child when we were 20 and then he stepped all over my heart. Here I am now, 25, a single mother.
    I finally acknowledge that I love women- I told my grandmother a few years ago and she replied “I’ve known this for years already but thank you for sharing” I laughed. I wouldn’t trade my daughter for the world but I really would have saved myself a lot of heartache if I just would have come out sooner lol.
    I don’t know how to talk to women- dont know what to do or where to start. Is this limbo?

  60. Jessi says

    I don’t know if anyone will actually see this but it seems like the right place to say how I feel. I am 20 years old and I have never been with a guy. I have only been with a girl and that was just recently. It was actually my best friend of four years. And one day it just happened. It continued for awhile and I grew very strong feelings toward her. But she didn’t feel the same way. So we stopped messing around and we are still best friends. But I always feel the urge to have that again. I always check out girls at work and I barely even look at guys. I feel 10x more comfortable talking to a girl than a guy. I do think I am gay but I have a little trouble actually beliving it. I say maybe it’s just because I have never had any experience with a guy and only with a girl. I just really wanted to talk about this with someone because I dont feel comfortable talking to the people I know about this.

    • AIPChristina says

      Yep, sounds like you are probably a lesbian. If you are only having sexual feelings towards other women then that would have to be the case. If I were you, I wouldn’t pursue trying to date men unless you are attracted to them because you will just further cloud the issue at hand.

  61. kira says

    im 21 and I have known for last several years that I like girls and don’t even pay any attention to guys around me! it took me a while to realise that ever since I was a little girl I have found girls to be more to my liking, because they are more beautiful creatures and they have grace and beauty along with caring nature that no man can ever replicate!
    Yet I live in a family of Jehovah’s witnesses and I know that if I tell my mum about it, it would destroy her and our relationship and im too much of a coward to tell her.
    I’ve told my 2 best friends when I could no longer keep it to my self, but they are both straight, married and also Witnesses, so obviously they discourage me from pursuing any of my so called “dispositions”
    I wish I could meet someone who maybe feels like me lost and at times hopeless,
    I know who I am but it doesn’t make it easier to deal with it on my own

      • Anonymous says

        Hi im 11 and in sixth grade and ive always had feelings for girls, ive come to terms with it. Hoq on earth do i walk up to my mom or dad and say hey im a lesbian? What about my grandparents and my 14 year old sister scared me and i cant tell her i dont get how im spose to do this! If i tell one person i feel like tthat adult would tell everyone

        Do u have a email?

        • rose says

          I know those feelings :)
          the first coming-out is always the hardest. it is easier if you tell them you were bi-sexual first (also, if you are not sure yet if you really are lesbian) – you are only 11 years old, so you have plenty of time to discover your sexuality and grow with the thought of being a lesbian. maybe you could talk about your feelings with a friend before telling your family about it?
          it might help you even more than when you tell your parents and they tell you “it’s clearly just a phase you’re going through.” (which is sadly a common answer, as they hope you are hetero and are just temporarily confused)…

        • evi allon says

          the 5 steps to become a lesbian are quite right.

          i was 13 when i had my first lesbian encounter with a classmate during the summer camp.


          evi allon, switzerland

    • jessica says

      hey well i kinda feel the same way my family is christian and my dad sometimes makes comments about gay people and well im still not sure if im lesbian or straight i have been struggleling with this for a while, i would like to take to you more about it, do you have facebook?

      • kira says

        not sure if you were responding to my comment, but I know how you feel, my mother makes comments about gay people all the time and they almost make me cry, but she doesn’t know that part of me!:\

      • kira says

        have you thought about telling anyone about it, or are you not sure of who you are yourself yet???
        For me to come out to my best friend was really difficult because I knew that it could either ruin our friendship and she would never speak to me again, or she would be fine with it and not make a big deal out of it, and she reacted the way i hoped she would, obviously to begin with she was shocked, because im femme lesbian, so i don’t look like stereotypical lesbian, and i don’t go around checking every woman out.
        She had some questions, and after i told her everything she wanted to know, she told me that i am still the same person that she became best friends with, and that i am still the person she wants to be her best friend and that she doesn’t love me any less, and she appreciated how hard it was for me to tell her, and she said it felt very special to be trusted with something so important and life changing as this especially considering that my whole family are Jehovah’s Witnesses and being gay is the biggest taboo

      • K says

        Likewise. My family is and I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness. I don’t attend the meetings anymore (not to rebel I just hit a rough patch). I am nearly 22 and realised a long time ago that I was a lesbian but I’ll never be able to tell anyone as my brother and sister would never speak to me again as they are witnesses still. My dad isn’t religious and he wouldn’t care either way, but I would lose so much if I tell anyone. I’m so lost. So confused, and have resigned myself to a life of pretending to be straight in order to please those around me.

        • Anonymous says

          Be who you are, that may seem hard, but it isn’t about how it affects them, it’s about how it affects you, and what you want. You’re awesome.

    • Sam says

      Try traveling! Going different places. Somewhere liberal? Like California, New York. The citites are the best. Go to gay clubs/bars? You don’t have to drink, just meet people – have friends that will support you.

      Also, try finding some support groups, there must be some LGBT support group in your area. Goodluck! (:

  62. melaina says

    I am 15 and I am gay I had a girlfriend but had to end the relationship because she turned 18 my mom knows she not happy with me but its who I am. I just want a girlfriend who is willing for a long term relationship I have had 4 girlfriends and every single one of them hurt me . except the last one which I really care for I want her back but its illegal .

  63. Holly says

    I’m 15, currently in the acknowledgement stage, stage 2, I’m trying to get to stage 3 constantly but I find it a bit difficult since I haven’t been able to come out to anyone but my best friend. I have some bisexual feelings but every day that goes by my attraction for ladies goes up and the attraction for guys goes down. I don’t know when I’m going to get the courage to come out to anyone else…Especially my parents. Once I am in college in 2015 I think it will be easier to come out, maybe. The article is right, it’s very frightening while in stage 1. I’m not afraid of coming out, I’m afraid of my peers and family’s reactions to me coming out.

    • Anonymous says

      coming out to your peers should not be a problem, because our days being a lesbian is not that big of a deal anymore, and you most like will get a lot of questions from people in regards to how being a lesbian works lol,
      Family on the other hand is a different subject, I know there are a lot of gay/ lesbian people who say that “if you don’t come out to your parents, you cant be really who you want to be”, but in my opinion you know your parents and your family better than anyone else and only you can judge whether it is the right time for them to know of your sexuality.
      And do it when you feel comfortable with the idea of telling them if at all, do not let anyone to pressure you into doing it, because it will probably come as a shock to them and they will need time to come to terms with it all , so you have to be prepared to give them time and space to figure it out, because you had time to come to terms with being a lesbian or bisexual, they however didn’t have that luxury.
      Although hope that they will be as supportive and loving as any parent should be.:)

    • Kylie says

      “I have some bisexual feelings but every day that goes by my attraction for ladies goes up and the attraction for guys goes down.” That’s exactly the same for me! I like this guy but whenever I imagine myself doing anything with him or sometimes even when I imagine kissing him, although sometimes I like it, sometimes I just wonder, ‘why do I even want that?’ And then I realise I DON’T. And then there’s this girl, who I imagined one day, who isn’t exactly real but is like my imaginary girlfriend, and when I imagine kissing her it’s like the most dreamy thing and I want to never stop kissing her.

  64. Lills says

    Hi, I’m really confused myself! I’m 40 years old and think I might actually be a lesbian. I’ve been intimate with men my whole life, all while fantasizing about women. When I look at porn, it’s always lesbian porn. It’s hard for me to orgasm with a man, I usually ending up having an orgasm by thinking about a woman. Just the thought of being with a woman sexually turns me on so much! But I can’t say that I really want a relationship with a woman, and I have no idea how to even go about finding single lesbians or bisexual women to date. I’ve never had sex with a woman, but virtually all of my sexual fantasies are about women. I masturbate only to lesbian porn and I masturbate while thinking about women. Thinking about men doesn’t even get me wet. But one thought of a woman and I’m very wet! This isn’t new to me, but over the years, I realized that hey, maybe I am lesbian. I realize I probably am bisexual, but I feel helpless to act on it. I feel as if I could at least have one sexual experience with a woman I’d know. Even one kiss I would probably know. Any ideas?

    • Anonymous says

      I completely understand everything you said! I feel the exact same way except I’m 22 years old and I’ve never been with a female although I think about it constantly.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m in this exact same situation! Only difference is I have been with a woman and it is just as amazing as I dreamed it would be!! I just have to get over the hurdle of not fitting the society mold of who I’m “supposed” to be :) much luck to you on your road to happiness and freedom

    • kira says

      I do sympathize with you it is difficult no matter what age you are. I am 21 and I was brought up in a Christian community with a very strong believe that being a lesbian is a worst sin there is and yet I can not help to feel the way I do and no matter how hard I try I know I have to be true to myself. Don’t forget that you are who you are and your happiness is as important as anyone else’s , we live only once and you wont know what you missing out on unless you try!!!:)
      Hope you can find the happiness that is being who you are.

    • jennabeth says

      Just go on line and date some women, going slow. Really it’s not that hard. Until you spend time in a dating situation, and until you to bed with a girl, you don’t really know what you truly want. Fantasies can just be…turn-ons without greater meaning. SO many girls are bicurious and get hot thinking about other women but discover they can’t really let go…the het life is too strong an emotional (if not sexual) pull. A lez is NOT necessarily a girl who is turned off by men btw (Some lezzes are of course.) A lez is a woman who NEEDS a romantic emotional connection with a woman (or lots of women) and doesn’t need or want one with a man. A lez can play with a het male – I have – and it means NOTHING. Being with a girl means EVERYTHING. But only experience tells you who are what you truly are. Go for it girl! But understand 3/4s of bi girls will never fully commit to you, so don’t expect too much too fast.

  65. Elise says

    I believe I’m in my early stages of realizing and accepting who I am, but I still feel confused. I’ve always dated boys and at some point throughout the relationship I start doubting and questioning my reasoning for being with the person or I lose all attraction and just start getting annoyed instead. I can’t say I’ve had a single successful straight relationship. I’ve kissed two girls and it was in my teens as a joke but I can’t say the feeling ever felt wrong. Looking back, I’ve always been attracted to girls but I almost dismissed it subconsciously and I don’t really know why. Recently I’ve gotten to talking to a wonderful girl, who happens to be a lesbian. We started as friends and merged into a more flirty yet friendly attitude and I can honestly say it just feels right. In past relationships I always felt a sense of being uncomfortable or having something missing from the over all picture and it seems that, in my opinion, a lot of men lack the genuine caring and gentle side that women just naturally have. The girl I’m talking to now is what I’ve always been looking for and as much as I really like her, there’s still a part of me that just feels a little confused. Is it because I’m so new to the idea?

    • rose says

      I think it is because you are now only at stage 2 and have a long way to go, so it is natural that you feel confused. You could talk to that girl about your feelings maybe? Not exactly towards her, even though you could give her hints. If she is a lesbian she probably went through all that herself and can help you :)

  66. Wonderful Ata says

    Very interesting posts here.
    I don’t know if i fall into any category yet because I am not sure where I do fall into :)
    I admire men often and admire women with almost the same intensity. When I look at men who attract me, I am observing their face, arms, legs, butt etc…funny I observe about the same with women of course you have to add their Boobs :)

    But seriously, I have gone out with men and really enjoy it sometimes… however, I have never gone out with women and wonder quite often about how it feels. I read a lot and enjoy lesbian romance books than heterosexual books…in fact I am totally entranced by lesbian books now.

    So i ask…Am I a lesbian or just crazily curious?

    • Emily says

      It very well could be that you are a lesbian, but from your description it seems as though you may be more bisexual. Dispute my assuption and your perceived sexual orientation, only you are able to determine where you lie on the spectrum. An article such as this or the comments of others are unable to define you. Indeed, it would be grand if we were able to be automatically certain ignite sexuality upon birth. But sadly, this is not the case. Should you be lesbian, bisexual or omnisexual, know that it is up to you how you choose to love your life. Don’t feel rushed to make a decision (as for many, it takes years.) it’s best to be certian than to take the easy way out. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!

      • Wonderful Ata says

        Emily & every other persons reading,
        Emily I appreciate your insightful response, I was greatly confused on what omnisexual is until I googled it up :). Personally, I find the whole sexual orientation labeling exhausting and segregating. Well, i suppose language has to find a way of describing something & that’s why we need so many words to describe love/likeness/fondness etc.

        I will take your advice on the journey…since I am yet to physically involve myself with a woman…I believe I am yet to understand what I am missing (because after all…what you don’t know you can’t miss right?). In all for me, I feel if & when I do find what is called true love…it won’t matter if it is a man/woman…that feeling will conjure all I need to support, be true & exalt such bond.

  67. Dede says

    Thanks MollyBee that has really helped. Good on you for following your heart, im sure you will have lots of exciting times ahead. I hope I can be as brave as you one day :) x

  68. Martine says

    Thank you so much for this article. It really cleared up my chaotic mind. I almost only have straight friends, and they does not understand how it actually feels experiencing a change like this. Im still jumping back and fourth from stage 2-3, and even sometimes I wake up feeling at stage 1. I got my first feelings for a girl at age 11, and today Im 24 years old. Even though it does not feel awesome, it feels so much better now compared to when I dated guys.
    Take care!
    – Norwegian girl

    • rose says

      Hey, norwegian girl :)
      I just wanted to let you know I also went through that. There was a time when I thought I now accepted my sexuality – but in my head there was still this picture of me being heterosexual and living a “normal” life. I also jumped between the stages, always thinking there’s something wrong with me; but it isn’t. Everything is okay with me.
      I have mainly straight friends but it helps a lot to chat with lesbian girls (online, in forums, etc) to get to the next stage of acceptance.
      Also, of course it helps if you just allow yourself to fall in love with a woman and get a relationship. Still better if you clear things up on your own because if you are not really happy with yourself it makes a relationship, well, hard.

      I wish you, you’ll be able to end that jumping soon and be happy just with who you are :)

  69. Dede says

    Hi, Im at a total loss. Im 41 years old, never been married and dont have any kids. I have always dated men, (never enjoyed the sex sadly) but over the last 2 years ive have become far more interested in women. I have always admired attractive women, but never thought of it as being attracted to them. I now find men repellant….i have suffered a lot of abuse at their hands and am not sure if its because of that or because i am infact attracted to women. So confused and have no one to talk to…is there anyone else in a similar situation to me?

    • mollyBee says

      I understand. If you are attracted to women – you are attracted to women. Not because men have mistreated you. I wondered that too. I was in a long term relationship with a man, never enjoyed sex, always felt like something was missing. I was a real tomboy growing up and my family worked very hard to feminize me. It worked, sort of. I dated men, married, had a child, but when I started counseling to try to “save” my marriage, I began to see another side of myself. Counseling should come with a warning label. Deep self examination can bring about revelations you don’t expect. I found a really good therapist. She asked a lot of hard questions and we looked at my life in ways I had not thought of before. I came to the realization that I am gay. 58 years old and facing divorce, and who knows what else. Coming out to my husband was the hardest thing, but I felt as if the weight of the world was taken off my shoulders. I know that the weeks and months ahead will be challenging, but I am hopeful that the rest of my life will be better than the previous years. Find a therapist that is experienced with gender issues. Be honest with yourself and your therapist. Don’t be afraid.

  70. Elsa says

    I loved this article, it’s so accurate :)
    Ladies, I have a question, and a story. When I was a teenager I started to go through these phases. I had always liked boys, but once my female friends started to become seriously interested in boys I went the other way and became interested in girls. I was in denial for ages, I couldn’t even write down the words in my journal until 2 years after I realized I was checking out women and crushing on them. When I finally admitted it to myself I felt kind of numb and went into a phase of not really being attracted to everyone, but even during that time I still preferred women over men. Even after I had accepted I was probably gay, I told myself I was “unsure”, not knowing how I felt about men. I was always looking at men trying to find them attractive, trying to force myself straight. Anyway, this lesbian thing went on 5 years, it stopped last year when I came to college and into a mixed-sex environment and now I like men. Sometimes I think I’m bisexual, but I feel like I’m clutching at my past by doing that and I might as well call myself straight.
    The thing is, I’m not sure how I feel about phases. What I felt was so real, I really loved girls and women, my first sexual fantasy was about a girl and I wanted a girlfriend. I’ve never wanted a boyfriend as much as I wanted a girlfriend back then. I “knew” deep down I was gay. I’ve read about other lesbian phases, but they’re experimental, as in the girls made the choice to be with girls. Either that or it was teenage hormones that only lasted a few weeks at most. I liked girls for nearly 5 years and couldn’t like men even if I tried.
    My feelings for men are different from when I had feelings for women, neither are better or worse, but they are different. I’ve never felt strong heartbreaking feelings for a girl and I have for a guy. But I never want to date men and my emotional feelings and sexual feelings never come at the same time for men.
    Has anyone ever gone through this?

    • Anonymous says


      I just came across your comment while trying to understand my own feelings, and I wanted to say that I identify with what you said completely. I was also 100% attracted to girls as a teenager and younger woman, and I have to admit am still really aroused by women; but since then I have had one or two very deep relationships with men. I absolutely know what you mean when you say that neither attraction is deeper or ”better”…I just feel differently for women than for men. Maybe this ability to be attracted to both sorts of people equally is a hormonal thing, or maybe it’s just that some of us are born that way. Just wanted to let you know that I identify with your comment and was very glad to read it!

  71. Anon says

    Hey Ladies!

    Please don’t judge. I am not judging you – I promise.

    I am just REALLY REALLY confused. I am a conservative christian. I am having a hard time understanding my feelings :(. I don’t even know how to describe it. I am struggling with my sexuality and I have no idea who I am attracted to. I love the IDEA or dating a guy and getting married and starting a family. But I have never been attracted to guys. Any thoughts I have have almost always been about girls. I am so confused :(. These thoughts and feelings make me feel really uncomfortable because they clash with my religion. I would never give up my religion (as I actually chose it – I wasn’t raised christian). If any of you have ever been through this: how do you reconcile the two? And hypothetically if I was to reconcile the two (which I may never do – I may still be straight) are there girls out there that like girls and are Christians? In any type of relationship a shared faith is a deal breaker for me. So do lesbian Christians even exist? Also how do I even know if I am a lesbian? Some days I think I am 100% straight and other days I believe I am 100% not. Help?

    Also please don’t hate me. I feel like I will get judgement from other Christians for possibly not being straight and I will get judgement from you ladies for being conservative. Please, please don’t judge. :(
    Thank you for your help.

    • Joelene says

      I am Christian and I don’t judge you. I am also on the other team. I feel it is entirely possible to be both. Liars are Christians aren’t they? So are cheaters and other sinners. Don’t let the sin that the majority of religious people “picked” as the one to judge effect you this much.. think about it this way.. Do religious people make signs and go and judge liars and adulterers, tell them they’re going to hell? No.. Why? Well I think it is because playing for the other team isn’t something they do, so they feel so comfortable judging others for it. Why don’t they judge liars the same way? Well, because they lie too.. Makes sense doesn’t it? One thing Jesus emphasized was not to judge others, to love each other as He loved us. SO.. I feel that God is love, God made me and knows my heart, I am going to love who I love and still love God too because Love in my books is key. I believe hate will face the stronger judgement… don’t you? It is a scary time when you feel confused and scared, just know that you are not alone. I am only at stage 4 now at the ripe age of 30.. Life is too short to lie to yourself for the comfort of others. We don’t dissect others’ lives and their choices so I feel they shouldn’t to that to ours. I live my life by these two quotes: “What you allow is what will continue” and “What is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly”. Life is too uncertain to be anyone but who you truly are. You don’t have to label yourself, just love who you love, sexuality is fluid ;)

      • Anonymous says

        I know many Christian lesbians. They exist and are ballsy! …ahem… I mean… Audacious… Most of the Christian lesbians that I know are not only out and proud but are pastors, sex ed teachers, and advocates for the queer community in some way. You will face judgement. But you will have the best thing: authenticity.

        Honestly, I think it’s harder to find a conservative lesbian than a Christian one. Maybe it’s just the people I run with but the queer community tends to be pretty progressive in my experience, at least.

      • Anon says

        Hi Joelene,

        Thank you for answering my questions. I really like your answer! Love is key! :) I can love God and love people and my sexuality has nothing to do with that. Your answer made me feel so much better about everything. :) God loves me and that is that. I will try not to let the judgement of others influence me that much. Thank you. Your answer was amazing!

        To the anonymous poster below Joelene’s post. Thanks for your answer. It sounds awesome to be real with people about this. (I know I shouldn’t be but) I am actually surprised to hear that there are other Christian Lesbian’s out there. The conservative discourse (and I am not saying it is right) is that: all LGBT people are “anti-Christian God haters.” I am so glad that that is just a stereotype! I still don’t know very much about the community but what I have learned so far has been good. :) I am not ready to date yet (I still need time to work things out and accept myself) but when I am it is nice to know that a shared faith is possible. :) (Political views are not a deal breaker and now that I really think about it I am actually pretty liberal.) Thanks!

        • iheartgirlswhoheartgirls says

          Hey Anon! Personally I’m an athiest, but I know lots of Christian lesbians! You will face judgement, but never lose faith in yourself. I wouldn’t judge other lesbians for being conservative as long as they were good people. You sound like a very nice person. Just be yourself and stand up for your beliefs!

    • Anonymous says

      Christianity does say that being gay is wrong, but it also says that you should accept your self and others for who they are. So its really up to you whick part you listen to :)

    • wen's girl says

      This was my problem too until one night I was online and accidentally stumbled across rainbowchristian .com!actually lust is wrong not being gay god didn’t say gay was wrong judgemental christians did


    • Kylie says

      I thought I was the only person like this!!! I have to say I am so so happy and relieved that I’m not, although it sucks that you have to feel this way too.
      I was raised Christian, but I have also developed my own ‘relationship’ and so it’s not like people can really say “you’re only a Christian because you were brought up as one.” I can remember at the ages of 4 and 5 years old being attracted to girls. I recently made a list of all the females I had ever felt a little more than slightly attracted to and got like 40, and I’m 16 years old. The number of guys is probably fewer than 10. I would like to believe that I am bisexual, although I still don’t feel comfortable at all with the idea of ‘coming out’ to anyone other than internet friends on the other side of the world – and even then I feel a little embarrassed about it.
      Just over a year ago, when I was 14, I began to question my sexuality. I kept denying it; I was in denial for ages. Even up until about 2 months ago I kept having days where I said to myself, “I don’t like women. I like men. See? That guy’s hot. He would do.” And then I’d see an attractive woman on TV and feel this horrible feeling inside me as I realised I was much more easily attracted to women than to men, and it was more real. Probably this month – this week, in fact – I finally accepted that I AM at least PARTLY gay: there’s no denying that any more. But ever since I started to question it, I have had trouble because my family, all Christian, are pretty against it, because it says homosexuality is bad in the Bible, and I understand them. It’s the last thing in the world I want to do to disappoint them like that, and also to go against my own beliefs. But it’s also something I really want. I can’t help but to want it and to read about all these other lesbians in the world who feel they are able to have a relationship with a woman – I just wish there were some way I could. I have managed to convince myself it is okay to KISS a girl, and I don’t see why making out with her would be so bad, as long as we didn’t have sex. Right? Like, I have a lesbian friend – an internet friend – and when I told her and said I wished I could kiss a girl, she said she would kiss me so I would know what it is like. So I feel like we could, as friends, have sort of an intimate relationship. She’s Christian too, or was raised Christian, yet she is full lesbian and is going ahead with relationships – and I’m proud of her for that: for being who she knows she is even though her parents and the people she cares about disapprove; she’s able to love herself for it anyway.
      So I’m confused. I want to be attracted to men, but I keep…. I don’t know: realising there isn’t much there for me in a relationship with a guy. I mean, there is, I know: like, that feeling of protection, which is something I want. And I have 3 brothers who I love very dearly, and get along well with – but there’s something else that I need and I can’t get that from a guy.
      I’m so stuck.

  72. mon says

    i’m still in acceptance i suppose, maybe i cud be attracted to a very small select of men but women are soo much more interesting – and sexy and mysterious – i love being in a world where there are no drawn lines and exploring possibilities and your unique self is so much fun. yup i definitely like girls!!!!

  73. Confused23 says

    I came across this blog post because I noticed whenever I’m excited and want to look at porn on the internet, I always end up on lesbian porn. I always hear my inner voice saying I wonder what it would be like to hook up with a girl. However, I am attracted to guys. I’m on my second serious relationship. Both have been with guys. I’ve been with my bf over 2 years and I’ve lived with him over a year. I also enjoy sex with guys. I’ve made out with girls and enjoy it. The last time I kissed a girl, it was because she was crying and she looked so sad. It was a really sweet tender moment. She’s my very good friend. Afterwards, I thought maybe I hada crush on her but then I realized I just found her very cool. She’s older and very neat. Am I bi? I’ve never been in a position where I could do more than kiss a girl so I don’t know if I could or if I would want to. I do find girls very pretty and I appreciate the female body. I also like the male body. I don’t know if I’m bi. Whenever I hear about bi people, I don’t know what to think of them. Now I’m wondering if I’m one of them.

    • also-confused-also23 says

      haha.. so I am in basically the exact same place as you are. Makes me feel better reading your post, although I’m still just as confused as I was before. How are you supposed to know?

      • Confused23 says

        I think that’s why people laugh over the thought of orientation. Can’t you be in love with someone’s soul? I feel like I fall for people internally first, but there has to be a reason why when I’m riled up, I end up on sites for girl on girl. I watch hetro porn but not nearly as often. Glad you feel the same Also. I guess it’s common to be 23 and confused. I’m in Los Angeles. I feel that’s the epicenter for confused people. But at least it’s a place of acceptance b

  74. Ryann (Again) says

    I’ve fully accepted I’m a Lesbian and that I like girls. There is still some shame from keeping my secret for so very long but I finally came out to my mom today. She thinks that I’m confused or just looking for something different. She want’s me to give it time and not go rushing around telling people. The thing is, is I get so nervous around her whenever we are on the subject of me being lesbian all I can answer is I don’t know. Plus, i’ve given it 4 years and these past few weeks to figure it out if its a phase or not. I know it’s not but my mom doesn’t. So how do I convince her that it’s not a phase and that it’s the real thing?

  75. Carol says

    Well, I think I liked girls as I seldom/never liked a guy (as far as I could recall). I tend to attracted to mature/older ladies. Someone who looks elegant and smart, looks isolated but always wear a smile is deadly to me. Now that I know I am a lesbian, I need to find a life partner. Finding a female partner is not easy for me as I can’t tell everyone that I am a lesbian (cuz that will freak all of my friends out! I don’t wanna be a freak to them. Besides, they are never of my interest). So I was wondering if there is any ways (website, blog, apps, community etc) that allows me to find someone who are like me? I can’t fall in love with guys, I have tried. There are a few guys used to go after me, but I just find them not interesting. I need help here. I am reaching 30 soon. I am kinda of trapped here.

    • Anonymous says

      Hi Carol!

      I was really pleased to read your comment! I am also nearly 30 and have only just decided to come out. I’m deciding to see this as an exciting journey into a new mode of living. There are tons of dating websites out there with facilities for lesbian partner-finding…I use ”Parship” (it’s a German site, but maybe there’s an English version in English-speaking countries?). In my experience, the dating sites that charge a fee are better than free ones ‘cos they are more secure and only encourage serious people. Wishing you luck!

  76. Ryann says

    I think I’m coming out of step 2 and on my way to step 3. I’m pretty positive I want to be with a woman for the rest of my life or well at least date girls but I don’t really know how to go about it. I’m in 8th grade and only 13 and I felt kind of weird when I noticed how much more I like girls. I’ve done some things with some of my girl friends but we always called it a “game” and it wasn’t ever serious. I’ve only dated guys so far but every single “relationship” ended in disaster and never worked out. This is the first year where I actually took my sexuality seriously and I don’t know what to do. I’m actually currently in a relationship with a guy which makes me think I should be in Step 1. But i nearly cry every night because I feel like I’m betraying myself. It all feels wrong and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to come out to anyone but myself and possibly one other person because no one would take me seriously and they’d think it was just a phase. I’m not sure how I would tell my parents and I remember in elementary I used to think that people coming out to their parents were stupid because they acted so afraid. I understand that fear now and I’m scared half to death that I’ll only get made fun of for being true to myself. I feel like people will just think I want attention but truthfully I just want some help and someone to talk to. Any advice on anything?

    • i know how you feel says: says

      I haven’t told my parents either and I’m in sixth grade and I’m sure I’m not going through a phase either do you have tried bffs at your school like people you can trust your life with they will except that, trust me in fifth grade I was stuck trying to find the perfect her and I told my buff Whitney that I was and she told me to meet her In the bathroom after school, I walked in she grabbed me buy my waste and we made out for about an hour so listen Ryann your bff might be her I have more advice for you but if you have an oovoo or don’t download it type in on search for friends mentioning your see a girl smiling with a white shirt with black little designs in it you can talk to me when ever you like I’m only 12

    • lezgrl says

      It will get better, honey. I’m only 12 but i know i’m lesbian. I advise u to break up with you r boyfriend and talk to someone u trust. Good luck! WE LOVE YOU!

  77. timewilltell says

    Hi, im 16 years old.
    Last weekend I went to a hotel, for a school activity, in my rooms were 4 girls. There was this one girl that i just wouldnt take my eyes off. Like even after the trip all ive been thinking about was her . She’s Bi but shes mostly into girls. And for awhile ive been struggling with my sexual orentation. Ive looked at girls before with lust . Like i admit it. Well okay to just catch up, that day in the room we were all curious. 5 girls in a room alone. And we had two Bi girls. (Not Me) another girl. Well my friend started it. She kissed all of us. And then i guess thats what triggered something and next thing was that the girl im interested in pounces onto me and kisses me… iloveit. Well.. i was the one who attacked next… the next day we were all normal.. except like me and her were flirting . Thats mostly it and we ended up making out again. I desired her. Like no lie. On the third day. Nothing happened we were just normal. I was overwhelmed by my thoughts. I was thinking about everything about how what will happen once we go back to school or like what actually happend between us. I was dealing with wether i wanted more or not. Now im still struggling with the thought of .. i wonder what shes thinking.. can i confront her to talk.. we never did talk about it.. everytime she passes by me i get excited and nervous.. i want to kiss her.. i get jelouse when this one guy comes too close to her. Im annoyed. I dont know what to do.. im scared nervous and like.. very confused.

  78. Anonymous says

    I’m 15 and I’ve never been in any kind of a relationship. I had a couple of crushes on guys but then they go away and I don’t care. I have had some feelings for girls but I just kinda shake it off. I like hanging out with guys and it’s been twice that the guys that hang out with me ask me if I’m lesbian I reply no to them but then I go on the rest of my day questioning myself…. Am I straight or not? Iwhen I was younger I even overheard my aunt tell my mom that she thinks I might be a lesbian….. I’m just not sure anymore

    • LezGirl55 says

      You might be bisexual. I would pay closer attention to your attractions. If you find yourself crushing on/having fantasies about girls, it’s possible you could be lez or bi. good luck! <3

    • tomboy says

      dont doubt urself just coz someone else labels u a certain way. if ur attracted to boys then pursue it and see where that leads u. unless u try for urself u cant be sure. explore for urself and then decide. i recommend starting with boys and gradually moving on to girls.

  79. Anonymous x says

    Um, well im in year 8 and I think I’m a lesbian.i have liked boys but I haven’t been out with anyone but I have crushes on girls and stuff, I have a really strong attraction to girls, I even think one of my close friends is soooo georgious. All my friends are girls but sometimes we end up having conversations about sexuality and I feel uncomfortable and end up secretly sticking up for myself,of coarse I haven’t said anything to my mum.i could talk to my best friend, but will she understand?……any reassuring words, advise? I know I’m young but I have these feelings I don’t understand. x

    • Anonymous says

      You may be bisexual. When I was your age I went through the exact same thing. I am now 19 and I still haven’t got the courage up to tell my family. I have come out to a few friends now, and every single one of them were accepting. My advice to you is to try to accept all your feelings now, don’t suppress them or hide from them, try to understand them and see if you really like girls, or if you just think they’re pretty. You’re still really young so take your time and don’t feel like you need to come out to anyone yet, even yourself. Just learn what you like and what you don’t like, and when you feel comfortable maybe find a friend that you think will be open minded and accepting and tell them. I found it helped to start with “I don’t want you to think of me any differently, because I’m the same person I was before telling you this, I don’t want anything to change, I just want to tell you.” this always helped the people I told see it not as a huge life changing moment but just friends talking about more personal things. Honestly hon, you’re still very young, so don’t stress out too much. Just let your feelings happen, and you will eventually feel comfortable with yourself and your sexuality in time. As for telling your best friend, you’re very young so it might be best to wait, but if you need someone to talk to go for it. You and only you can really predict how she will react, you know her best, so judge off of that. And stay confident in yourself, you’re the same girl all of these people became friends with in the first place. I’m sure you’ve got a lot going for you and try not to stress yourself out

    • Rose says


      Even though you posted a while ago, I still wanted to reply to your comment. I am 30 years old now, but I remember going through exactly the same thing when I was in 8th grade. And today I am still not sure of my orientation…I was into girls from age 14 to 18, straight until about age 28, and now I’m back to being gay again. Sexual orientation is a very changeable thing…don’t label yourself or feel you have to stick to any one orientation if you find your feelings changing.

  80. Kayla says

    I’m 12 and I think I’m bisexual, I was the shy girl who liked any boy who pay attention to me, my female acquaintance had a crush on me, I had to admit, I was uncomfortable with her so I avoided her but then I started liking females a little more then I thought. I knew what sex was at a very young age, I was a smart girl, I knew how guys did it and how girls do it too. I’m a perverted fangirl who loved anime when two same sex couples do it so I don’t mind being bisexual, I doubt I’ll get a girlfriend at a young age, I’ll have to wait a bit longer to see if I really do like a girls and tell my family (They’re very supportive, they’ll accept it), my uncle was gay and was with a man, my grandparents may have disapproved but all the rest of my family doesn’t mind. My friends may not really accept me but I am who I am. Let’s just hope I have a happy ending.

    • Rayne says

      Oh my god, I’m just the same!!!
      Only, I’m 15 now and I think I’m bi. I was shy and would fall in love with almost every boy that would talk to me. But I guess that’s just not real love… I was excited whit every boyfriend but I don’t know.. I think I like girls as well..
      Just, girls are so damn beautiful and even hot!
      (When I ever watch porn, it’s lesbian, that must say something, right?)
      my classmates call me a lesbian, dunno why, but it made me think, and I’m really questioning myself now?!
      I have a friend who thinks she’s lesbian and I already had a few crushes on females but I kinda ignored and suppressed them…
      I’m also a Yaoi/Yuri – anime fangirl (and a perverted one!) and I think lesbian couples are really cute! but, like i find a girl/girl cute, a boy/boy cute and a girl/boy cute!! Is it possible that I’m bi??

  81. Random lesbian says

    I’m 12 I’ve been crushing on people since I was 5 always on a girl and I know now that I’m a lesbian but how do I tell my parents? They are not religious but my dad does not accept it what do I do????

    • need help says

      I’m 12 and I’m a lesbian I’ve been a lesbian since 3rd grade me and my bff lizzy would make out in the girls bathroom after lunch but I moved away and now I’m in middle school and I have two best friends that are girls and there. Names are Jenny and Cassidy I really like Jenny but I don’t no how to tell her I can trust her with my life and all but I need help trying to ask her. And here’s the big problem my mom doesn’t know I’m a lesbian I don’t know how to tell her please someone help me

    • lezgrl says

      It will get better. I’m 12 too. Just talk with an adult u trust and eventually get to telling your dad. If he loves u, he will eventually learn to accept u. dont listen to the haters. be strong, and good luck!

  82. Max says

    I found out I was a lesbian a week ago. I cried and now, I still cry. I am incredibly confused and scared. My friends aren’t really accepting and I don’t know, I think they’d talk behind my back if I came out. Only one friend knows and understands since we go through the same thing. I came out to her and I cried. I’m quite scared and confused. I’ve always been liking on girls. I would try to like boys (and I have likes some boys) but with girls, it’s just different.

  83. Anonymous says

    I am not sure if anyone knows a person like me. I am Asian never married. I am 43. Never been with a boy or a girl. Never talk to anyone about my feelings. Now I feel like having a woman as life partner. I would like someone like me. I know you don’t get everything that you want in life. Any suggestions?

    • anonymous says

      I do know how it is when you can’t tell anyone about your preference, i am asian as well living in one of the most conservative country,to be honest i am scared as hell to be found out that i decided to leave my career ‘coz my dean is so biased about gay prof, but then i realized running away will never be an answer to anything so i plan to come out although i don’t know what will happen i just wanna be myself right now.

  84. Jessica says

    I am only 13 but i have dated guys but it just made me feel wierd and disgusted i dont really know if i am a lesbian i have done things with girls but i am really confused

    • Scarlett says

      This sounds a bit like me… I’m 18, but I haven’t done more than make out with anyone (male or female). However when I’ve made out with guys in the past I’ve been disinterested at best, disgusted at worst. I’m not sure if I’m just not making out with the right boys, or if I might be gay… the problem is that I don’t have enough comparative experiences with girls, and I have NO idea how to go about that.

      • Rose says

        Hi Scarlett,

        Just wanted to respond to your comment, (even though it was posted a while ago…). I am 30 now, but I remember feeling just as you do when I was a teenager…guys disgusted me, but I found girls very sexy. It is quite possible that you will find a guy that doesn’t disgust you (I did, but only when I was in my last year of college and the boys were (finally) more mature…;-)). I have had a few relationships with men since then, but I am back to dating girls now…sexuality can be a very changeable thing. If you want to get experience with girls, there might be an LGBT society or LGBT event near you where you could meet girls? For me the problem with getting started as a lesbian was that one can’t always tell who’s gay and who’s straight! ;-). All the best and stay safe.

  85. Anonymous says

    Would you say this book is appropiate for teens? I’m almost 15 and I’m still learning to be happy with myself. I don’t know anyone that can help me. My friends know I am a lesbian, but even though they try to help me and support me. They don’t really understand how I feel or understand why I’m having trouble accepting myself.

  86. Me says

    So I’m 17 years old and I’ve been out about my sexuality for quite awhile. All my friends are beyond supportive and I love them to death, it’s my parents don’t accept it at all. They are highly religious and we’ve had many talks about my sexuality, religion-the conversation always ending in how disgusted they are in me…Anyway, freshmen year I met a wonderful girl and we became instant friends. I thought she was funny and not to mention absolutely gorgeous, and we just had a really strong connection. Sophomore year was the first time I kissed her and it was so easy to fall in love with her. She was confused at first because she has never had these feelings and she had dated plenty of guys. That didn’t seem to be a big problem though because it defiantly wasn’t hard for us to ‘get physical’ (we used to have sleep overs haha) But then one night we were kissing and her mom came downstairs and caught us. Her parents banned me from seeing her anymore and when I told my parents about what happened, they said the same to me. Summer vacation passed and we didn’t talk much but start of Jr. year and we were attached at the hip again. I don’t know where we went wrong, but somehow our parents found out yet again, and my parents threatened to get a restraining order against her and her parents are saying they are going to make her switch schools if she doesn’t stop talking to me. We both saw how bad the situation really was and decided to just be ‘friends’ but I swear to God, nothing has been more hard in my life. Seeing her everyday acting like she’s just a friend and that I don’t love her more than anything on this earth? I don’t know what to do.

    • Random lesbian says

      I have to agree with Sydney it hurts I know but wait just a little longer until your 18 because then you are an adult and they cannot do anything about it so you can do what you want to do

    • Anonymous says

      You did nothing wrong, both of your sets of parents are likely just shocked and closed minded. Wait until you are 18 and do what you like, don’t let them suppress you. It may take ten years but some where down the line they will come to some kind of acceptance. And if not, they don’t deserve a wonderful daughter like you. Im glad you found someone you like and your friends are good. You are very lucky there, but as everyone else above said, just wait. Im sure you both care enough that waiting is worth it :) It will get better some day I promise hon

  87. Rose P. says

    What sage am I at? I would say stage 5 plus.

    I was a little over 19 when I told my mother (only living parent) that I was buying a house with my best friend at the office so we could be together.
    Mother thought for a while then said “You know I always would have liked grandchildren but Gwenneth is a lovely person. If you are both sure of your feelings then always be kind to her and never give her reason to doubt your love.
    Gwen and I exchanged vows on the day we finished redecorating the house and celebrated with a dinner with my mother, my brother and his fiance (female)
    These were our vows
    I Catriona Isobel Rose P….. take and accept thee, Gweneth B….. as my life partner and companion.Such love, devotion affection and compassion I have are
    thine as are all things I possess..I hold these words to be true as long as we live.
    We were together for 42 years until her death from cancer.
    Rose P.

  88. tomboy says

    I have no sexual experiences. I have always studied in all girl school and college and university. My first interaction was with a classmate which was a dare to kiss her and it turned serious but it ended very bitterly. Then i fell in love with my best friend who is straight. I never told her how i truly felt about her. i only realized that i was in love with her coz one day we were just sittin talking and suddenly we were teasing each other and i kissed her. i stopped and she kissed me back and that was the end of that. we never talked about it. i thought i would lose her but even though we have been in contact. she has been very cold to me.
    i recently met her n while sitting with her i wasnt physically attracted to her but rather emotionally very vulnerable. i cant stop obsessing over her n even fantasizing about her. but its completely different when she is in front of me. all i feel is anger, pain and hurt.
    although i have a lot of other female friends, im not attracted to any of them.
    im sorry for sounding so confused and ranting.
    My question is am i gay ? any advice?

    • Anxx says

      I have had quite a similar experience. A couple of months after id met my best friends we were closer than id ever been w anybody else. The first time i knew i fell in love w her was when i became jealous of guys that she liked. We kissed a couple of times too – she kissed me back – but we never talked about it either. I didnt just have a crush on her but i truly love(d) her. It took my 5 months to actually tell her what i felt but she told me she wouldnt return my feelings which crushed me. I also was really bitter bc i could not comprehend why shed kiss me back if she didnt have feelings for her. I found myself in a dilemma: either id lose my best friend but move on or id keep up the friendship but movin on would be super hard. I decided for the last one and now, a year later, its still hard at times but weve dealt w it pretty well i guess. I “liked” one gut ever since (my feelings werent returned though) so i thought i was maybe bisexual but lately my need to be w a woman has been really big, bigger than usually. But i havent really told anyone about it yet. I cant really help you w that question whether youre gay, I think if youre honest w yourself and listen to your heart you already know the answer. I just wanted to let you know that i know how you feel. If you ever wanna talk about it just comment on my comment (lol) and Ill give you my email:)

      • tomboy says

        hi anxx,
        thank for your sharing ur story, its comforting to know that im not alone in this, sure id love to converse more with u on the subject. please by all means give me ur id.

    • I hope that this is anonymous says

      I’m 14 and have been internally struggling with my feelings for around 3 or 4 years now. Sometimes I think that I am lesbian and other times completely straight. I felt better when I discovered that there was such thing as bi, I had been too scared to even think about my feelings, let alone ask about them! I spent like 2 years thinking that there was either straight or lesbian, right or wrong. Nowadays I realize that I tend to feel more straight when PMSing and more lesbian when ovulating and being estrogen high. In fact, is it possible that lesbians are that way because they have higher estrogen levels? Or testosterone elves? Idk.

      I have never had a crush before but right now I think I have a major crush on my dance friend but she is straight and has introduced me to her boyfriend who’s bi. I have never been in a relationship with anyone and I am really worrying about future years. I don’t think that my family would be supportive and I know people at school would think that I’m a freak. This dance friend is my only friend and I feel like I want to talk to her because she’s older and more relationship-expire fed but maybe it would be too alkward to talk to her about my feelings because she’s the one I am crushing on. Maybe I could talk to her boyfriend, as he’s the only bi person I know. But maybe my friend wouldn’t like that cause it’s her boyfriend and maybe she would think that I was triying to steal her boyfriend.

      What should I do? I haven’t ever talked to anyone about this kind of stuff and have settled for and internet site. I almost didn’t post this because I am terrified to think about what would happen if someone I know found out that I posted this. I hope that it’s anonymous.

  89. me says

    im 15. ive been with a few guys sexually. i only liked it when i was with the guy i loved. saying that, im not sure if im gay. ive always thought i was since i was little. i know i like guys, ive loved a guy before. but ive been reading alot about this and im thinking im bisexual. my phase : im admitting to myself i like girls. i hope my bestfriend still accepts me & doesnt get weird. do you think shell get weird when she stays with me? im not attracted to her, but who knows..

    • Emxx says

      I understand where you’re coming from completely- I do have a psychological/emotional attachment to guys that I don’t think I’ll find with women (eg. I long to cuddle a guy/feel that sense of security that comes with that masculinity). I feel that I’d be happy and content with a guy. Having said that, I’m not attracted to guys, so I don’t really think I could truly be with one. I know your situation is possibly different than mine (ie. you didn’t mention who you were sexually attracted to) but from what you described, if you felt aroused by the guy you loved, then you’re probably bisexual. If you felt only emotionally attracted to the guy (like me!) then you’re likely a lesbian. Having said that, you clearly enjoyed being with that guy, so none of what I just said should stop you from pursuing relationships with guys at all. Just have fun, and worry about this stuff when you get a bit older!

  90. Emxx says

    Hi guys! I’m 18 years old, and I’m 99.99999% sure that I am, in fact, a lesbian. However, I only really figured this out about 2-3 weeks ago. I’ve never dated anyone before, nor kissed anyone before. Heck, the only crushes I ever had were on boys before the age of 12. As you can imagine, to figure out so suddenly that I am gay was absolute slap in the face, and I sunk into a bit of a funk for a week or so (insomnia/anxiety/crying etc.). But then I thought -fuck it! I’m not going to sit here being sad, mourning for a life that I thought I was going to have ever since a little girl! I don’t deserve to be sad, and neither do the rest of the people on this blog so far. So I went up to my mum and said “Hey mum, I think I might be a lesbian,” And to be honest, I didn’t know how she’d react. She’d made a comment once that lead me to believe that she didn’t accept lesbians, but when I told her, she just hugged me while I cried, and said that she didn’t care, and that she’d still love me anyway. Then she told my dad, who had lead me to believe he was strictly homophobic, especially considering the comments about same-sex marriage he’s made. However, when he sat me down to talk, he told me that whatever I was, I was still his daughter, whoever I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Truth be told, neither of them truly believe that I actually am a lesbian. Despite the fact that practically all the kids in my immediate environment when I was younger were boys (brothers, cousins, neighbours), with their ‘boys’ toys, you couldn’t take me away from my barbies, and kitchens, and prams. As I said before, I also only ever had crushes on boys, and am quite feminine. Therefore, my parents don’t strictly believe that I am a lesbian, and tell me that being sexually attracted to girls at my age is completely normal, and that I’ll be into guys in no time. Despite this, my parents have been my absolute rocks. Over the past two weeks, I’ve grown far closer to them by talking to them about how I feel/having them hold me if I was feeling particularly blue about it. I tell you now, telling my parents was absolutely the most beautiful, relieving thing I’ve ever done. Despite the fact that it’s only really been a couple of weeks, and I’ve yet to tell my brothers or friends, I’m fairly certain that I’m well into the stages -maybe 3/4- and I can’t wait until the whole world knows. I just want to let any girl that’s reading this, who feels particularly glum about their budding sexuality, that you shouldn’t be so quick to judge whether someone will accept you or not. That you’ll only really know when you do tell them. And that even if people turn away from, there are always people in this world, like me, who really doesn’t give a crap what you are :)

  91. anonymous says

    I’m 13. I’ve never had a relationship before, or my first kiss, but I’ve never really been attracted to boys, I’ve just pretended to be. I have however liked girls since age 9 and am currently crushing on my best friend. Like, I fantasize about having a relationship with , holding her hands, kissing her, etc.. I’m just wondering, am I really gay or do I need to have relationships with boys to figure this out?

    • Emxx says

      Try not to stress right now! I know saying ‘you’re only 13’ won’t be any help to, but believe me, your sexual orientation isn’t super important right now. My mum’s done a fair bit of googling, and it’s apparently very normal for young girls to first look at their female friends, and then at boys a little later on. So really, chill out! And even if you are a lesbian, that’s not going to matter until you’re older, when relationships get sexual :)

  92. Allison says

    Hi, I’m thirteen, and I’m not sure if I’m a lesbian. I grew up having crushes on a couple of boys in my school, but never having the want to kiss them, date them or anything. I never understood when some actor on TV popped up and some girls would comment how they would want to marry them or kiss them, etc.

    My first experience of realising my feelings toward the same sex was when I was about nine. There was a girl in my class who I thought was cute and I started having fluffy feelings toward. When some guy was calling her “ugly” at the table we both sat at, and I actually defended her by saying “She’s not ugly, she’s cute!” She gave me a weird look, the guy left and called me a “lesbian.”….I was humiliated, and I was repulsed at the fact I said that. At school, the term “gay” or “lesbian” were both the top insults you could ever say to a person. It was like taboo.

    Thus, I began to wonder if I really liked girls.

    For the next couple of years, I kept my feelings toward myself. I forgot of me liking the girl when I was nine. I had crushes on boys, but I never wanted to date them. When I saw her, I got the feelings of wanting to hold hands, etc. like what you’re “supposed” to have when you see a cute guy. I began to feel terrified at the thought of being a lesbian, and being bullied at school for it. I kept it to myself, and I promised to never have a crush on a girl ever again.

    My feelings were reopened when I began to have lesbian feelings for this girl last year. She was in my grade, and looked like a high schooler. I caught myself staring at her during social studies and english- I thought she was beautiful. However, my feelings drew away because of her two-faced personality. I was relieved, but still frightened at though of liking girls. Then, later that year…I began to crush on my best friend out of nowhere. The best part was that I began to sense she liked me back, too. I also thought she preferred girls, too- because she would often casually call some girl hot on the TV and barely spoke of boys besides ranting about some annoying guy in our grade. (lol) She’d always look at me in some way I couldn’t explain.

    Then, while at our friend’s birthday party sleepover, I began to want us to be more than friends. I wanted to be a couple. I actually wanted to admit of my crush on her to her but I moved away at the end of year.

    Now, I started having sexual feelings toward girls….and I’m really thinking I’m a lesbian. The thing is, I’m scared of being bullied if I come out and I’m scared of my parents thinking I’m too young to seriously consider my sexual orientation. I actually asked my mom what she would do if my sister or I came out and she responded with “Oh, you’re both too young for that.”

    I really don’t know what to do. A little help?

    • Anonymous says

      Dude, just come out its way better than crying yourself to sleep. In the end you just need to be yourself. That gets heavy on your shoulders. I came out at 17 of course i didnt scream it our n the school hallway but if someone asks ill say why yes i do love meagan good. Its hard but you have to accept that its a part of you and always has been. Just be you and if others dont like it yolo your life your experience.

  93. Jade says

    I’m 16 and a lesbian, I’ve never liked guys and really really want a girlfriend, but I don’t know a single girl who is gay and I just feel lonely seeing couples holding hands and what not.
    And I just feel like I’m on the back line cause I’m gay.
    Any advice?

    • Anonymous says

      Well I’ve been having the same problem you have. But I’ve come to the conclusion that even though you’ve accepted it, many other girls will not have. They might not tell people in a long, long time. So, basically, we have to wait unless you can find someone.

    • Aberri says

      I’m in the same boat…Just put yourself out there as much as possible…and if it turns out they’re straight just keep your head up, Miss Right will come along someday :)

    • Emxx says

      I’m sure there’s an LGBT community group around that would have a hot supply of gay girls, so just join one of them. That’s what I’m thinking of doing, anyway!

  94. Phe says

    I am 16 and struggling. I am close with a lot of boys and many of them have had crushes on me and asked me out. I have never been interested in them though and last year i met this girl and, wow we had this instant connection i just wanted to be close to her all the time (we had a school class together so it was actually working in my favor)I was really attracted to her and i can’t tell if it was like a one person thing, like if i only like her and not girls exclusively or if i just haven’t had the same kind of connection with a boy yet. We never dated but i would have vivid day dreams of kissing her when she was in the same room. i would get that feeling in my stomach when she held my hand (we hold hands while we sing the alma matter). And when she hugged me i would get all lightheaded not to mention i was always one of those stupid blushing tongue tied girls whenever i talked to her. I never felt that way with boys. I think my teacher totally knew i was head over heals for her. Awkward. Advice? Stories on when you realized you were a lesbian? Anything?
    Thanks guys i love you all!!!

    • Emxx says

      Just go with it! I only really just figured myself out….like, I never really felt anything for anyone throughout highschool. The thought of snuggling up with a guy made me feel content, and really appealed to me, however I was never really sexually attracted to them. I only really just discovered that I’m sexually attracted t girls, and I figure that as soon as I meet up with my friends and tell them, I’m just going to jump straight into lesbianism. There really isn’t any other way around it, to be honest, so I say that you should just go for what you want :)

  95. Anonymous says

    So many comments!! I am in a relationship with a guy atm and I love him so much, we have amazing sex and everything is awesone. However, I have dated girls before and I also like girls and I find myself on blogs like this and thinking about relationships with girls and even when im drunk I apparently kissed a lesbian and told her I like girls but shhhh. Please help, not sure what im feeling :/

    • Emxx says

      Well, it’s clear that you’re bisexual, which means that you get the best of both worlds, haha! Just stick it out and go with the flow- clearly you have an amazing relationship with that guy, but now you can have girls to fall back on if things go sour with him ;)

  96. Lara says

    I’m a 13 year old girl and I think I’m at the stage of OMG I like girls what? But I have talked to my BFFs and they totally support me but I don’t know how to break the news to my mom and dad

    • Emxx says

      Just sit them down, and talk to them about how you feel. If you don’t feel comfortable breaking it to them like that, do something interesting. Write them a note, and leave it on their bed, or something. You just need a way to initially break the ice, and then wait for them to come around and talk to you more about it. Try not to overthink it, because chances are, although they’re going to be feeling a lot of different things, I dare say they’ll be fine with it in the end. You’re their daughter, afterall.

  97. Help me! says

    I’m 15 years old, I’ve had a boyfriend in July and loved it. A few years ago I had gotten some feelings that I had never felt before. At that time I was only 13 and I didn’t know what to do. Most of my dad’s side is very religious and they do not accept gay people which sucks because I am very close to the religious people on my dad’s side. I grew up in this religion so it is even harder to think of myself being lesbian. I have told a couple of my closest friends and they have been very supportive. The only problem is that I think I might like one of them and I know she wouldn’t like me back. I look and both guys and girls and find them very attractive but when I think about them I like girls more. It’s just something about them that attracts me to them. I have never really expirimented with a girl before because I don’t think I know anyone that would or I think I might but I’m just too scared to find out I am gay. I can’t really tell if I’m lesbian if I’ve never been with a girl before can I? Oh my I need some help and advice PLEASE!!! There are quite a few girls that I really like at my school but I will be sitting in class and then all of the sudden realize that I’m staring at a girl and I’ll stop myself because I don’t want anyone to assume anything. I’ve also thought I might be bisexual but I’m not quite sure.

    • im 15 and confused says

      hey, Help Me! same with me most of my family is Mormon, I’m scared that they wont accept me and the way I’m starting to feel. what do we do.

      • les says

        lift your skirt at church on sunday and show them your fanny and tell them its a lesbian fanny and they cant do anything about it, NO WILLY FOR ME! anyway what is a mormon?

      • Asher says

        You’re not alone. My family is Mormon and I am myself. I’m 20 and still haven’t come out but I I truly feel like if I come out my parents will still love me but if not I think I’d rather be okay with who I am then pretend to be this person I’m not. Good luck girl I hope things work out! Just be true to yourself!

    • Anonymous says

      Just because you have never been with a girl doesn’t mean you really won’t be able to tell whether you’re a lesbian or not. However, to actually be with a girl will really help you figure out if you’re a lesbian or not. Lots of lesbians i know knew they’re lesbians even with absolutely no experience with a girl whatsoever. Also, expand your world! Find a way to meet lesbians if not in your area,maybe near your area instead. I first had my relationship with a girl who was in Canada and I’m from a different country and I was very young. Didn’t work but that really helped me realize that I want a relationship with a girl just as much as i wanna sleep with them. Queer cheer

    • Emxx says

      Relax! If you are gay, you’ll certainly feel much better if you do come out to your parents. That being said, because you’re in a difficult situation, I think it would be best to wait it out until you’re comfortable with yourself. That way, if your parents do have a less than pleasant reaction, you’ll be strong enough to deal with it. I also think that you should talk to a lot of other gay people/accepting people, so that you can form a support network to fall back on if things go downhill. I personally thought my parents would have a negative reaction as they’d said quite a few harsh things about gay marriage before, but when I told them they totally surprised me by being okay with it. So you never really know, they might not mind as much as you think!

  98. Question mark girl says

    I am not actually 100% sure if I’m a lesbian, a bisexual, or a pansexual. But I have finally reached stage 3.I am a senior in high school. I am at the point where I’m just now starting to come out, but have known that I’m not straight for nearly a year now. I almost had a girlfriend, but it keeps not working out. I have a boyfriend for now, but I still am very much in love my almost 1st girlfriend! I think that I could accept who I am better if it wouldn’t have been my mother’s fight with her girlfriend on the phone that had killed her!also I live with a preacher so I kinda can’t come out to the people I live with!It is hard lying about who I am!But on the bright side I came out to 3 people today!

  99. Angel says

    I am in the acknowledgment stage I can’t seem to except it. My avoidance phase was to not pay attention to it and until it started to slap me in the face and I got scared and decided I was straight and started sleeping with men and I’m so tired of it I want to have more of a package deal but I can’t date a man. I’ve tried I can’t make myself develop feelings for them romantically. I feel numb.

    • Anonymous says

      I did the same as you, tried to be straight. It didn’t work. Once I accepted that my attraction to women was apart of who I am it was very freeing. It still took me a bit of time after that to actually act on it but just admitting to myself and accepting it made a big difference. It takes as long as it takes but be open to it.

  100. Rosy (18) says

    Well i outed like 5 months ago and im in a relationship with the most amazing woman right now. Im really happy tk have outed at the end.. because if i didnt i might never had met her.. Though its still hard sometimes, i lost a good friend and my dad hates me for it.
    My familly has always been on first place for me, but i cant change who i am and who i love. Thats why ill keep strong. At least most of my friends accept me for being gay and my mom supports me. And lately my dad is kinda trying to get used to it, i love him for at least trying it.
    Soo i agree getting out of the closet is the best thing. People who will hate you for it werent worth it anyway!

  101. Brittany says

    I’m 22 years old and im just coming into the acceptance stage. i know that i’ve always been attracted to girls but i mostly focused on boys because i was still attracted to them. in 7th grade i started to really be interested in boys (kissing and all that) but my feelings threw me a curve ball when i started getting butterflies when a certain girl walked by. it was an intense crush and it was very confusing since i had never admitted to myself that i was attracted to girls. My family is religious and i was taught from day one that it was wrong to like the same sex.
    i struggled most of the year wondering if i was a lesbian and if someone could be half lesbian lol. then someone said “bisexual” and i looked it up. it was me! i cant describe how relived i was that there was a term for it which meant that there were others like me. I still felt that my feeling were wrong and sinful though so i dove into my religion and buried my feeling the best i could. i still had crushes but i stifled them until 9th grade. freshman year i fell hard for a girl and i could get a handle on my attraction for her. that’s when i admitted to myself and a couple of my close friends that i was bisexual. i still didn’t act on my emotions though because i lived in a small town and my older brother was really well known in school and a was afraid my parents would find out. i had no idea what they might do if they found out but i was sure it wouldn’t be good. somehow i found myself in an accidental relationship with a guy. His name was Andrew. At first i really didn’t feel anything for him but i didn’t want to hurt his feeling so i stayed with him and wouldn’t you know it, i fell in love with him. After about 6 months i told him that i thought i might actually be a lesbian and i told this to my best friend too. they were so hurt and their reactions of denial and disappointment put me back in the closet. i continued to identify myself as bi although not very many pple actually knew this. i had one girlfriend that lasted a whole day lol. she was afraid someone would find out. Eventually Andrew and i broke up (he went to the marines and i couldn’t cope). and i went to college. I picked a college 4 hours away from my hometown thinking that i could have a girlfriend without worrying about my parents or family. WRONG!.i was put in the all girl dorm (torture) and my roommate was an extremely religious daughter of a missionary family from Thailand. i thought ” you’ve got to be kidding me” but we actually became close friends although i never came out to her and i never had a girlfriend. i got involved with a guy and moved in with him. thought i loved him but knew i didn’t .he proposed and i said yes even though i didn’t want to marry him. We broke up by mutual agreement and almost immediately after got involved with another guy. Here’s where things really got interesting. after being involved with this guy for maybe 2 months we found out i was going to be a mom OH BOY lol that was fun to tell my parents. i was only 19 and until that preggo test showed positive i hadn’t even considered this guy my boyfriend. We got married when i was almost 5 months pregnant. Let me tell you, i did NOT want to marry this guy. don’t get me wrong he’s a great guy, a loving husband, and a good dad now but i did not want to marry him. I actually said no quite a few times when he asked me to marry him but eventually i gave in. i wanted my sons dad to be in his life.
    Now ,however, we’ve been married for 2 years and i don’t think i can do it anymore. I love my husband but not the way a wife is supposed to love her husband. he’s my best friend. we almost got a divorce last year because we have uh, complications, in the bedroom. simply put he wants it and i don’t obviously because i don’t like penis. But since high school i had never considered that i might be a lesbian. i dint know why i wasn’t sexually attracted to him because i can honestly tell you that i think he’s attractive, i just don’t want to have sex with him. I’ve told him many times that it’s not him, i don’t want to have sex with ANY man. a couple months ago he told me his family was starting to think i was a lesbian and he asked if i was sure that i wasn’t.
    It was like the lights had been turned on. all this time i was asking what the hell was wrong with me? why couldn’t i have sex with my husband? It’s because im Gay. I dont like men. I want to be with a woman!!!
    But im married and have a kid. where do i go from here?

    • Anonymous says

      While it’s still early for the both of you, i say get out of that marriage that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

      • Brittany says

        part of me agrees with that but im confused because i do love him, just not as a husband and i dont know how to make him see that. i’ve talked to him about my attractions for girls and he refuses to believe me. he said that im just bisexual and and if i “chose” to e a lesbian it would only be to hurt him. and im concerned about putting my young son through a divorce…but i guess it would be worse if it happens when he’s older. This is so frustrating

        • Rose says

          HI Brittany,

          Even though your comment has been up for a few months, I still wanted to make a reply. I have a friend who was very happily married with kids, and only found out she was gay when she was in her 40’s. So you’re doing really well discovering it now when you’re in your 20’s!! :-). I am sure you love your husband very deeply…I’m also lesbian but have loved men in the past who are still very important to me. I am sure that you will find a way to follow your heart and your physicality.

  102. we'll call her Jemma. says

    Hi, so I am 17 and since july I have known I dont really like boys, though I started having dreams about girls at 16. Nothing about a boy is really WOW, and girls are just so… I cant explain it. I recently said yes to a boy in my class for a grad date, and today his friend told me how excited he was. I feel quite bad now like im lying to him. But i said yes to him as a FRIEND. I know he likes me but obviously i dont like him in that way.

    I dont find myself staring or gawking at girls, but there is one girl and i like her so much. But i know shes straight.. I havnt come out of the closet, but as soon as i do i am confessing to her.

    My family is very antigay, and i feel as though i need someplace to escape. I am so happy with myself <3 but at the same time i feel guilty for wanting to switch teams. But when i think of a guy touching me i feel sick and get a head ache… So i guess i do like girls. That felt really good.

    I LIKE GIRLS!! and this is my life to live. Thanks for writing this , i know it helped me to feel better about who I am. <3

    Its nice to know im not alone out there

    • katie says

      I’m 17 and am feeling and going through the same thing except the girl ended up being bi and we are together and it is great but she ks the only girl I’m down for am j a lezbian

      • Anonymous says

        With many tears, I came out to my parents the other day :) I feel great ! I don’t have to hide what I feel! She’s no, That’s good for you! Thanks for replying! Still felt lonely, but NO MORE!!

  103. we'll call her Jemma. says

    Hi, so I am 17 and since july I have known I dont really like boys, though I started having dreams about girls at 16. Nothing about a boy is really WOW, and girls are just so… I cant explain it. I recently said yes to a boy in my class for a grad date, and today his friend told me how excited he was. I feel quite bad now like im lying to him. But i said yes to him as a FRIEND. I know he likes me but obviously i dont like him in that way.

    I dont find myself staring or gawking at girls, but there is one girl and i like her so much. But i know shes straight.. I havnt come out of the closet, but as soon as i do i am confessing to her.

    My family is very antigay, and i feel as though i need someplace to escape. I am so happy with myself <3 but at the same time i feel guilty for wanting to switch teams. But when i think of a guy touching me i feel sick and get a head ache… So i guess i do like girls. That felt really good.

    I LIKE GIRLS!! and this is my life to live. Thanks for writing this , i know it helped me to feel better about who I am. <3 Its nice to know im not alone out there

  104. Avery says

    I am just getting out of phase one, i was extremely attracted to these two beautiful women while i was in high school. The first was two years above me and i was infatuated my freshman and sophomore year and the second was only one year above me and i was into her my junior year. Now that i am starting to accept the fact that i have more than a wandering eye i am making plans to visit them and thank them for contributing to helping me get out of the closet. (I know they are both straight, but open minded and i feel very comfortable around them.) Wish me luck!

  105. Jess says

    I would be in the last stage if I was out. Only my sister knows! I spent most if my time in the first stage (it’s the first 17 years of my life.) I jumped through all the rest up to number 5 in just 6 months.

  106. Tonya says

    I’m 22 and I’ve strayed checking out girls around middle school and I was like wtf. Now I’m still in the acknowledgement/ Acceptance stage only because I feel like sometimes no one can eer know that I have an attraction to girls but I’m also happy I like girls because they are beautiful but I guess I’ve never talked to anyone about it and I don’t know anyone who’s gay to talk to I don’t want to reveal this to just anyone….I still like guys but I just find women absolutely gorgeous…I guess in just scared but I’ve also never even kissed a girl so I’m still sort of skeptical if I really like girls or if its just an infatuation.

  107. Sara says

    Im 20 years old arabic girl living in Europe and I’m at step 3 – acceptance. All my life I’ve been attracted to both women and men but I never really accepted it until recently. My family is religious and would never accepte anything like this. At 9th grade I remember being caught checking out a friend of mine. I remember the embarrasment and how scared I was that people would think I was gay.

    Nine months ago I started university in a city far away from where I grew up. I moved out from my family. I met a girl at my class(lets call her Anna) . The first time I saw her I felt sparkles between us. We became really good friends and I told her I was bisexual. She was okay with that, and I pointed out that I wasn’t going to hit on her or anything. She told me she was straight also. One day we smoked pot together and out of the blue I kissed her. A light kiss, no tounge. Just a kiss. We never talked about it, we kept on smoking and laughing and pretending it never happened. In class she always held my hand because I’m always so warm and she gets cold easily. In april we had a chemistry course and one day we decided to stay in school to study. It was a snow day, not many students were in school.

    That day I had fixed myself and she kept telling me how beautiful I was and how much she loved my hair and outfit. We were sitting in a couch and she kept holding my hands and then she put her hands between my thighs because they were warm. I don’t know why but that day I really wanted to kiss her and I felt so attracted to her.

    She went to the WC and i layed my self down in the couch. When she came back she bent down and looked in my face upside down. We started talking about kissing techniques and by that time my heart was pouding really fast, all I wanted to do was to kiss her. A friend (lets call her Hanna) came by and lay down in the sofa next to us. I was joking around with Hanna I layed my self on her like a sandwhich and started tickling her. Then I went back to Anna, who were laying on her back. I layed my self on her, making another sandwhich. We were looking into eachothers eyes and I noticed that there were something in the way she looked at me. Her hands was on my back but they started moving to the area of my chest! I wore a loose shirt who showed a bit of my cleavage that day and she complimented my bra. Our friend Hanna was sitting close to us but she could’nt see what Anna was up to. Anna started running her fingers in the area of my chest, playing with my bra, almost touching my nipples. I started breathing harder, wanting her more and more. I didn’t remove her hands and she noticed that I quite enjoyed it so she didnt stop.. she started touching my nipples. I almost came when she did that, at least I ruined my panties because of the excitement.

    I started touching her also and all this happened when Hanna was there. She was watching youtube clips, not knowing what we were up to. Suddenly Hanna decided to go home so I sat up in the couch, we said hello to hanna and we sat there thinking about what just had happened. We started talking and I asked her what she was doing and why.. She didn’t give me a straight answer, she just asked if I liked it and I said yes.
    But I kept asking her why did u do it? Then she said don’t you know? Do I rreally have to tell you? Can’t you figure it out without me confessing?
    I immedietly knew she was into girls aswell.. I asked her if she was a bisexual and she said yes. I was the first person she came out to. When we talked I had my head resting in her lap. I told her she had the most beautiful lips I have ever seen(they’re really hot, pouty and kissable)
    The phone rang and it was Hanna. She said that all the trains had stopped that day and that she were taking a cab home. As I were talking to Hanna, Anna started touching my nipples again.. My breaths became intense and I hung up on Hanna. I told Anna that I really liked what she did, and I said that I wanted her badly. She said that she was afraid that it was going to ruin our friendship, but I explained that it was a one time thing and that we would laugh about it later. Because of the trains, she had to sleep over at my place.

    We watched a movie and she started kissing my hands, i kissed her hands too. THen she started playing with my nipples again. All this while watching the movie. I was getting really horny so I tried to kiss her but she rejected me. When the movie ended I went to bed and she was sleeping on a madrass.

    I Told her my back was really aching so she offered her self to give me a massage. My back wasn’t really aching but I really wanted her to touch me so I lied lol. :D I removed my shirt and bra. She massaged all my back, and she asked me if i wanted to have a massage on the front side also. Ofcourse i wanted. I turned around and she started massaging my stomatch, going up to my throath, to my arms, avoiding my breasts but massaging the chest area. Then she started touching my breasts, like it was a normal thing to massage lol. After that she started to touch my nipples again. By that time I was so horny, all I wanted to do was to kiss her. So I tried to but once again she denied me. I asked her why and she said she was afraid for our friendship to be ruined. I told her it wasn’t going to. After a bit of talking she kissed me and everything went really fine.. All I can tell you is that since that day we’ve been a couple.

    I love her very much. We both come from different religion families and none of them would accept our sexuality so we keep it a secret. But I love her from the bottom of my heart and we’re moving in together this year :)

  108. Nia says

    I’m currently on stage 3 and been there for 2 years. What’s keeping me to going to stage 4 is that I still haven’t come out, and might not in a while. Mostly because of the way I was brought up. My family is so strictly religious that I denied liking girls for so long, and my excuse was that I liked boys (bisexuality was a foreign concept to me at 10, although I’m not bi). I was homophobic because that’s what I was taught. It got to a point were I extremely hated myself for even checking a girl out. But I grew up, dumped all the religious stuff, and moved to stage 2 and 3. When I finally admitted that I liked girls I felt like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. I told my best friend, and until now she’s the only one that knows. I started watching a lot of LGBT films and reading about the subject. I can now say that I’m not one bit homophobic, and I’m completely fine with my sexuality. I don’t think I’ll ever come out to my parents, and that doesn’t really bother me. I just wish that other girls knew I’m not straight so they would know I could be interested.

  109. Lexiee says

    im 12 and I live in Leicestershire. I think i like girl but i dont know… i am attracted to girls but i still think boys are cute… can somebody help me?????????

  110. Claire says

    I am 13 and live in the #1 Conservative city in the US. Therefore, I can’t come out. My parents are Gay Rights Activists, so it was easy to come out to them. But if I fully come out, (like I REALLY want to), I will get bullied to the extent that it is dangerous. I REALLY want a girlfriend, but I can’t have one until I move out and go to another city. :( There are 2 bi girls in my school and the one I like, hates me and the other one, I like but doesn’t know me. What can I do?!?!

  111. Pia says

    Step 2. Suffering step 2. Enjoyed the article, pretty clear the way of describing it, much more when sum up to phrases haha.
    Im 24, just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. Broke up because i wasn’t attracted to him, and internally thought i was attracted to women.
    I believe it’s quite difficult to accept yourself. Ive been all my life the perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect friend and perfect girlfriend. Furthermore, i studied law and live in a small conservative country, and as you may know, lawyers are pretty conservative, so i think im screwed. Plus i’m now preparing to take what seems to be the most important test of my life, i’ve been studying for 8 months already, and i feel so awful not being able to trust anybody about how i feel and so stressed about the test, but i can’t study cause my mind is thinking of the fact that I AM gay. I’m pretty sure i’m going to fail, though it would be a great moment to come out. The fact that i’m gay won’t matter cause everybody will be focused on that i’m a failure haha. (i can re-take the test)
    I think i knew all the time i was gay, but never wanted to confront it. It seems so unreal. No intention to offend anybody, but for the people who i am surrounded by being gay is not something real, is something that happens to “other” people, or that “other” people are. Plus, i don’t want to accept that by coming out i will enter a new community and sort of leave mine, that my friends will see me in a different way, that i have to go to other clubs to meet people i am interested in. That all that you think your life was going to be when you were younger, is not going to happen: having a husband, growing old together, having children made by the genes of both of you. It’s difficult to try and imagine a new picture of yourself, like when you are 80 and by your side is not an old man, but an old woman. Not to mention how dissapointed my parents are going to be. I am seriously thinking, in fact, i think i will move from country as soon as i can, so my parents won’t have to know, won’t be hurt, and i can live my life.

    I just want to cry, and needed to express this. You think life is so easy, especially when you are so lucky as i am. I hope someday i can go to step 3, 4 and 5. For now, i just have to say that women are awesome. I really don’t understand how men can be gay if women are so attractive haha.

    • Killjoy says

      Ok kinda scary my story is like that too just broke up with my 4 and a haft boyfriend and i feel at stage two… scared really about the whole thing I’ve finished college and i feel like I’m done everything right and now this happens lol maybe I’m still in denial this isn’t me this can’t be me but there’s a little voice. telling me

      • Killjoy says

        “Yes you are” so i quess i just have to explore cause I’ve never been happy with all the boyfriends I’ve had. Being with a beautiful women sounds exciting. well good luck to you on your test. =)

        • Pia says

          That’s my exact same feeling “now THIS happens”, tried to deny it but I can also hear that little voice.
          I agree with you in that exploring would be the solution? but the problem is that to do so, you have to be free. Anyhow, I’m convinced that we live only once so we should all be allowed to take a shot to be happy. I’m waiting to gather the courage to do so.
          Take care :)

  112. Leah says

    Hi, Im Leah. 13 years old. Ive been having this sexual feeling about girls for around a year now. I havent told my parents because they will be like “whatever. Go away” and laugh at me. I DONT KNOW
    WHAT TO DO.Ive had boyfriends before but I never really loved them. I think I used them as a rebound to push the thought away. But it wont go away. Ive watched tapes and I feel more comfortable watching them and think “I just want to be open about this at one point” I actually enjoy watching them. I have a circle time at my school as a lesson only a few people go (around 9 – 11) but I get bullied enough as it is. What do I do?

  113. Laura says

    I’m at 4…haven’t come out yet, but I have done a lot of research (even a school project)…and I can’t deny being bisexual while having a girlfriend…

      • Laura says

        We did a PowerPoint on gay rights in Washington, and some of the messed up crap some people did to those who were gay/lesbian. Transversion therapy sucks

    • no one in particular says

      Me to and have been for years like girls eekk like guys no really I fluctuate and don’t know how to stop it where do I go from here I am 33 all ready

      • Someone says

        So you are bisexual. Therefore you are attracted to both so don’t worry about gender and just worry on if you truly are in love with someone and follow your heart.

  114. im proud but im scared says

    okay so im13. i starting liking girls in 3rd grade and went through stage one until 5th then i told my lesbian godmother. im now in 7th i have kissed two girls and have a girlfriend im very open about being gay. i dont really say it but im totaly butch and show no interest in guys at school so idk if people at school know or not. anyway when i try to tell my family members they say im too young to know and it pissed me off. they say they had girl crushes. these r not crushes, i am physicly attracted to women, and thinking about guys that way grosses me out. please reply idk what to do!!!

    • Someone says

      They are incorrect. But if they say your too young, ignore the topic until your older and try telling them again. Eventually they will understand. They most likely are trying to be neiave about it because they don’t want to think its true. But after some time they will accept it.

  115. Frustrated says

    So I’ve been having these feelings. My friends likes women and men and we are best friends the thing I’ve been experiencing is how drawn I am to her and I can’t figure it out and I feel really confused. I said something to her about it and she has been feeling the same thing. Any ideas cause now I’mstarting to question my sexuality

    • Someone says

      You might “like like” each other. But even if you do, it’s best to avoid being a lesbian couple for a while and try to just be friends so it won’t ruin your friendship. But if you two are truly in love, avoiding might be the wrong path. Determine whether to confront it or ignore being gay by how strong it is and how much your friendship means.

  116. Anonymous says

    So I’ve been having these feelings. My friends likes women and men and we are best friends the thing I’ve been experiencing is how drawn I am to her and I can’t figure it out and I feel really confused. I said something to her about it and she has been feeling the same thing. Any ideas cause now I’mstarting to question my sexuality

  117. Kat says

    I am stuck on two. I don’t exactly know how to come out, though I sorta have a plan.

    What I’m really stuck on is whether I’m Bi or Lesbian. I like this guy called Toby, but right now I just talk with him and his friend Joel.

    When I say this next part, you have to understand that I’m in a really crazy group if friends. An awesome one, but still a crazy one.

    Me and my friend Mary where sitting down talking about our school camp, and then all of a sudden, she says that we should play spin the bottle.
    The next day we were talking with Toby and Joel, only this time without Mary but with Katherine (My crush), and we were talking about all the weird combinations with the five of us in spin the bottle. I said something about a gay kiss and then Katherine said that she wouldn’t care if she had to kiss me, and that is we’re i am getting really confused. She hasn’t really said anything about being lesbian or bi before so I think either she meant it in a joking way or in a serious way. Does anyone have any advice for me?

    • Someone says

      That is a tough one. Unfortunately for you, I don’t really believe she was admitting being lesbian/bisexual by saying she didnt mind. But it could mean it; she could actually be. But before you go off to admit anything, it’s probably best to wait for more signs from her.

  118. Jayne says

    Hi, I’m 22 and finally coming to terms with my attraction to woman and the erge to be with one. I have dated guys my whole life and recently broke up with a boyfriend of almost 2 years. I always wondered why I wasn’t always sexually excited with him and I never felt like I wanted to have sex with him. But we had a threesome and the excitement of the girl being there was amazing. I knew then that I had to change my lifestyle to fit around my feelings. I’m still very afraid and I don’t know what people will think of this ‘sudden’ change which isn’t so sudden for me. I will be comfortable one day, i just hope I find that perfect girl for me :)

    • Freya says

      Hey. i’m 23 and going through the same thing. I have never felt great having sex with men. I have overcompensated by dating soooo many men and I have been a bit promiscuous at times but as soon as I start having sex I fantasize about a woman touching me, kissing me. I find men attractive until I start thinking of them naked etc. When I say to myself “You are gay” I feel a sense of ease, release. I don’t know whether I am gay or bi…I’m so confused. I wish I just knew. UGH! :) Good luck with things. x

    • Pia says

      wow, amazing to see how people around the world go through the EXACT same thing.
      I am in the same place as Jayne. Don’t know what people will say. I have the same hope of finding somebody with whom i can be myself.
      It made me feel a little better to know that i am not the only one feeling this. I hope it comforts you too =)

    • Trix says

      Wow, I’m going thru the exact same thing. I’m 22, and I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because I couldn’t shake this attraction that I had for a girl I worked with. I’ve had crushes on girls before and even fooled around with a couple, but I’m still so confused. I’ve never actually dated a girl, and it scares the crap out of me. I don’t even know how to begin.. I feel like I have to explore these feelings though. My attraction to women has always held me back in my relationships with men. There’s something about girls that I love. I’m still so crazy about that girl I worked with, it’s ridiculous. We started to explore it a little after I broke up with my ex, but I think that she thinks I’m just going thru a phase. I’ve had these confusing feelings since high school though. I just never dealt with them. Dating guys has always been so easy because that’s what’s been expected of me. I’m not sure how to go about this at all. Any advice?

  119. danyelle says

    I’m deffinetly at the 2nd stage. I’m 16 and I really want to come out to be able to say oh shes so cute but I’m so scared. My mom has asked me in the past if I’m a lesbian and I told her no because I was scared. Having my sister tell me she’d be okay if I was made me feel better but she also told me my mom said I better not be a lesbian. Well I wish I could tell her but everytime were out in public and we see a gay couple she always says something rude about them. I just want acceptance..

  120. Alexis says

    Im in Forth grade, you can say im to young to be thinking about my sexuality but i dont care what you say. im just being me and i want to know who that really is, ive thought about women and ive denied im gay, but lately for about a year or so I haven’t been able to get girls off my mind. i could never get ‘physical’ with a boy even the thought disgusts me,i feel as though id be much happier with a women but its so early on i guess this might just be a phase but thats what ive told myself for the last year ive thought abut being with a girl, and i actually do it more then i do a guy, Ive also had minor to major crushes on girls, but theres really only one guy ive ever liked but he liked My bestfriend. My dad is a homophobic though, or at least seems like older sister is gay and tells me about her relationships when she talks about anything lesbian related i just stop what im doing and listen, i guess im the only one that listens even though she has alot of friends its not like the share secrets! well not all of them but anyways, im not sure what i like anymore im confused and im not sure what side to pick, i know for a fact im not going to pick both. Ive always been mommys little girl and daddys princess, but i hated pink and sparkles since day one but i never said anything but eventually, I refused to wear skirts, then dresses and haevnt worn one since i was for, i also havent wore pink since last year or so, im just like forming into my sister im like a lil her, she has a short haircut so she looks like a boy and more times then not she gets mistaken for one. I dont plan on looking that way… yet :P and im going off the fact i think im gay… Lol but really the signs im showing, could it just be a phase?

  121. Ele says

    Im Young and Confused, Im questioning, but Im not physically attracted to men, But i am to Women, I know alot of lesbian feel they cant tell anyone but I do too. I want to but dont know how they will react. but im not Really sure if im gay or not v.v

  122. Hazel says

    Ive been attracted to girls since i was in preschool and that would be my teachers. :) i also got attracted to boys that time but much more attracted with girls. When i was in elementary im already acting tomboyish, i like walking like a man,borrowing my guy cousin’s shirts and pants and that feels very good. That time im still attracted to my intern teachers, im like getting their numbers and texting or even calling them with my mom’s phone. That time i already admitted myself as a gay. But then i know my parents wont agree, you know my mom dont like gay people and my father is a devoted born again christian. at the age of 10, we transferred to a diff. town, usually very away from where i grew up and now very near at my father’s church. Nobody knows me there so i said i will hide my past. I started to like boys and im enjoying it. I dated many boys, had suitors. Until i met this girl, she’s 23 while im 13. she is at the same church as my father and that time also me. (When we transferred, i was converted from catholic to a born again christian). I really got affectionately attracted to her, and my mom sensed that, she called that girl and told her to not bother me anymore. and then she put me into grounded and got my cellphone. i moved on with my feelings even if it really hurts so much. i know deep inside i loved her but never wants to admit it and then putting a label that she was my best friend. when i was in high school i again began to date guys, fall inlove with them but i dont know if it was really love or puppy love but not as intense as what i felt with my first “bestfriend”. When i was 14, we decided to be back again at our hometown. I was placed in a private school. Again i hid at them that i like girls and bragged that i had a dozen of boyfriends (which is basically true) . And then i found out that one of my friends (a girl) in our group also had this bestfriend (which happens to be our school nurse) and i know what she feels is the same as what i felt at my first bestfriend. She has a boyfriend anyway but just for the sake of having one. We became close friends because we’re on the same group of friends. And on our last year on high school, this feeling of being attracted to girls haunted me again. And i felt it on her. When we’re at the classroom, we are seatmates and she would just lean on my shoulder and i again felt the shiver when she does that and before i found out, im already building an attraction for her. the same as what i felt with my first bestfriend. I texted her more often and we had a term of endearment to each other. She calls me cat, and i call her dog
    I forgot how we came acroos that term of endearment but i know jm the one who labeled it and i got that from the cartoon “catdog”. We would get jealous at each other, be possessive, but always label our relationships as BFFs. my mother again found this out, and she told me to stop seeing her bcoz it affects my studies. (Modesty aside, i am a very studious perspn since i started schooling) and my last year at highschool was a big challenge to me, coz my mom wants me to be the valedictorian and my grades started to fall that time, coz i cant concentrate on what im studying when my bestfriend and i were mad at each other (always bcoz of jealousy). And again, i followed my mom and i backed away at my bff and graduated as valedictorian. When we were already not speaking to each other at school, i knew this girl who is attracted to me. I took it as an.opportunity to move on with my bff. She courted me, and we became in a relationship but beyond the knowledge of other people. It’s basically the two of us who knows our relationship and some others who can be trusted. But this girl acted so possessive and i think she’s holding me up. She knew i had a great feeling at my bfg and always scares me that she will cut herself if i leave her. I dont really like our relationship. For me its just an expirement and i dobt really fell inlove with her, so i broke up with her. (Im in senior year that time and the girl is a freshmen student). When i was in my first yr college, i really missed her (my bff). I again texted her and we became bonded again. we really love each other soooo much that i opposed with my mother and dont care at what she says as long as im with my bff. we we’re always joked by others as lesbians, but we refuse the idea and says we’re bffs. we say iloveyous at each other sooo often. over 20 times i think everyday. We really love each other so much, we get possesive at each other. By the way she’s at a different university as with me. But we always have time to hang out (every vacant classes or after class. She’s usually the one who goes at my university if i have vacant times. I introduced to her my ultimate crush at the university. He’s a guy. I like hil bcoz he’s at the same level as me. Very intelligent, a scholar like me and also the top 1 of their department, which i am also on our department. He never knows i admire him but only my friends. I really got stunned whenever he walks by or we’re at the same org. My bff usually get jealous whenever i talk about him to her. (Whats the point? We’re just bffs right? We’re not in a relationship.) The turning point on our friendship happened when 1 of my friends told me that she is liking my crush’s photos on facebook. I really got jealous, i dont know if it is with him or her. But i really got jealous i confronted her about it. She says she’s just liking the photo and says whats the use of facebook if she cant like his photos. I accepeted her alibis and she promised not to flirt with him. And she also said why would she flirt with him bcoz she knows i have an admiration at that guy. And she said, we would stop talking about him. So i did and trusted her. Bcoz she’s my bff, my love and i trust her soo much. And then 1 day it happened. I was at school having a quiz, she texted me. She has something to tell me and made me swear i wont get mad. I just said what is it. She told me that my crush is already courting her. So i asked her if she feels the same way too. She said no. So i told her, ” if you dont like him, you just can easily turn him down “. But she defended him, saying he is really persistent. Im not an idiot you know. I know she already likes him but does not admit the fact. So i told her to just spill it out. So she admiited that she already likes him. I was really hurt. That feels incredibly bad. Your bff, your love, the one you trusted so much betrayed you. You opposed your mother just for her. And here i was, crying at my room that time. Cant sleep for a week bcoz of what she did to me. And then i opened my fb, and found a picture of them dating ? Wtf ?!!!! Doesnt she mind about what i feel ?!!!! I blocked her at facebook, changed my number immediately. And then i found out that the day she told me he is courting her, they are already together that time. :'( She lied at me. I thought she’s the only person i can trust. And then she status kn facebook that i’ve been in a relationship with a girl. :'( coz i told her about my secret, that first girl relationship i had. That really feels bad. So i moved on with my life and told myself that mom is always right. Now, im inlove with a guy. He’s an exchange student from Norway, but we broke up already but i still love him. And he’s now back at norway. (By the way i live in the Philippines, the only christian country in asia). Even though im inlove with him, im still physically attracted with girls. Not my friends huh ? But i always read lesbian love stories and thats what i prefer reading. I love the way women love women. The way they make love at the story. Im not now attracted with any girls at my circle but i fantasize great celebrities like katy perry, angelina jolie (and when i found out she had a realtionship with Jenny in the past, i began to like her more), paris hilton, lindsay lohan, etc. Whenever i read lesbian stories, they’re the one i picture out. And lesbian stories really turn me on. So i wrote this because, my story is quite different than others who wrote here. Im really confused with myself. And im also afraid of coming out as a gay or bisexual coz i know my family and all people around me couldnt understand. My family(my uncles, aunts, grandmother, cousins) is a devoted catholic except for us (my mom, dad, me and my sister) who is a born again christian. And i know that my parents believe that being gay is a sin. :( And i also read that at the Bible myself. I dont know. Do others here had been in the same situation as me ? A born again Christian who is confused of her identity ?Ive been attracted to girls since i was in preschool and that would be my teachers. :) i also got attracted to boys that time but much more attracted with girls. When i was in elementary im already acting tomboyish, i like walking like a man,borrowing my guy cousin’s shirts and pants and that feels very good. That time im still attracted to my intern teachers, im like getting their numbers and texting or even calling them with my mom’s phone. That time i already admitted myself as a gay. But then i know my parents wont agree, you know my mom dont like gay people and my father is a devoted born again christian. at the age of 10, we transferred to a diff. town, usually very away from where i grew up and now very near at my father’s church. Nobody knows me there so i said i will hide my past. I started to like boys and im enjoying it. I dated many boys, had suitors. Until i met this girl, she’s 23 while im 13. she is at the same church as my father and that time also me. (When we transferred, i was converted from catholic to a born again christian). I really got affectionately attracted to her, and my mom sensed that, she called that girl and told her to not bother me anymore. and then she put me into grounded and got my cellphone. i moved on with my feelings even if it really hurts so much. i know deep inside i loved her but never wants to admit it and then putting a label that she was my best friend. when i was in high school i again began to date guys, fall inlove with them but i dont know if it was really love or puppy love but not as intense as what i felt with my first “bestfriend”. When i was 14, we decided to be back again at our hometown. I was placed in a private school. Again i hid at them that i like girls and bragged that i had a dozen of boyfriends (which is basically true) . And then i found out that one of my friends (a girl) in our group also had this bestfriend (which happens to be our school nurse) and i know what she feels is the same as what i felt at my first bestfriend. She has a boyfriend anyway but just for the sake of having one. We became close friends because we’re on the same group of friends. And on our last year on high school, this feeling of being attracted to girls haunted me again. And i felt it on her. When we’re at the classroom, we are seatmates and she would just lean on my shoulder and i again felt the shiver when she does that and before i found out, im already building an attraction for her. the same as what i felt with my first bestfriend. I texted her more often and we had a term of endearment to each other. She calls me cat, and i call her dog
    I forgot how we came acroos that term of endearment but i know jm the one who labeled it and i got that from the cartoon “catdog”. We would get jealous at each other, be possessive, but always label our relationships as BFFs. my mother again found this out, and she told me to stop seeing her bcoz it affects my studies. (Modesty aside, i am a very studious perspn since i started schooling) and my last year at highschool was a big challenge to me, coz my mom wants me to be the valedictorian and my grades started to fall that time, coz i cant concentrate on what im studying when my bestfriend and i were mad at each other (always bcoz of jealousy). And again, i followed my mom and i backed away at my bff and graduated as valedictorian. When we were already not speaking to each other at school, i knew this girl who is attracted to me. I took it as an.opportunity to move on with my bff. She courted me, and we became in a relationship but beyond the knowledge of other people. It’s basically the two of us who knows our relationship and some others who can be trusted. But this girl acted so possessive and i think she’s holding me up. She knew i had a great feeling at my bfg and always scares me that she will cut herself if i leave her. I dont really like our relationship. For me its just an expirement and i dobt really fell inlove with her, so i broke up with her. (Im in senior year that time and the girl is a freshmen student). When i was in my first yr college, i really missed her (my bff). I again texted her and we became bonded again. we really love each other soooo much that i opposed with my mother and dont care at what she says as long as im with my bff. we we’re always joked by others as lesbians, but we refuse the idea and says we’re bffs. we say iloveyous at each other sooo often. over 20 times i think everyday. We really love each other so much, we get possesive at each other. By the way she’s at a different university as with me. But we always have time to hang out (every vacant classes or after class. She’s usually the one who goes at my university if i have vacant times. I introduced to her my ultimate crush at the university. He’s a guy. I like hil bcoz he’s at the same level as me. Very intelligent, a scholar like me and also the top 1 of their department, which i am also on our department. He never knows i admire him but only my friends. I really got stunned whenever he walks by or we’re at the same org. My bff usually get jealous whenever i talk about him to her. (Whats the point? We’re just bffs right? We’re not in a relationship.) The turning point on our friendship happened when 1 of my friends told me that she is liking my crush’s photos on facebook. I really got jealous, i dont know if it is with him or her. But i really got jealous i confronted her about it. She says she’s just liking the photo and says whats the use of facebook if she cant like his photos. I accepeted her alibis and she promised not to flirt with him. And she also said why would she flirt with him bcoz she knows i have an admiration at that guy. And she said, we would stop talking about him. So i did and trusted her. Bcoz she’s my bff, my love and i trust her soo much. And then 1 day it happened. I was at school having a quiz, she texted me. She has something to tell me and made me swear i wont get mad. I just said what is it. She told me that my crush is already courting her. So i asked her if she feels the same way too. She said no. So i told her, ” if you dont like him, you just can easily turn him down “. But she defended him, saying he is really persistent. Im not an idiot you know. I know she already likes him but does not admit the fact. So i told her to just spill it out. So she admiited that she already likes him. I was really hurt. That feels incredibly bad. Your bff, your love, the one you trusted so much betrayed you. You opposed your mother just for her. And here i was, crying at my room that time. Cant sleep for a week bcoz of what she did to me. And then i opened my fb, and found a picture of them dating ? Wtf ?!!!! Doesnt she mind about what i feel ?!!!! I blocked her at facebook, changed my number immediately. And then i found out that the day she told me he is courting her, they are already together that time. :'( She lied at me. I thought she’s the only person i can trust. And then she status kn facebook that i’ve been in a relationship with a girl. :'( coz i told her about my secret, that first girl relationship i had. That really feels bad. So i moved on with my life and told myself that mom is always right. Now, im inlove with a guy. He’s an exchange student from Norway, but we broke up already but i still love him. And he’s now back at norway. (By the way i live in the Philippines, the only christian country in asia). Even though im inlove with him, im still physically attracted with girls. Not my friends huh ? But i always read lesbian love stories and thats what i prefer reading. I love the way women love women. The way they make love at the story. Im not now attracted with any girls at my circle but i fantasize great celebrities like katy perry, angelina jolie (and when i found out she had a realtionship with Jenny in the past, i began to like her more), paris hilton, lindsay lohan, etc. Whenever i read lesbian stories, they’re the one i picture out. And lesbian stories really turn me on. So i wrote this because, my story is quite different than others who wrote here. Im really confused with myself. And im also afraid of coming out as a gay or bisexual coz i know my family and all people around me couldnt understand. My family(my uncles, aunts, grandmother, cousins) is a devoted catholic except for us (my mom, dad, me and my sister) who is a born again christian. And i know that my parents believe that being gay is a sin. :( And i also read that at the Bible myself. I dont know. Do others here had been in the same situation as me ? A born again Christian who is confused of her identity ?

    • kin says

      we have almost same story.. i’m 20, 4th year in college.. i’ve been attracted with girls since elementary without telling it to anyone,..coz i don’t want to tease me by them as a lesbian… but in high school, i had so many crushes with boys and girls…. this college. i had a crush right now, she was my college architecture mate. i don’t like her before, because i’m so sarcastic and bitchy, i always snubbed her when every time she’s talking to me.. i just don’t like her before, coz i have my 2 bff and they’re only got my attention. seems like were real sisters.. i’m comfortable with them even they know that i’m a badgirl, wild, and naughty.. they accept me who i am.. and i love them so much, same with them, they loved me too. but when they started to transfer to another school, my life seems to be boring, i started from being alone, it’s not just easy to move on with a new life w/out them, i’m always feel upset and sad.. but i’ve realized, i should be grow up and strive, i’ve realized, i should stand up in my own, w/out them.. i’m still happy coz we still bff even they’ve moved in other university…. i’ve learned how to mingle with my other archi mates, even it’s not just easy but i tried.. until i found out that they’re few of my mates hates me a lot, they told me that i’m so noisy in the class, and always shouting, laughing out loud, saying bad words, being a naughty and wild etc. well i started to be careful with my words & actions just to please them.. you know it’s really hard for me to do that.. but i did.. at one time, i taking a picture of mine, and then my crush arrived late in our 1st subject, i’ve not yet crush on her that day.. she’s so haggard and stress… she seated beside me.. i also took a picture of her, stolen shot, when i browsed the phone, i saw her tear drop on her left eye, i wondered why.. i was shocked.. i shut my mouth from talking with other mates… i stopped talking a picture… i’m looking at her eyes, i felt pity on her, after our class.. i approached her & i asked her why she’s crying, she didn’t told me the reason. when i arrived home, i still thinking of her, it’s so weird… i thought that she’s mysterious girl. the next day i arrived early in the morning in school just to see her, i wanna ask her if she feels good.. i started to share some topics to her, i really enjoy doing that and also i got to know that her religion is a gehovas witness, i thought that why sometimes she’s better to go in a rum that no one is there. she wants a silence… whenever she’ll go, my eyes always following her.. i asked her permission to get her no. .. she agreed.. that day i already had a crush on her. I texted her more often even she’s not always responses in my text.. at one time, text her, i franked her, i told her that i’ve crush on her, she asked me why me? i’m not in good looking, i said: no, you’re so cute, i liked your eyes, and your smile, i’ve realized, your simple aura makes you pretty, so don’t say that u’r not pretty. she replied: really? thanyou :)… i’m so chilled.. heee…. i’m always wishing that she will text me first before me… i call her taba, coz she’s so thin lol, .. until now, even i moved to other university where my bff were there. i’m happy coz we were together again. but i confused…. hmmm…. sometimes when i’m alone, i’m thinking of her, i thought i really missed her, even i had only short bond with her.. now we’re seldom to text with each other.. coz she’s bussy on her thesis. and i understand her. i’m so obsessed to her… i really liked her.. at one time, text her, if i wer given a chance to go back in past, i’d rather had closed to you. so that until now, i’v got a fren someone like you, different from other people i met. maybe i can be a good girl it’s b’coz of you. she didn’t even reply my text. the whole day & nyt, i’m waiting for her reply.. she didn’t.. i was feel lost and sad that day… i don’t know if what she’s thinking on me.. but i don’t care, i’m just sharing my feelings and being honest to her. when everytime i’l go to her school, to visit some of my closed frens there, i want to see her also but i’m afraid and i’m shy to approach her. …so i did to snubbed her pretending that i didn’t saw her in my way… but it hurts me a lot, i missed to tease her, i want to embraced her very tight and whisper these words: “i missed you so much… i wanna be with you.. coz…. i loved you so much…” i know it’s weird to have this kind of intimate feelings… i don’t know if i can change this thoughts i have.. i guess i’m a bisexuall, i do fall in love with men.. but i do love girls… and i tend to fall when they’ve been too much attached to me, and when they’re so sweet to me.. :) i had many suitors before, and i had bf but i broke up him.. he became my crush coz i developed w/ him when everytime we plays table tennis. actually this is my new sports. i broke up him coz i’ve realized i really don’t love him. but we still frens.. now, i just want to forget my tomb feelings. so i’m flirting w/ other men.. but i still love her… how can i move on with this weird feelings? :( it messed up everything.

      • cutegirlslikeme says

        i think i like your personality, you have theguts for everything like teling her what you feel, my piece of advice is just give her time, maybe shes busy and doesn’t realize yet your feelings for her, in time when she saw you she might even think of everything you do for her, all the sweetness thing you made when you get closer to her that time, ,if your meant to be with other and in time she found out that shes in to you,, there you have it , shes with you i guess, gudluck!!

  123. Emily says

    I am 28 and finally after 2 straight marriages and 4 absolutly amazing kids…I’ve come to terms with myself and what i really want. I have outted myself and my dad even said “finally i knew for 13 years” so im trying out my first relationship with my girlfriend. So far its been great. With some little hiccups here and there. We have yet to be sexual because we are enjoying getting to know each other and our needs. I want to move it faster because of the excitement and the love i feel for her…but i think we are doing the right thing. Plus, i don’t want to scare her away or something. So i don’t exactly know what stage im at but im headed in the path i feel is the best. I do get nervous so easily though like sometimes i feel like im more in love than her. Is it normal to feel so nervous?

  124. Lisa says

    Im 15 years old and im not 100% sure that im bisexual or just gay… I do find some guys attractive but im not sure if im just telling myself that i do… I know that im extremely attracted to girls. I have been maybe my whole life but i recognized it maybe 2 years ago and about 6 months ago i finally ‘classified’ myself as a bisexual. But that doesnt feel right… Not about being gay or partially gay, just being bisexual…. Like being attracted to both genders i find that hard to process in my mind… I have no idea what step im at right now! A few people know about me but my parents dont. I know that they would be okay with it and except it but i want to be 100% sure of myself. I have kissed more than one girl before and it felt really good. But it feels the same way with some guys so im just very very confused on where im at on the ‘lesbian scale’ right now…. Anyone with advice please help! Thnx luv ya all!

    • flora says

      Hey Lisa :)
      The thing is that you don’t have to be 100% sure what* you are. In fact, assuming you’re a human, you don’t need to define yourself as a what at all. Just a wonderful old who**.

      Sometimes you might want to kiss boys, other times girls. You should want to have relationships with nice PEOPLE. If I asked you what you looked for in a relationship, I’d be a bit sad if you said ‘penis’, because, if you think about it, isn’t loving someone for their gender just tinsy bit really weird? By questioning your sexuality you’re being brave enough to find out who you really want, in stead of just assuming they have to have a penis attached :) so WOOOO GO YOU.

      Also, although these stages are fun, you don’t need to put yourself into one of them, just as you don’t need to put yourself into a sexuality box. You just need to live your life in your own stages, which won’t be identical to anyone else’s!

      *eg. gay, straight, bi, lesbian, pizza lover, politician, school kid, dog walker, astronaut, etc., etc.
      ** YOU.

  125. Sarah says

    I’m 14 and I actually don’t know if I’m either lesbian or straight or maybe both…but i have a feeling that I’m a lesbian because I feel uncomfortable to boys, and that I like girl’s more…but I have never ever dated,kissed and even had a first love so i don’t know XS …..and I’m afraid of telling this to someone who’s close to me because I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me….

    • Anonymous says

      Im in the exact same place as you. Other than im pretty sure i know that im bisexual…. Your not alone! I found that telling my best friend, someone that i really trusted, helped me so much through this!! In my life now a few people know and regardless of what they think they are excepting me and who i am. I really hope this helps and please keep in mind that no matter who you are attracted to, you are doing NOTHING wrong!!! Love yourself for who you are always and dont be afraid to say to yourself “hey, im gay!” I really hope this helped you! Luv ya and i hope that you find what you are looking for in life!

      • Sarah says

        Tnx for the advice :) I’m thinking of telling my best friend, but not my parents or family……their ummm….kinda against bisexual or gay people…….and that’s why I am also afraid of coming out of the closet….

        • Ayana says

          Hi Sarah! I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I went through a similar thing, were I was trying so hard to classify myself, but nothing really seemed to fit. You don’t need to label yourself or identify with any sort of sexual orientation. Life isn’t about being gay, straight, bi, or what ever. I suggest being happy, and if you find someone to be happy with good for you (whether it’s a girl or boy). And about the family thing, just wait for the right time. I know when I first told my family they weren’t ready to march through the pride festival with me, but eventually they let me know that they love me no matter what, and that all they want for me is to be happy. I hope everything works out. God Bless.

        • Anonymous says

          I think my mom is against it, but my dad would love me anyway. I’m bi, but i’m scared to come out because a lot of my friends are conservative right wing people and i don’t know if they’d accept it. I really love this girl, and we’re really close friends, but i think she’s straight, and so i don’t want to tell anyone. Its just really confusing.

  126. Auna says

    I guess I would have to say I’m between 1-2. I have recently been questioning myself, because I’m sixteen and have never been interested in dating, or had a crush on a guy. I have always been pretty uncomfortable around guys, and only have one or two guys friends, both of whom are in relationships or like some of my close friends. But last year, I met this girl. She’s a year older than me, and I just found myself noticing everything about her. Her eyes, her smile, her perfume, and the way she’s the most genuinely kind person I know. The more I get to know her, the more I realize how much we have in common. Her policy on dating is exactly the same thing I’ve always told people (I just haven’t met a guy I wanted to date, I don’t have time, it seems like too much trouble, ect.) and she’s only kissed a guy once, and she says she wishes she hadn’t and it shouldn’t really count, because she was in 7th grade. I just love talking to her, and being around her, she’s the person I go to when I have a bad day because she’s always happy and can always make me feel better.
    I guess I’m just wondering if there’s someone out there who can say that something likethat could be reason to question my sexuality. I don’t have a problem with it, but I’ve always been someone who likes to be sure about things. The only other thing I’m worried about is my family. I grew up in a kind of relaxed, but conservative Roman Catholic home, and am not sure how they would react. I think my parents would love me no matter what, but might think it’s something I’m saying to get back at them for not being attentive enough parents. If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it, and thanks for taking the time to read my story.

    • Kai says

      I came from the same type of home as you! Roman Catholic, but not exactly a bible-thumping type of family. My parents were kind of bewildered when I told them at first, and scared for me, scared of the prejudice and challenges I might have to face, and they didn’t know what to expect from a same-sex relationship. I think they just felt kind of helpless, like they couldn’t do anything to help me if I got into trouble. They may have even thought it was a phase. But over the last few years, they have become really pro gay rights, marriage rights, adoptive rights, the whole shebang, and my mother in particular has accepted my being gay from the viewpoint of her faith. She believes now that any love I feel comes from God, and she’s excited for me. There are a lot of horror stories out there about kids being completely betrayed by their parents after coming out to them–I have a male friend going through it right now. But you seem to be in a good place with your parents, and if you ever feel the need to come out to them, you might be okay doing so. Just remember that it can always be a little stormy at first, but it sounds like you’re confident that they will accept you at length. Just keep your chin up, and remember there are communities like this one that will always be there to cheer you on!

      • Auna says

        Thank you for the advice! I guess the hardest part is that I’m not sure how to be sure, and that’s what I really want. I want to know how to be as happy as I can be, accept myself, and live my life the best way I can. And if you don’t mind, I guess I would like to ask how you knew, and how you told yiur friends and family? Since you come from the same sort of background and it isn’t exactly something I can ask just anyone.

  127. Kat says

    I’m 23 and I guess I’m between steps 1 and 2. I’ve only really started to seriously consider my sexuality in the past few months and it’s been a difficult and stressful time. Growing up I can remember having “crushes” on girls, but I think these were more girls that I admired and that I either wanted to be around them or be them, I never wanted to be WITH them. When I was 16-17 I became close friends with a girl who I was pretty sure was a lesbian and had a crush on me (she’s since come out as a lesbian) and I felt excited by our relationship and liked being around her, but I was never physically attracted to her. I’ve also always been a bit of a tomboy and naturally a lot of people would joke/assume I was a lesbian, and I always felt the need to dress/act differently almost to convince them (and possibly myself) that i wasn’t. I’ve had crushes on guys but I’ve had only a few sexual encounters with guys, none of which have been great. I’ve never been romantically involved with a woman.
    I get crushes on both males and females, although they are rarely particularly physical attractions (especially female crushes) and definitely more to do with personality, humour and how people carry themselves. Looks do tend to come into it more with guys for me though, I don’t find a generic female body attractive, but in the same way I don’t really find the male body all that attractive, it’s more the person who’s in it.
    I know that the majority of my friends and my siblings would be supportive if I “came out” as anything other than 100% straight, but my very religious parents would definitely not be. I don’t know if they would just never come to terms with that aspect of me or if they would completely cut me off, but I’m afraid it could be the latter. Which is why I wouldn’t consider telling them until I absolutely knew for sure/was in a relationship.
    I basically have for the past few weeks tried to define myself in my head and I know that it will take more time for me to really understand who I am and who I am attracted to but I just feel that every day that I’m not clear in my head about who I am, the more time I’m wasting embracing that life and being comfortable in my own skin. I jump between putting pressure on myself to go out and kiss a girl and find out how I feel about it as soon as possible, and relaxing and seeing what path my life takes (I just worry that by doing this I’m really just hoping that I’ll find a guy I love and never have to really deal with these other feelings, which I wouldn’t want to get 10 years down the line and realise I was suppressing and I’m actually gay).
    I’m clearly still pretty confused about it all, but I’m hoping that writing it down will help me on the way to making sense of it and possibly talking to people about it.

    • A says

      Oh my god…so much of what you’ve felt and what you’re feeling..I’ve felt the same way about. We could be the same person, except for the fact that I’m 5 years younger than you haha. Though, after recently being recklessly thrown back into confusion, I’ve finally decided to just give up on trying to figure out whether or not I’m gay. I’ll find out in due time..hopefully. haha

      • Kat says

        Well it’s good to know there are other people out there who feel the same way, it can feel like a really lonely experience that nobody else can understand. I’d say you’ve got the right idea, I’m trying my best to do the same. Hope things get clearer for you soon, you’re 5 years ahead of me already ;)

      • Kat says

        Sorry, were you asking me where I’m from? (Our names being the same made me think I might have asked that when I was drunk… ;p) Either way, I’m from Edinburgh, Scotland.

  128. Anna says

    im 15 and im sure that im a lesbian since im 7. now i dont know how i can meet other
    young girls in my age. Iooked on the internet but therer are only communities where adults are.
    if you know something : msg me

    • Becki says

      I’m 15 and I’m in the exact same position as you, there seems to be loads of stuff for adults and nothing for teens! There are no communities for lesbians or gays where I live at all and I only know a handful of lesbians my age and half of them are in relationships.

      • Burstingmybubble says

        Hey, If your looking for an awesome youth community online, you should try the Queer Youth Network (QYN). I was in a similar position to you, and now things have got easier thanks to this site! You should try it out :) I’m nearly 15, and I’m called Burtsingmybubble on qyn.

  129. Laurence says

    I’m between stage 2 and 3. My biggest problem is that I know I am a lesbian but I’m 42 years old and had no sexual relation for the last 3 years. I’ve never even kissed a girl. I feel too old and “virgin” again, too scared to go for it.
    Any advise?

    • mayra says

      Dont say is too late It’s never too late. I was even married but deep inside I LOVED WOMEN… i suffred now Im out have a wonderful partner couldn’t ask for more:) Go FOR IT!!!!!

  130. eternally confused says

    I can only orgasm when i’m watching women have sex. I have had sex with way too many guys hoping I could climax with just one of them. Never happened. Why is it so hard to just admit i’m a lesbian? I hate this feeling its always the same all these years I just can’t bring myself to admit it inside. I’m probably always going to screw guys hoping it will fix me I know it won’t….I hate myself

    • Lisa says

      Pleas dont hate yourself for what you are feeling! If your having trouble, its natural and i think everyone goes through it at some point in their lives. Its a hard thing to go through. Maybe try talking to someone that you really trust, like a best friend or maybe even a parent. My best friend has helped me so much in my situation, i couldnt even imagine going through this without her! I really hope that you find yourself soon :) just remember that being gay isnt a bad thing, you are doing absolutely NOTHING wrong and dont be afraid to tell yourself that. It helped me alot to think that im not broken, im just a little different then some people and its okay! Luv ya and i hope that i helped you! :)

    • Jayne says

      I know that feeling far to well. I’ve only had sex with a couple of woman but I have only had boyfriends. I don’t climax in the sex but would if they go down on me (imagining something else) I need to get around this too, we need to feel confident in our own skin! chin up girly :)

    • Freya says

      Yeah do not hate yourself. I have been going through the exact same thing. I get guys easily, have dated a lot of men (I’m no slag though) and I get so irritated and bored easily with all of them. When I have sex with a guy I picture a woman doing it, it takes me sooo long to climax (I have never climaxed during actual sex, only through oral etc) as I know it’s a guy there but I’m wishing for a woman. I’ve started to back off from men recently and have a real think about what I want. Part of my brain tells me nah you want a man but the rest of me is telling me I want a woman. Confused to the max.

  131. K.L. says

    I can really identify with the avoidance section. I’m glad that you brought up that some people don’t go through that phase and that some people do. I think I always that I was attracted to women, but I didn’t come out until I was around 25. I have dated a few “gold stars” that have made me feel “less gay” because they didn’t experience the avoidance stage in the same manner in which I did. I grew up in a small, southern, rural, conservative, and religious family. I was expected to look and behave a certain way. I never felt that I had the opportunity, than many “butch” women have, to ease their families into the idea that they are gay. I went from “But I’m a Cheerleader” to flying out of the closet and never looking back! It’s different for everyone and we can’t judge each other because our experiences don’t parallel one another. Few people talk about the unique difficulties of being a femme and coming out. Perhaps it’s just because it was my personal experience, but I think it’s important to recognize that while we face a different set of challenges, ultimately it’s the same struggle. Excellent article. Thanks!

  132. Lara says

    This article is amazing!!! Still at the acknowledgement phase but I’m starting to feel pretty good about it :) It’s weird how I never even knew I was lying to myself until I considered that I could be gay and realised it! This part is my LIFE i don’t think I’ve ever read something so accurate “It can be overwhelming. For some gals, this can be a pretty heavy emotional breaking point in terms of coming in touch with who they really are. But once you break through, you’ll be amazed at the calm that washes over you. ”
    I WAS AMAZED at the calm that washed over me after I told my first friend :) So happy now

  133. Str8 Ally says

    5 stages is a cool way to explain it.
    I wouldn’t change anything for the world, I have great sons and lots of happy years.
    But, here’s my deal, 2 years ago, my wife of 25 years told me she was a lesbian. She went through her stages [probably didn’t think of them as stages]. She was at stage 4 at that point. And now, I’m single at almost 50 and trying to figure out life for me.
    I read one post from a young woman who is “in love” with her man, but still likes girls and he’s ok. I hope y’all can work that out. It can be a long life and it is easy for jealousy and other allegiances to sneak in there.
    Know this folks. I support people being who they are. But on the other side of the street, as you go through stages be kind to people around you. Some of us care for you deeply and might get hurt as you reach Awesome.

  134. Eve says

    I’ll be 28 this year, far older than I would have liked to begin exploring this part of myself. I’ve known I am bisexual since I was 10. It was confusing and when I went to tell my mother she reacted so painfully ashamed that I just pulled it off as a joke. I have my best friend and boyfriend whom I have two kids with. But there is not the passion there should be, I mostly feel apathetic around him..we have a peaceful coexistance going on, but we can both tell some things need to change. It was actually he who suggested that once I got passed any denials, I would probably see that I am in fact a lesbian. I’m not positive whatI’ll be doing with that thought, but at least I have known my personal lines arent set in straight lines…..I see myself more into swirls and curls anyway.

  135. Lizbeth R says

    You see ever since 7th grade there was this one girl that just caught my eye and since ever she never left my mind. I’m now a Senior and you can say that I’m head over heals for her. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve dated this one guy once, although he may be nice I always hated his hugs or when we held hands. I just didn’t feel the spark in our relationship, I was never happy in the relationship but him. However every time I think of me and her being together I just can’t help but smile. But then my mind’s always saying that I’m straight and I that I don’t like girls. I want to do something! But I just don’t know how.. Help?

  136. jay says

    So I’m a 13 stud turning 14 in a few days and I’m already at the awesome stage when I see a girl I want I go after her !! Like is this normal I mean I’ve acknowledged I’m lesbian and accepted it… I just love being who I am !! ( :

  137. Rachel says

    Hiya, I am 14 and I fist started to think I was lesbian when I got my first boyfriend. It felt weird him holding my hand and I hated him when he tried to hug me in public. So I started to ask myself why…….. If I’m being truthful to you guys I started to look for pics and etc
    Of ummm women porn and it didt do anything for me. I am Gay and I only have told my bbf and my ex and a couple of friends. It’s really hard to deal with this and I think one day because of my parents I won’t ever come out.. Maybe I will just force myself into a marriage..

  138. (13-14) says

    My mom accepted that I feel this way and all my friends know about it some of them are bi to but I need to be able to experience way a girl and girl realationship is like I am 12 turning 13 soon and I’m looking for a relationship I live I’m Ohio and my name is Queenie

  139. Miriam says

    My best friend is lesbian, she has come out to a few close friends as well as her parents and some siblings. The thing is, she’s kind of stuck in a town with people she’s not comfortable sharing her true self with, and it’s really messing up her own journey of accepting who she is. And now she’s met this guy who she really clicks with, they’ve become really good friends really fast and it’s quite obvious that he likes her, even though he knows she’s gay and has stated he’s okay with just being friends. The past couple of weeks this has really bothered her and it takes up the majority of our conversations. They’re very touchy-feely with each other and she admits to liking him a lot, but not being attracted to him or wanting him in that way. But she keeps saying that it would be so much easier if she did, almost wishing that she would feel about him the way she feels about girls. Not sure if it’s because he’s such a wonderful person, or because he’s a guy. Or both. The thing is we talk about it over and over again, and I just have no more advice to give, I don’t know what to say. I understand that it more than sucks to not being able to be who you are, not having the same rights and being seen as less because of who you love. And I can understand that she, as a person still struggling with accepting herself, would wish that life was easier and that she wouldn’t have to go through all of this. But I just don’t know what more to say to her. It sucks not being able to cheer her up and to have the answer to all of her questions and struggles. It doesn’t help trying to encouraging her, saying that it won’t always be as crappy as it is now, that’ll she’ll get out of here and meet lots of people who she can be herself with, that it will get better, and easier, with time. Nothing helps, she just keeps bringing this guy up over and over again. And it doesn’t feel like just listening and being there is helping very much, it feels as if she’s turning to me for help. And since she can’t talk about this with very many people, and neither can I, it’s kind of difficult to make the situation better. Does anyone have any idea of what to do?

    • Hayley says

      Darling, my question for both you girls would be: why put a label on things?
      Over time, it is only nature for a young women’s attitude, beliefs and values to evolve and change. Sexuality, is something that flows… She may be gay, she might be bisexual and there is no need to label yourself as a “gay” or a “lesbian” at a young age. You are still growing and I can understand how confusing that is.
      This guy seems to have feelings for her. Remember that boy’s mature slower than girls, he is not really thinking about how his actions are affecting her.

      My advise to you would to just be a supportive friend and just be there for her.
      At the end of the day, all you should be concerned about is making sure she is happy. This would be a confusing time for your friend so, just manage the best way you can :)
      The world needs more caring and lovely friends like you.

      Peace and love,

  140. Anna says

    Hm. I am not sure how to start this, so I’ll just go with an introduction. My name is Anna, I am 13 as of June fifth (however, I have been told that my mindset and appearance are a bit ahead… I agree with this.), and there’s some crazy stuff going on. I act as a stereotype Tomboy, as in, no pink, no dresses, etc. I prefer jeans and a T-shirt or my school uniform. (Leading into out next topic!) I go to a private Catholic school; there are only seven students in my class counting myself. So, I must ride the nearby public school bus to school each day. When I was in the late period of twelve years old, an odd thought hit me while I was on the bus. I felt a hint of… Attraction… To a female named Sam. I immediately dismissed this thought and attempted to find its origin with no success. Then it came again… And again… And again until school ended a few months later. Going into the past, say, the middle of the year, a friend of mine called me a lesbian for no reason whatsoever. Of course it was in a joking manner, as she had no knowledge to back this claim up. Even the other females looked confused. YET, this comment got me to thinking again. I haven’t seen any other females personally this summer (with the exception of a birthday/sleepover in which I had lost my voice), and I am becoming concerned. I’m not attracted to males… ish… I tend to dislike females “obsessing” over certain males, but I have felt LITTLE attraction to them, but the amount of new females for me to “test” is small. This is haunting me and my left-brained nature. I’ve researched lesbians and their ways but I can’t figure it out. I’m sure most people would say “Don’t worry yourself too much,” or something along those lines, but I can’t help it! I’m weird… Anyone who has comments on this, please be my guest.

    • Anna says

      I am in the worst situation ever. I am a student of the holy Bible, and it strictly forbids unnatural use of the body from what created sex for. I said that to show you how hard it is for me to admit it, but I have been obsessed with girls since age 10. I grew up with naked or bikinied clad women all over the place by my dad, I never did get turned on by my husband without fantasizing about doing a woman.
      Then that husband took me to a porno movie, and I was so content as I looked at all the sexy women., I was 21 at the time. I somehow thought of my children, and dropped the desires, repressed inside. In 2007, I had been talking to a female therapist. She said by dreaming I was making out with a woman, was that I was beginning to accept my female sexual sensitiveness, and not to worry..I have inwardly admitted, I do not want another man after 3 husbands and several boyfriends. Hang in there, Talk to me anytime. I am right where you are. Only women turn me on, certain few. I am weird too. So afraid of what people I would lose, and who would stay. Maybe we can do this together.

      • sandra says

        I wrote the second Anna post, I thought I was answering her. Sorry Anna.

        I am at a crossroad in my life. I don’t know how to contact a female lesbian to be with. No one has approached me,
        Please how do I go against traditional standards. It is private for now, except for this page. I have really short hair, too much boob for men, A gut that is not attractive, to me. I need some support. Help!

      • Solara says

        19 years old

        I am in True Deep love with my bf and he is in True Deep love with me, plain and simply put we are the truest couple that will last further than thee end of time.
        Now that i got that outa the way… I love only 1 Man and that is my bf (not married whhhooole different story) we have a son together and are happier than we have ever been, of course i didn’t know what to expect but we got pregnant on purpose and i was 17 at the time. :) i knew i didn’t want to go to college wasn’t for me, either of us. i am happier than i have ever been being a mother :)
        and now my son is almost a year old lol.
        So here it is, i love only 1 Man and that is my Bf, but……..then…… it comes……….. and …….. i like girls. so let me say that again. i love my Man, and i like girls………And he knows. and is perfectly okay with it. he says “if that’s you then your going to be you but if you liked another guy that would be bad” (gah hes so perfect)
        I’ve never dated a girl. never kissed or had any sexual experience with a female. lol ( unfortunately…lol nah… gah this is confusing..)
        But check this out. HE and MY REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS ((which are my only friends all i need))( which is very few, 4 people, which oddly enough all have had thoughts of liking the same sex and one is actually gay)
        my friends and my bf. only ones that know i love my bf and like girls im emphasizing on this because the difference between LOVE and LIKE.
        tonight i was told something that was kept from me. it was disappointing to know this. i was told that my fricking BF’S MOM FOUND OUT….. (she comes off as a sneaky keep thoughts to herself/can be fake at times very judgmental and keeps it to herself and always in her sons frickin BUSINESS…..i love her to death… but shes like the worst person to know….no not really but its pretty bad, to also add that i haven’t know so i see her often and she knew and i didn’t know she knew…..that ticks me off…… and shes the fuckin kind of person to tell (call) your mom and tell her with out telling you she did it and all that type of bullshit… so now here i am conscious of her awareness… i’m still gonna act the same…. but i don’t know if i should stop her and tell her not to tell my mom…. or if hoping it doesn’t happen and taking the chance… and if it does…. i’m screwed…my whole damn family is gonna know…and that’s way to deep of subject to explain… what should i do!!!!?????

  141. ellie says

    reading other people’s stories is helping me, so i’ll share mine too. i’ve dated boys my entire life. that has been the most confusing part about figuring out my sexuality. i’ve had sex with a couple of them, long-term relationships, everything. but on the other hand, my heart was never in it. the sex… totally forgettable. and my first time with any guy was him asking incredulously, “can we have sex yet? its been a year!!!” and me saying, “i guess…”
    i was with one man who i genuinely loved, and i still viewed him as my best friend more than anything else.
    all of this traces back to when i was 17 (im 23 now). there was this girl who came to my school, Savannah. from the moment i met her we had a crazy connection. i found myself checking her out whenever she walked away, or stood near me. we started exchanging notes. then little slips of paper with song titles on them, which we’d research later and dissect every lyric for insinuations. we chatted online. we created our own world. it was a whirlwind. then one night, i kissed her. it felt odd, but i liked it. then my mom found out.
    i live in the bible belt yall. she checked me out of school just to send me to my room for the weekend. she almost threw me down on our lawn. and since then my sexuality has been 100% repressed. i’m just now tapping in to it. even now, the thought of coming out to my mother fills me with anxiety.

    so any girl who is 13, 14…you don’t have to figure it all out right now. youth is all about following your heart. if you get in your head too fast then you’ll end up like me (pretty sure i’m in step 2). but chances are if you’re under 15 on here, you’re at least bisexual. a true straight girl wouldn’t even think to read this article.

    love you ladies :)

  142. Anonymous says

    I am fairly young right now and I think I may be bisexual but I’m thinking I may be simply bicurious. I am emotionally attracted to guys but emotionally attracted and physically attracted to girls. I go to a Christian school and it is pretty fundamental. (Not everyone, but here’s a small example. I was talking to my friend about how there isn’t anything wrong with being gay. She then said “yeah, I guess it’s ok to be gay, it’s just not normal.” And that ticked me off. Back to the topic.) so I would find it difficult to find anyone who would like me back or anyone I could come out to. And I would feel strange talking to my parents about it. It may be a phase but I can’t be sure yet. I am so young after all and I still need to discover who I really am. Gay, bi, straight, I am who I am and I will always be. And if people can’t accept me then so be it.

  143. Bella says

    I’ve known that I am attracted to girls since the age of 8. When I was 13, I fell hard for a girl and was too nervous to let anyone know. To make it short, we didn’t work out because she couldn’t accept herself as being lesbian. When I was 15, I came out to my best friends and was laughed at because they already had a feeling. Slowly, I came out to more people, answered any questions if someone asked, and became openly gay. But, now I’m 17 and I haven’t kissed a girl, I am very intimidated by them, and haven’t dated in a year. It’s making me question my sexuality. Then I think, is it partly because no one in high school really attracts me? I don’t know.

    • Solara says

      Bella Your Soul will always be your soul, easier said than experienced but true to yourself and honest feelings with others and yourself. The’re are no mistakes, whatever your doing now is what your supposed to be doing. Whatever is happening to you now is what is supposed to be happening. You are in the right. Good intentions towards everything you do, it even comes down to cooking your food with with positive intent, you will always be in the right place no matter what the situation or emotional battle you may be swimming through.

      Love to all.

  144. Lindsay says

    So I’m 15 and I know I’m a lesbian, and I’ve told my two best friends and they’ve been very supportive of me. It kind of scares me though at times that I am gay, mostly because I’m a really shy person and my mom isn’t really supportive of gay people. I haven’t told her because of that reason, but also my school is very judgmental and I’m already bullied anyway I don’t want to be bullied even more for being gay. I need some advice, someone help me.

    • Solara says

      People who bully are in the dark they know not what they do. They don’t understand themselves so how would they know how to understand anyone, its actually them who needs the help, and this can only be achieved through time and experience. Fear not what people do or think of you, But love them and understand that they are confused as what to believe is right or wrong. We are of all the same no one better than another. We come from the same painting of life. but we are of a subset of the whole picture. Be yourself and always live in good intentions and you will never be misled, you are where you are supposed to be if you do everything out of positive intent. Shine your light in the darkest of places.

      Love to all

  145. Kym says

    I think I went through the first three stages in about two weeks. Lol I came out just this year and I’m pretty accepting of it now, even though I initially realized it long before I started telling people.
    I’m probably in stage four right now.. Lol :3

  146. Anonymous says

    I am also confused. I have never dated a guy. I think I like girls because they are more supportive and fun to be around. I need help, guidance. I don’t know what to do.

  147. Skylar says

    I agree with most of the steps but some take a lot longer than others. I knew I liked girls in Elementary but I never fessed up to it till my senior year then I regressed and avoided the fact until I graduated then I started dating girls in college then when my parents caught on I ended up back stepping and marrying a Man then I came out to my parents after 5 years. I just haven’t gotten all the way to Awesome yet and i’m almost 30. I have had some serious Lesbian relationships but I always seem to get dragged down.

  148. Anonymous says

    im also 13 yrs old when i fell inlove in a grl i am certain that my feeling for her is not ordnary.i thnk u should just go with d flow and let time tell

  149. AIPChristina says

    I gotta say that stage 5 is certainly awesome. Now I am still attracted to guys, so I’m technically bi, but I am really into other women. I will say it is a bit hard living the lifestyle in West Michigan, very conservative area, but I figured it out a long time ago that it is better to just live your life and say “fuck it” when it comes to what others think.

  150. Liz says

    I’m going on 17 and it is really hard to be hit with all these thoughts through high school, I dated 3 boys that I liked but there really wasn’t a spark, then I started feeling for a girl when I was in year 11 so I was all of 15, I then had my first girlfriend and was happier than I ever had been in a relationship, she dumped me in the end to be with some guy and it really messed me up, I never hurt so much over a relationship. Then my feelings for girls started being stronger and I just wanted to keep thinking I was Bi when I wasn’t, Over the last 2 months I have only just started admitting to myself that its more than just Bi and that I am a Lesbian because the thought of being with a guy or being near a guy puts me off and I want nothing to do with it. I now acknowledge that I am a lesbian and some of my closest friends know and said that they figured it out before I did, I apparently just started glazing over when they started talking about boy’s and who they liked, but I also thought back to something I did when I was little or thought when I was little and really wished I figured it out sonner. It is really hard with all this in high school, allot of people don’t accept it or start rumours and all that crap but at least I’m happier with myself for finally admitting it, but you do feel very alone because not many people my age will come out.

  151. Anonymous 23 says

    I am 23 yr old and recently admitted to myself that I felt attracted to women. I am still unsure how I feel, as I never really have been in a relationship with a guy or a girl. Up until this point I thought I was straight , but always knew in the back of my mind when I thought a woman was pretty, it was more of an attraction, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am now question if the boy ” crushes” I had in high school were because my friends had crushes so I just picked someone to crush on to fit in. The only person I ever wanted to kiss was a girl I met when I went off to college, but I just dismissed that feeling and ignored it. Now that I admitted it to myself, I tried online dating to meet like minded people make friends, have a support group. I met this person who I really connect with, but she is emotionally unavailable right now (just broke up with a ex she was in a serious relationship with). We haven’t spoken to eachother by phone yet, just via text message, and IM online. She is all I think about and I am starting to go crazy. What if I am wrong about myself ? I don’t want to hurt someone, esp her. She wants to take it slow and be friends first but I can already tell we have potential to be more. Am I doing the right thing?

    • girlsarecuteasme says

      funny huh, were almost the same,, i think your doing it right, just wait until she moved on with her past relationship, try to understand her,, then just wait for the time she will be in to you but dont stop on trying and connecting with her, i think shes really hot that’s why your acting that way, ,,funny huh im also 23 years old by the way , and doesn’t have any relationship so far, and i found myself boring ,,people say, they dont believe i never had one,, hahah,, but its true maybe im also confused cause im attracted to girls,, and shy to let go my feelings to girls i like,, , just tell your feelings to her because she already know your lesbian you have a chance of getting her in to you, :))

  152. Anonymous says

    I am completely confused. I don’t know, i have never fancied a girl i think, and i really can’t imagine fancying a girl, i think i’d have to force myself to fancy one in order to experiment, but being with a girl seems more like a fantasy. I think i am more sexually attracted to girls, because they are beautiful because of their body and prettiness, but more emotionally attracted to boys. I have been with boys in the past and done stuff with them mostly when i am drunk and created an impression of being straight, and felt guilty like i was lying to them, because i always worry about other people. The thing is I will really fancy a boy then do stuff with them and it not feel as great as I expected it to and it will always be in the back of my mind when i am doing stuff. It still feels good, but I think not as good as it would with a girl. My ex boyfriend is trying to help me through as i had to tell him because i couldn’t keep it from it anymore, so he has helped me a lot. However, I can’t stop worrying about it, i wake up every day feeling guilty like i am betraying everyone and feeling sick with fear. I just don’t know if I am just a bi-sexual who is more attracted to girls or a lesbian. Just need some advice to put my mind at ease.. Thank you :)

    • DazedandConfused? says

      Hey! I am totally getting where you’re coming from! I’ve been tossing and turning with this too for a couple of years (and you bet your as I’ve been going through the same thing- expectations for straight sex to be good but it does not turn out that way). I’m so confused right now. I know this sounds stupid, but I was watching “But I”m A Cheerleader” and the scene where she admitted to being a homosexual hit me. I don’t know if I’m just going through a phase or something… I’m also dating a guy right now and it’s like my other boyfriends… It feels like a friendship-and-then-some: not a relationship. Have things gotten better for you? What made you decide to go on this blog?

  153. Shannon says

    Reporting this because I need a better response.

    So I’m 13 and am in 7th grade. Lately, my friends have been joking around about me being lesbian(They have no idea it might be true. They’re just joking) and I am beginning to feel attracted to a girl in 8th grade. I don’t know if Im lesbian, bisexual, or just bicurious. Ever since my friends have started joking about that, I’ve been acting strange and they know something’s up. I don’t know whether I should tell them how I’m feeling because I have no idea what my sexual orientation is or that I should tell them I’m confused. I just don’t want a label on me because I’m only 13. What should I do?

    • Solara says

      You will know what friend to tell, what friend is Truly your friend and will accept you no matter what you do. If you feel that you need to tell someone, take that first step. And if done out of Good intentions… then all will turn out how it is meant.
      Always be you,
      An experience in your life will emerge and you will begin to realize who you really are.
      You will experience this. You will go throught time to get there
      And you will know what i mean Right when it happens

      Love to all

  154. Mary says

    I am in a really confusing moment. i realised I was a lesbian a year ago but but until 3 months ago I was avoiding that kind of thoughts. Then I started looking for lesbian comunities because I wanted to know If it was a phase or not. Then I met a really cute girl and it was at that time when I decided to tell my best friend that I though i might be gay. At that time I was pretty sure about my sexual orientation so I wanted to tell everyone.
    However, few days ago I went out from the closet and I told to a few more friends that I was lesbian ( typical of my compulsive behaviour). The thing is that I like the girl and as I’ve come out to some more people I wanted to come out to my parents but I don’t know why I am not sure of my sexuality anymore… I know it might sound really messed up… but I don’t know what to do…

  155. Anonymous (15) says

    I’m at a confused stage, I’ve only just recently started getting feelings for this girl who is a open lesbian herself and has told me she has had a crush on me, I’ve started thinking about her all the time wanting to ask her out and I worry about her. I don’t know if its just because we are friends or because I like her. I’ve imagined myself kissing her. And I don’t really find boys attractive at all to be honest I’ve been out with one boy who was disgusting. When I go to school I can’t wait to see her. I really don’t know ? Does it sound like I could be a lesbian?

    • raven says

      In my own opinion.,and based on my experience,its not usual or ordinary that a girl,.thinking other girl,the way she could think a guy or her crush.i experiencing exactly the kind of situation too..maybe that time im confused with my self or just too scared to admit that im a lesbian..but now after struggling to myself i follow my heart,i know now where my happiness is,love comes in diff form.the only thing that i want you to share with you,as long as your happy as long as ur not hurting any one,Go for it!

      • Anonymous (15) says

        The girl I’ve started liking has said she likes me a lot and I really thought I might be a lesbian but I told my mum what she said, and she told me to say I’m flattered but I’m not gay, when I think I could be what do I do? I’ve never felt like this before and never really care about relationships until now.

  156. Irritated girl 18 says

    Hi, I’m Rosy n i’m confused about my sexuality.
    i never dated a girl before, but i like to try it.. i had a number of boyfriends n i never doubted that i couldn’t be straight.
    well the point is now i do…. i met this girl n i know she’s lesbian. n i think she’s really cute but unfortunately she’s in a relation now. we never dated or sth.
    but after i met her i’m constantly thinking of being together with a girl. i’m not talking about a specific girl. i just like to know if i am a lesbian or bi? its so confusing. i liked boys before n i think i still like them. i just think i might be happier with a girl.
    i don’t want to live a lie. oh gosh i really don’t know what’s going on with me. n i don’t think it’s a phase.

    well i would be really happy to hear some advice or sth. thanks :)

  157. Sonia says

    so I’m 18 and i just got out of a long term relationship with my first girlfriend, before her i had only dated guys. now that we’ve been broken up i find myself looking at other girls and i know i like girls but i still find guys attractive. i have already accepted the fact that i am bisexual but i know I’m more interested in girls, does that make me full lesbian or just bisexual? just want to hear some feedback (:

  158. Shannon says

    So I’m 13 and am in 7th grade. Lately, my friends have been joking around about me being lesbian(They have no idea it might be true. They’re just joking) and I am beginning to feel attracted to a girl in 8th grade. I don’t know if Im lesbian, bisexual, or just bicurious. Ever since my friends have started joking about that, I’ve been acting strange and they know something’s up. I don’t know whether I should tell them how I’m feeling because I have no idea what my sexual orientation is or that I should tell them I’m confused. I just don’t want a label on me because I’m only 13. What should I do?

    • Anonymous says

      Follow your heart an feelings. It sucks hiding it and holding it in until you are older, but be careful coming out to friends at that age. Girls can be mean…

      • Shannon says

        I know they can, and that’s what Im scared of. If I do come out and it spreads to the wrong person, my life will be a living hell.

  159. Jenna says

    I don’t know if I’m a lesbian yet, but my mom is sooo against it and I don’t have the will to tell anyone what I’m thinking or feeling. I’m 14 and there’s a girl in my class that whenever I see her I get shy. And shes just so gorgeous to me I don’t know how to Long I can be unsure for. It’s confusing and I’m scared

    • Sara says

      Oh god, im in the same trouble. Im a lesbian and never been attracted to guys, personally i find they’re bodies to be weird. But its the opposite for girls, i love them. No big deal, there are others like me. But im young and only 3 people know; my cousin and two of my best freinds. One of my freinds is the problem. I love her. And like i always have done since we were 3 but last year my feelings for her became more apparent and i got really confused and i was until just a few months ago where i talked it all out with my other freind. My advice for you, talk to someone. Its the best way to get it out and to find out who you are yourself

    • Anonymous says

      im like that to, 14 gay and i havea a huge crush on somone. i first told a close cousin of mine before my parents

    • Anonymous says

      I have the same problem. I never had this problem before and I’m a very bubbly person but when I know this girl is in the same room as me I get shy and quiet

  160. Meee! says

    Im worried I might become Lesbiane and I know there is nothing wrong with it, but I have always wanted children like im serious i dedicate my time to little kids and everyone tells me its the most amazing moment having your own child. I know i am young (12 years old) but im scared and i have lesbiane idols (ellen :D), but im scared i get bullied enough. I have a boy friend, but we are hardly talking and eveerything. I touch my friends weirdly as a joke like we do but idk it just different. I always like looking at skinny girl bodies and curves but i think thats because that who i want to be but not who i want to be with. Is this normalll! I really want to be able to accept whatever but i am an very educated child like i know all about these stuff so thats why i am asking. I know im very young but im worried that i wont get my dream as a mum and everyhting :)

    • Anonymous says

      Hey Girl,
      Don’t worry about having kids as a lesbian. There are plenty of gay couples that have children. You don’t need to be straight to have kids. What matters most is who you want to raise your children with.

      Your journey through your sexuality will reveal things to you. Don’t rush!
      Take your time! Discover yourself!

  161. free from lesbianism thank goodness says

    Be careful when you select a lover in your life they have alot of backstabbing people who disguised themselves like they really care and it only abou their ownselves selfish and no good for nothing trying to ruin your life so be very careful… some are out because they are really jealous of you and try to hook up with you and they dont.. so just a word of warning im happy i left my lesbian life style in the past i dont want to be gay to be with abusive lovers it just isnt worth it a man treat me better in the long run and also gay men are different as well so much love to you in your new life style i wish everyone the best.. if there is a good thing about it.. i doubt it..

  162. Alexandra says

    I’m 15 years old, and I still don’t know if I’m gay. I’ve never really questioned it until my friends jokingly started talking about it, and I started to feel embarrassed and offended, in a way. I’ve honestly never been with a guy, not because I didn’t get the opportunity (I have), but I just didn’t want to. And now I keep thinking that I kept refusing to make out/kiss a guy because of this. I’ve only had a real crush on one guy, but I don’t think I’ve had a crush on a girl (I think, maybe I’m in the avoidance/denial phase). But, I do realize that I’ve been looking at girls differently, noticing every homophobic comment that is made, and been listening to Same Love by Macklemore, non-stop.
    Maybe I just really support gay rights, but I feel like it has to be something more. I just can’t imagine it though.. Maybe it’s who I am, and I just don’t know how to deal with it at the moment.

    • Em says

      It’s totally fine to not know what gender you’re attracted to yet, 15 is a young age. A lot of adults aren’t even sure yet either. Maybe you do really support gay rights or maybe you are attracted to women? Either way, you just have to think – well does it really matter? I wouldn’t worry yourself about it, you’ll figure it out in the long run and it’s great that you’re already doing that at 15 cause some 20-30 year olds are only at this stage. You’ll learn how to deal with it and just remember there’s no rush, you have plenty of time to figure out who you are (:

    • Anonymous says

      I’m in a very similar situation- same age as you, and I’ve never kissed/dated anyone…I haven’t really been around many straight guys my age, but I know there have been a couple of guys who’ve had crushes on me…I do find guys attractive, but I haven’t REALLY crushed on anyone for a few years…other than celebrities. I’m the same with homophobic stuff, like when people use “gay” or “f****t” as insults, it REALLY bothers me (especially when there was some drama in my family with a cousin who left her husband for another woman and her aunt was really mean to her), and I really love Same Love. I’ve seen Jenna Marbles “girlcrush” video, but I can’t tell if I want to be these girls or be with them…I don’t know that I’d be solely lesbian, because in still really attracted to guys, but I’m wondering if I might possibly be bi…I know I’m young, but I’m really confused…I’ve had bad experiences with girls backstabbing me, so it makes me a little wary…I also have really low confidence, and that is why I’d want to be these girls- they’re gorgeous and confident and everyone likes them…I’ll stop rambling now..

  163. Em says

    I would say I’m probably at step 5. I’m 15 and it feels like forever that i’ve known who I am. When I was 11-12 I used to think about being gay all the time and how awful that would be because everyone would hate me. Then I began to realise there was nothing I could do to change who I am. Accepting yourself is the best thing and it just feels so great when you do. I’ve never dated anyone but it’s got to the point where I’d love to have a relationship with a girl. I’m not openly gay to friends or family, I’m so scared that they’ll look at me differently and I don’t just want to be known as the lesbian, it feels like everyone where I live is straight. I’m so scared of losing people close to me, my family is very religious and doesn’t believe being gay is right. I asked my mum what her reaction would be if I ever came out to her and she told me she would convince me it was a phase and that I should just get out and find a boyfriend. I’m beginning to feel like it’s not really anyone’s business and if friends or family catch me with a girl then they’ll just have to deal with it. But I hope I’ll find the confidence to just tell people in the end.

  164. the left husband (with child) says


    I thought I’d throw an opinion in from the other side.

    I have been with my partner since she was 16, we split for a short period when she was 21 and then she said she wanted to be with me and nobody else; 8 years later we married. We then had a child together – life was very good.

    3 years after marriage after she had spent many months going to the gym; she simply decided that she wanted to leave. things didnt make any sense at all until i found out the real reason…

    if i can offer any advice at all for ANYONE with these feelings its ‘do not pretend they dont exist, do not hide them unless you are prepared to ignore them forever’. If the fear of being ostrocised by your family/friends/infact everybody is greater than your desire to come out then do something about getting help. The devestation caused by my wife will never be known to her and its something i’ll never forgive her for.

    If you know early on in life then you only live once – just do it because the carnage that can be caused if you decide to do it when others will be broken hearted can ruin yours and many others peoples lives.

    best wishes to all going through confusing times :-)

    • K says

      I’m so sorry.
      I have a lot of guilt about the good, caring men in my past who I’ve hurt by staying with them and making them believe they were doing something to make me so unhappy. I’m having a lot of trouble admitting to myself and the people in my life that I’m a lesbian but I know that I have to before I hurt someone again. I’m in a relationship with a wonderful man, I adore him but I know how it is going to end.
      I just want to say sorry to you because I’m not strong enough to explain and say sorry to him yet.

      • the left husband (with child) says

        you have to follow your heart, the fallout if this poor fella is in love with you is simply not fair. Broken hearts are awful things but its not the end of the world. but the bitterness if pain can be avoided might consume him – can i ask ‘why do you keep going back to men if you know you are a lesbian?’ you dont owe me an apology K its not you who has lied to me :-(

  165. Everyone knows but she won't admit it to me says

    I’ve suspected for a few years that my lovely daughter is a lesbian and I’m cool with that and she knows I don’t care gay/straight/ so long as she’s happy …… I now know for a fact but when I asked her outright she said she didn’t know & that she wasn’t interested in boys or girls ….. She’s 17 & I know she has 1 particular girlfriend that’s been going strong for a while ….. Why does everyone else know but not me?????

    • Jay says

      She may know you will be okay with it but in her head she is probably in the avoidance/acceptance stage. It may be a big decision because she may have a girlfriend then end up liking boys and she may not want to be looked at as being gay her whole life. She probably cares about what you think more than the world. I’m the same way with my mother I know she is going to love me either way but I just can’t get this feeling out that she may think of me differently and not as her angel anymore. Hopefully this helps if not just comment back

  166. Angela says

    Im 12 years old and ive been with some boys but ive been with some girls i ike both and no its not a phase what does that make me is it wrong to feel like that

      • BeccaG says

        Honestly, truly explore your true feelings. You are very young, but I also admire that you are even able to entertain the idea that being gay or bi is a possibility. Looking back, deep down, at your age (I’m now 25) I would never have been able to admit it even to myself. Just really prepare yourself and what you are going to say when and if you come out. It can be easier to first come out to people you trust, like close friends and maybe a school counseler, to build a support net around yourself. It may take time for your parents to come around (even after 4.5years, mine still aren’t 100%), or maybe not ever. When you decide to come out, maybe bring a book that deals specifically with helping parents understand their LGBTQ child. Hope that helps you

  167. michelle says

    Stage 1 1/2. Im 39. Been married/divorced, had two children, enough male lovers to make myself blush. And this last week after feeling ugh about another male~female thing I was in it occurred to me: When have I ever been truly happy and in love or felt I understood the dynamic. I like sex. I like connection. I like being in a relationship. I just thought I was ‘frigid’ish…like, sometimes I wasnt? Lol. I just thought I was somehow unlovable or stunted emotionally that I couldnt love in the dynamic or such with men. Pretty heavy self deprecation. Ive got insecurities, but after 39 years of therapy, fear I’ll never get ‘better’ it dawned on me, um, maybe this isn’t me being deficient. Maybe, just maybe Im not into men. And I began to feel less stressed. Started to think Im okay. I am lovable and loving. Im not into the stage where Ive really started looking at women, Im tired after this last year of stressers related to my pursuit of dating men. Cripes, the idea of a penis makes my knees clench together…makes me wonder how long on some level Ive been knee clenching…in little ways all along. I dont want to date anyone right now. But when I am ready again, I am wrapping my mind around it, that I want to date women. There is relief in this thought. Immense relief. Im beautiful. Im smart. So I repressed this until much later in life. Why keep being where Im unhappy. I already began preliminary talks with my children. Ive raised them right so far, so its not presenting any problems. Kind of asking a question here or there to test the level of understanding, feelings towards, etc. We have plenty of male gay friends (their godfather in fact is), but no female gay friends. Go figure. Maybe thats been part of my repression and denial. :-)

    Thank you for this website.

    • self truth says

      hi Michelle,
      I am an openly gay female…been out to my friends & family since a very young again. I never been with a man, & now over 30 I know my life choice or path was the right one. Be open to finding yourself…meet gay women as friends, don’t classify yourself gay or straight or even questioning…just live & be open.
      Be easy on yourself…life is not an easy thing….but loving yourself & finding out who we truly are will make life’s craziness easier to deal with.

      stay strong…find happiness…your happiness is out there just waiting for you to notice it.

  168. Leslie says

    There was or is this one guy. I came out in high school and he was crushed but eventually moved on. We had grown up best friends and he just thought we’d marry when we grew up. After I came out we dated but it just didn’t work. Now, after all these years, I think I need him. I’m in a relationship and she doesn’t know. He’s married and far away. He told me I was the great love of his life a few years ago. I don’t know if it could ever work, but I think of him less as a man these days and more like a person who just loves me more than anyone ever has. That counts for something.

    • Michele says

      Hi Leslie
      I say don’t do it! I speak from experience. Figure out what is wrong in your current relationship. I have been with
      My friend from the past for 5 years now and the guilt I feel for keeping him from someone that can love him in
      the same way he loves me is a daily struggle. You can’t pray the gay away….and it always resurfaces. Sometimes
      hurting those we really do care about the most.

  169. New and confused says

    I recently broke up with my long term boufriend because I realized I didn’t really love him. I’ve fantasized about girls for a long time and I met a lesbian that I’m really attracted to and I’m interested in. But I’m not sure if its just the allure of something different or if I really like her. Not that it matters either way because she is not interested in me…

  170. Anonymous says

    I’m gay and I trid not to be but you are what you are so be your self and ignore evreyone that thinks is bad is the be coz is not

  171. Shanna says

    I think I’m at step 1 or 2, and the sad thing is…I’ll be 35 in three weeks. Thi would have been something nice to come to grips with before I got married when I was 19. I have always found women attractive, I had a crush on my first roommate, but that was the extent of my feelings. I had them, never acted on them. The one person I worried about disappointing was my father, but quite frankly I came to the realization just before he passed two years ago, he could care less. Now, as my husband of fifteen years and I are now having problems (we have the perfect marriage, or so everyone else thinks, I won’t go into details, but one can only put up with bs for so long, and I’ve reached that point), I am falling in love with one of my best friends, and the feeling seems to be reciprocated. She told me something I apparently was oblivious to before, that other women find me attractive (I never really paid attention until now). Now I’m stuck between should I just put up with my marriage or deal with the consequences and burst everyone I know’s bubble and tell them “Hey guess what, I think I’m gay”. Divorce may be on the horizon either way, but I thought it would just be cruel to tell him I’d basically be leaving him for another woman.