With the fear of discrimination and close-minded comments, for a lesbian, it can sometimes be difficult to feel comfortable with your girlfriend in public.
Included in this article are a few tips on how to overcome that fear and show off your girlfriend (proudly) in public.
Your Love Deserves to be Expressed
Its hard to ignore… the stares, the whispering, the threats, the comments.
When I go on a date with my girlfriend, I hold her hand because I love her. I don’t hold her hand to throw my sexuality it in anyone’s face. So why are people so quick to make us feel bad for being in love?
That’s just the thing… we don’t NEED to feel bad but instead we DESERVE to feel great!
Now, I want to approach this issue in the most unbiased manner that is possible. I don’t want to place all of the blame on people who do not support gays but at the same time I don’t want to place it all on us. I simply want to address some of the main issues we run into with this subject and what can be done to ease our worries.
1. Keep Your Cool
I’m sure many of you have encountered that ONE person who really doesn’t like your decision to “publicly exploit your homosexual lifestyle”.
First and foremost, it is always best to handle these situations with dignity. Don’t be so quick to snap at them like they did to you because that just gives them the upper hand. If we ever expect to receive respect in public (and elsewhere) we must show it as well. The best way to approach this issue is realize that there is no point in trying to fight their violence with more violence.
I remember being with my girlfriend of 8 months (now an ex) and we were in Wal Mart of all places just shopping for car tires. I was holding her hand in the store and a lady followed closely behind us and started yelling that we were disgusting and wrong and that what we were doing was scarring not to just children but SPECIFICALLY her child.
At first, I almost laughed but I kept my humility and just said that I was simply holding my girlfriend’s hand and I carried on. Though I had many emotions rapidly swirling inside of me, I realized that I wasn’t going to submit to her wishes or fight her fire with mine. People say things like that to HURT YOU. They say those things knowing that you are going to feel like the scum of the earth but you should not buy into their words.
What will really shock people is your patience and your composure. The only thing they can take with them is the image of you NOT sinking to their level and whether they’d ever openly admit it or not, that will bother them more than you know.
2. We Are No Different Than Any Other Couple, We Must Prove It
In order to be comfortable with your partner in public, you must take on the persona of a normal, everyday couple because guess what? That’s exactly what you are.
You are just out on a date with your girlfriend, you aren’t out corrupting children or smiting God so don’t fall into those silly hate-fueled statements. One of the challenges of being a same-sex couple is harnessing the fact that you really are normal. Please know that when I say “normal” that I do not mean you are just some plain, old, boring couple. I just mean normal in a sense that the love we feel for our partners is no different than the love that a man and woman can feel in a heterosexual partnership.
Also know that I’m not asking you to fake any sort of feelings or to pretend to be something you’re not. In fact, I am asking you to do the COMPLETE opposite by just being yourself with your partner in public. This way, the pieces will fall into place. I realize that sometimes it’s easier said than done and depending on your location, your age, race etc., you may find it harder to feel normal but trust me, that part of you exists and once you find it you’ll feel that instant switch where all of a sudden everything just seems to make sense.
As humans, we tend to FEED on people’s emotions, body language, presentation, etc. As a homosexual, we must realize that we aren’t just fed on, we are PREYED on and this needs to be the reason that we do what we do best and that is be proud.
3. Everyday Struggles
I think, on some level, that all of us have these issues because it is hard to step out of the comfort of our own homes into a world where we don’t know if we are going to get jumped for simply having our arms around our partners. I KNOW that is something we all think about probably daily. If you find that you are having a particularly hard time gaining that comfort level and the ability to maintain that level-headedness, there are some things you can do to loosen up and feel more confident:
- Remember the reason you’re on the date. You are on the date to cherish your girl and make her happy, not to make others happy by keeping a 5ft. separation rule.
- You’re being judged, yes, but by who? Not your date but by complete strangers that play no role in your day-to-day life. THEY DON’T MATTER!
- The people who are making you feel this way probably only do it because their lives are just THAT boring. Here you are on a date with a beautiful woman while they sit and are so out-of-touch with their own lives that they have to encroach on others’ lives. Whatevs!
- Giving undying attention to your girl and not the others around you as much as you can help it. You’ll find that once you focus on her that you don’t even have to try to be comfortable.
- Last but not least… you have to keep in mind that your partner is feeding off of your emotions. If you let these outside people get to you, then they will probably get to her and then you two will get to each other and it will be a big mess! Be comfortable so she can be as well!
A Side Note:
As always, you should discuss with your partner both of your comfort levels. If neither of you are sure that you’ll be comfortable at a certain place for your date then you can always arrange a group outing or a different and better place for just the two of you! It helps to know that you are literally and figuratively not alone.
There is always safety in numbers and having a group date can make it easier for you to find that comfort but once you do, make sure to treat your girl to a one-on-one date where you can show off just how comfortable you are with her. ;)
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This article was written by Brandi, one of our newest contributing writers at The Other Team. Say ‘Hello’ to her in the comments below!