First things first: If you’re reading The Other Team, chances are good that you’ve at least wrestled with the question of whether or not you’re gay.
Maybe you’ve struggled to resist it. Maybe it’s something that you’ve accepted since you were super young. Regardless, all of us, at some point, have reached that moment where we feel a deep and overpowering urge to know: “Holy crap: am I gay?”
Am I Gay, or Aren’t I?
It’s truly no wonder why some of us struggle. A recent UCLA study shows that a majority of lesbian women over the age of 50 had previously been married to men before coming out as lesbians. A sign not just that women have long struggled to make sense of their feelings for other women, but that more and more, women are gaining the confidence to be true to who they really are as gay women.
If this is something you’re not quite comfortable with yet, that’s okay! There’s absolutely no rush to define who you are, and contrary to the pressure you may feel to decide right here and now, it’s important to keep in mind that you are you regardless of what you (or anyone else) might call yourself. (Heck, it took me years to come out to my openly gay best friends! but that is another story and another blog post)
Still, in case you feel it’s important to define what you’re feeling, it’s important to note that there is a difference between one’s sexual orientation and one’s sexual experience. Just as there are straight women who have hooked up with girls at their college sorority parties, there are gay women who have spent lifetimes in committed sexual relationships to men in spite of their attraction to women. Long story short: you are the only one who can determine if you are a lesbian.
The “Am I A Lesbian” Checklist
- You started playing “doctor” with your girl friends (at age 12)
- Your hair is shorter than your brother’s (and you’re better at football than he is)
- You’d rather end your date with a man with a punch on the shoulder than a kiss
- You own plaid clothing.. and a lot of it!
- (The big one) YOU LIKE GIRLS!
In all seriousness, don’t feel pressured to put a label on yourself and feel the need to identify yourself as either gay, bisexual or straight. These things take time and everyone takes their own pace. I, for one, liked girls since I was 11 but didn’t realize it until I was 15 and didn’t “come out” until I was 21. Although I always subconsciously knew, it took time and a series of events that allowed myself to be truly become comfortable and proud about who I am.
Signs That You Are Gay
What are the signs that you are gay? Are you really gay or are your thoughts about other women just a fantasy? Unfortunately, the answer to these questions aren’t simple. It’s important to ask yourself if you are both sexually and emotionally attracted to other women since being gay is more than just physical. There is an emotional connection that sets being gay apart from being gay curious or merely having same-sex fantasies. It’s not unusual for women to have sexual fantasies about other women while they are exploring their sexuality. These thoughts are not concrete indicators that you are gay.
Despite common stereotypes, there is also no particular gay look or type of mannerism that reads gay. Gay people are extremely diverse. Some are more masculine than others. Some are more effeminate. Try not to fall into the trap of using stereotypes as an indicator of your sexuality.
How gay are you?
Also, sexuality is extremely fluid, meaning not all people are 100% gay or 100% straight. Where do your feelings fall on the scale? You may be either gay, bisexual or simply curious.
Click Here To Get The Lesbian Lifestyle Book.
How to find out if you’re gay
The best way to determine if you are gay is to explore your sexuality. Experiment with your attractions. How does it feel when you are with a woman as opposed to a man? Are you attracted to both on a sexual and emotional level or just one? Exploring your sexuality is a personal journey. You don’t have to announce your exploration to others unless you are ready to