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Common Lesbian Slang and Terminology

 

I’ve compiled a list of the most common lesbian slang, terms, words, and phrases you’re most likely to hear within the lesbian community. Read up!

Popular Lesbian Terms

Andro/Androgynous: A “unisex” lesbian (neither Butch or Femme).

Baby Dyke: A young, newbie lesbian (can you say “drama”?).

Beard:  a “beard” is a person of the opposite sex who marries or dates a closeted lesbian or gay person to cover up their homosexuality.

Bicurious: A typically straight girl who is somewhat intrigued by the idea of hooking up with another girl. She is ‘curious’ about her sexuality and interested in exploring relationships with girls.

Bisexual: A girl (or guy) who likes both girls and boys. For more information, click to read our article on the Top 4 Myths About Bisexuals.

Bulldyke: The most masculine of Butch lesbians.

Butch: A masculine lesbian.

Chapstick lesbian: A tomboy lesbian. Doesn’t quite fit the stud or femme description. Usually in between the two extremes. A lesbian who wears Chapstick rather than lipstick.

Dieseldyke: A super masculine lesbian who tends to drive trucks or other machinery.

Drag King: a drag king is a woman who dresses to look like a man, usually for performance. Drag kings are often lesbian, but not always.

Dyke: Another (less Femme) word for lesbian.

Gaydar: An intuitive ability to determine whether another person is gay or not. Gaydar relies heavily on social mannerisms and behaviors. The word derives from a combination of Gay + Radar.

Genderqueer: No, that’s not a typo. It’s a word that means you don’t limit your gender identity to the typical man/woman archetype. For instance, maybe you feel like you’re both man and woman, or maybe you feel like you’re neither. Either way, it’s all good.

Gold star: A lesbian who’s never been with a man (a sometimes rare but worthy find).

Femme: A feminine lesbian.

Hasbian: A hasbian is a woman who used to identify as a lesbian and date women, but is now dating men.

Lesbian: A women who is sexually and emotionally attracted to other women.

Lipstick lesbian: A lipstick lesbian is a woman who loves other women, but also loves her clothes and makeup and shoes. She tends to dress on the femmy side

Lipstick Mafia: Group of (generally Femme) lesbians who either 1) work to recruit new lesbians into the lesbian community or 2) form a close-knit protective circle around members of their group of friends. Move over, Sopranos!

Pillow Queen: A girl who likes to receive sexually (but refuses to give in return).

Poppa: An underage lesbian.

Stem: A stem is a lesbian who identifies somewhere between “stud” and “femme.”

Stud: a dominant lesbian, usually butch.

Queer: Once considered a derogatory word, some people use this term to be all inclusive of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Warning: Some people still find this word offensive.

U-haul Lesbian: A girl who tends to move in fairly quickly with those she dates.

What terms did I accidentally leave out? Let me know in the comment section below and I’ll be sure to include them in!

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Comments

  1. girlmeetsgirl says:

    What about a blue jeans femme?

  2. in the closet says:

    Im definitely a gold star!…never been with a women or a guy in my entire 18 yr old life…you’re going to need a term for that..never been with a guy or a girl but im totally into women!!.. want to be with one..but its hard and very very complicated where I am..lets hope i survive this..

  3. kikmeCountnmoney says:

    U left dick-dyke, she like dick n dykes

  4. Tammy i wanna know says:

    For me i absolutely like wearing t-shir and jeans and am attracted to stud but not the hardcore bulkdyke one. Am not real attracted to femmes bt sometimes i like wearing dress and make up. If a stud and a male dress in the same clothe infront of me no matter what i will choose the stud. Is that ok. Boys are attractive bt not sexual appealing to me since middle school just always like the girls

  5. iheartgirlswhoheartgirls says:

    you forgot spaghetti girl: straight until wet

  6. Loves God AND Girls says:

    Cool article! I was wondering what the terms were. According to this I am a gold star femme with a broken Gaydar. :P I also might be a Baby Dyke depending on what a “new lesbian” is. I have liked girls since high school but I only accepted my love for girls a few months ago. Question: how do you tell if you are a lesbian or bisexual? (How do you tell the difference between the to?) As a rule I have only had crushes on girls and I usually only think about girls. But once in a blue moon I might think “That guy is kind of cute.” But it is generally girls on my mind. So boys are the exception, not the rule. (And a very rare exception I might add.) Does that mean I am les or bi? Or is there a word for being mostly lesbian? 99% of my thoughts are about girls and the reason I am a gold star is because I don’t have the desire to kiss, date, be with, marry or start a family with a guy. So would I be les or bi? Thanks girls. This article is awesome just like all of you! <3

    • Anonymous says:

      Maybe you shouldn’t focus so much on what you are. The important thing is who you choose to love. Guy or girl? Long as you’re happy. And no matter what you might be sexually attracted to, everyone can appreciate beauty. You look at a guy and think ‘damn that’s a hot piece of ass’ doesn’t mean you wanna have his babies ;-) Most important is finding someone who makes you happy and hot all over. That’s whoever is the one for you. Don’t try so hard to label yourself. Personally I’ve always used the term omnisexsual about myself. I fall in love with the person – not their gender.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I am a Gold Star And Butch And Proud!!

  8. I’m not really a lipstick lesbian but I would say I am definitely Femme, though not as much as my GF. :)

    • claire wheeler says:

      im a femme lesbian i love make up hand bags high heels and sometimes wear a dress but what i hate is when people just think your straight because you look straight. sometimes other gay women think your not really a lesbian just because you dont dress butch. it shouldnt matter how we dress or what we look like and just be yourself. im 100 percent lesbian but very femme.

  9. Snickers Lopez says:

    I’m sort of a femme, lipgloss lesbian (between a lipstick and Chapstick) and I’m the pumps in the relationship while my girlfriend is a butch, Chapstick lesbian and the pants in the relationship (she’s dresses like a guy most of the time but she does care how her hair and outfit look).

  10. I was raised that liking the same sex was wrong so i went threw Wut i call a str8 phase, had to amazing daughters, an finally accepted that i was a lesbian an didnt come to my family till i was 29 im 33 now, but everyone else new. I use to be extremly girly but realized it wasnt me. Only been with 2 men in my life. I can look at a man an say hes attractuve but im not attracted to men at all. I guess i would be considered a chapstick lesbian, i love my DC shoes an Hurley an billabong, have short hair(im a hairstylist) but wear mascara. Perfer mens shorts an Jeans, love my tank tops.

  11. i think i identify with stem i like to be dominant but i’m also femme and i love femme girls :)

  12. she-hulk butch beard muncher says:

    you forgot carpet munch-er i love munching me some carpet and laying it if you know what i mean you ever scissors so fast your pubes catch fire call me if you ever want to 702-815-4395 if you in my area give me a call ……………my name is juicy

  13. You forgot boi

  14. unoexperience says:

    I dress girly sometimes heels sometime flats,but I also dress down meaning I wear tshirts jeans and sneakers ….so what would I fall under?? Plus I’ve only been in one lesbian relationship for 2yrs I’m31 what would that be???

    • You’d mostly likely be a stem or chap stick lesbian if you dress up yet look causal. However, if you dress up girlie one day then dress like a stud the next, you’d be referred to as a switch. I don’t know what you mean with the number of years though. I don’t really think numbers count with lesbian lingo besides being a rookie.(:

    • claire wheeler says:

      im femme as well and some days i wear jeans but if im going on a night out i would wear a dress. i dont think we should be judged or have labels and all be treated the same.

  15. What does Dom mean? A girl was talking sexual till she said dom

  16. Also gold star….

  17. Im 12….so I think that means I’m a Poppa…

  18. Is there a term for a lebian cougar?

  19. I am totally into gals bt find guys attractive as well bt not sexually. I love beautiful dresses,nice shoes n make up but I’m most comfortable in jeans n t-shirts n sneakers n I love being dominant….I’m I a stem?

  20. Anonymous Baby Dyke says:

    I’m a gold star poppa, leaning towards butch.

  21. i thought i made up the term ‘chapstick lesbian’ in 1995!

  22. I’m not sure. Can u be gay and have never been with a female?

  23. gold star- chapstick- poppa- baby dyke. *wink wink* ;)

  24. Black Dude from New JERSEY says:

    YOU PEOPLE NEED JESUS………………THE BIBLE IS AGAINST ALL GAYS!!

  25. I’m a gay gay and was always wondering the lesbian terms, I’ve heard a few over the years but wanted to see what i’ve missed. I think most of my lesbian friends fall into the chapstick lesbian, andro or stud (which I’ve ususally heard described as fashionably butch) catagories. In gay guy terms I’m a gold star, Otter (sub catagory of bear), gaymer, 4 real, who’s kind of a chicken. it means i’m a skinny hairy guy, who plays video games (not exclusive to men), wants a lasting and commited relationship and is a younger guy who kind of likes older dudes. I think if I were a lesbian I’d be a chapstick lesbian or andro who likes studs (I haven’t watched a lot of the L word but shane was pretty hot)

  26. I guess I wud be considered a femme lesbian, an maybe a baby dyke. Idk! I always knew I loved women but I never had a gf until now. And she is a stem. I don’t like men!

  27. you forgot Silver Star, which is basically like gold star but you’ve dated/kissed a guy but not had sex with one.
    I’m a silver star lipstick poppa

  28. mindsmessedup says:

    Okay soooo I WAS bi curious.Was because I am now in a relationship with the person (who happens to be a stud).Also I was physically attracted to her from jump, however I was/am your typical straight gal (always been with men) …or so I thought. I’ve been asking myself what I am for a little over a year now, maybe I am just plain confused. But if anyone knows the “box” that fits my situation, please let me know.Thank you lots :)

    • Anonymous says:

      I know how you feel, my story is the same as yours except I have always liked some girls, just never enough to date one. I don’t believe it’s a box you need to fit into but rather decide if this person is someone you truly love and could possibly love and spend your life with? I am dating a girl for the first time after years with men and as much as it’s termoil inside working it out deep down I don’t feel I could be without her. She means the world to me and I never thought I could feel this way about a girl. Your personal happiness is what you want to find. :)

      • mindsmessedup says:

        She really turned everything upside down inside, I’m sure if I could see what’s going on there it would pretty much look like the aftermath of WWII lol. Thanks anonymous! :)

      • Wow! This was inspiring to me! I have been in love with two women in my life. Once before I was married and one now. (I’m still married, working up the courage to end it). I’m ending it because it’s not a good marriage, not because of her. I am crazy in love with her…even though that wasn’t the plan. She’s amazing & I can’t possibly see my future without her. But yea I have the turmoil inside.

    • You could be bisexual. But you really don’t need a ‘box’. Just be who you are!

    • I had that feeling befor, but I know now.

  29. Gold star, Fem. Never interested in boys even at the high school “oooh look, giggle stage”
    I like nice clothes but only moderate make up
    Rose P.

  30. Looks like I’m a gold star-lipstick-poppa who likes femmes. (=_=);

  31. Bicurious is anyone (male or female) who is interested in exploring his or her sexuality with a member of the sex that they are NOT naturally oriented toward (I.E. I’m a lesbian but I used to be a little curious about guys).

  32. Bisexual Femme attracted to stud and femme.

  33. I’m Bisexual, i have a very high Libido when am with a girl and i also almost freak-out when am kissing/caressing/and looking for that thing that was never lost in between her legs. I easily get attracted to cute/sexy girls.

    Please what’s the Term for me? I’ll appreciate your reply, thanks.

  34. im a poppa and adore other femmes <3

  35. Has any one heard the expression going the gurl used by a butch or stud in refering to themselves
    Very important to get answer
    Thankyou

    • yes! ive heard of that expression you slut monkey ive got enough slang to slag your tit wank you fuck nut whip cream fanny licking love lunch i often use this line as an expression for going to gurl too hope this helps, les please reply its very important to hear your answer lawolawolawolawol x x x x

  36. Personally, i find the term ‘Dyke’ really offencive, i guess thats just me then..

  37. hi can someone please answer my question? ok so i only like girls emotionally not sexually and i'm only attracted to femmes i don't mind tuching a girl or be tuched but it's just not sexy. can someone please tell me if i'm a lesbian or not?????!!!!!!! says:

    ashley

    • You aren’t. If you aren’t sexually attracted to a woman than you aren’t lesbian.

    • Anonymous says:

      If you are not attracted to men sexually or emotionally, but you are attracted to women in any way shape or form, you are a lesbian.
      If you are attracted to both in any way shape or form, you would fall somewhere on the bisexual spectrum.
      In either case, a lack of interest in sexual matters would make you additionally “asexual”, meaning that you would be an asexual lesbian, or an asexual bisexual.
      If you’re interested in sex with men, but not with women, but you are interested in a romantic bond with women to some extent, then you would be partially asexual, but also bisexual.

    • I think you may be asexual (demisexual possibly) homoromantic. :)

    • maybe you are bisexual ^_^…im busexual but i lean wayyyy more to girls
      but then again…im only 17 xD

  38. i dont get it Butches like femmes mor and femmes more butches?

  39. ❣✿❣✿❣SillyGoose❣✿❣✿❣ says:

    Hiyaa~! (>‿♥) I’m Gold Star and Lipstick Lesbian ᕙ(`▽´)ᕗ and would I also be poppa I’m almost 17? (✿◠‿◠)

  40. RandomName says:

    I’m a goldstar, poppa(I’m 16. Does that count?), Chapstick bisexual. Though I always been a little more attracted to girls , than boys.

  41. you forgot… starfish… it’s like pillow queen… but like a starfish, she lays on her back, and it spread out, like a starfish and that’s all she does. ha.

  42. Chapstick gold star stud straight girls r so fun to try and get its the ultimate accomplishment

    • Haha you sound like the girl that I first fell for. Broke my heart!! I guess that’s the down side of the challenge you seek, sometimes someone gets hurt :( But in turn it might make them see the option more openly for the future :)

  43. I’m a Chapstick stem bi. Good to know because I have been asked

  44. I just realized I’m a lesbian. I’ve always dated guys but I’ve always been attracted to girls.
    I like getting cute and girly but I prefer to wear t-shirts/running shorts and the occasional jeans. what type of lesbian am i?

  45. Is there a term for a bisexual who is now a lesbian but has never actually been with a woman?

  46. I dont know where to put myself!lol. I am not super femme, I do not wear men’s clothing as in nothing from head to toe, I wear dresses at special occasions, I wear lipstick everyday but I know I am not a lipstick or a chapstick, I am feminine but I have short hair cause well I have kinky hair…and I dont like make up…so what am I.

    • Kayla Marie says:

      Angel,
      Sexuality isnt a light switch. One person doesnt just “turn gay” suddenly. For instance I was always gay but tried my hardest to hide everything, I was in utter denial for years and finally came out of the closet completely. I think maybe you mean coming out of the closet? Or perhaps accepting your sexuality.

      • Anonymous says:

        Kayla,
        she is not questioning her sexuality, she knows she is a lesbian. Or she knows that she is bisexual (they do exist, by the way.) She’s really just questioning her stereotype. Which is sad, because not everyone will fit stereotypes, and all the better for them – every person is different.

  47. Chapstick lesbian

  48. Im a poppa, Im only 10 but im almost positive Im a lesbian, Dont Judge <3

  49. Ilikegirls says:

    I’m a Chapstick, drag king, and a “poppa” I suppose?? I don’t know. I’m 15.

  50. what is the term for a woman who was straight then turned lesbian , never wants a man again so not bi ?

  51. SayNoToHeteroPrison(haha) says:

    LOL I have a LipstickMafia at my school they go around recruiting girls and guys (i’m a gold-chapstick-baby dyke) they look for people to do “gay stuff” (smh) its kinda funny but they have a leba-gay community crew now soo…

  52. Laura M. aka L.KAT says:

    Spaghetti girl- straight until wet!!, Lisa- lesbian identified male, 2 beer queer- chicks who only get frisky w other chicks after drinking or at bars, deb- a perpetually negative lesbian who is a Debbie downer and rains on everyone’s parade,, lezbro- the lesbian’s straight male best fiend dynamic: equivalent of the more well-known gay man’s straight female best friend or “fag hag”/”fruit fly”. B)

  53. Rebekah c; says:

    Chapstick, Gold Star, and I guess Baby Dyke? I’m 18 but I’m pretty new at this.

  54. I’m a lesbian and my girlfriend is a stem but she never likes to receive only give which I love but I always feel bad. Is this normal?

    • Laura M. aka L.KAT says:

      Very normal. She’s a stud or a stone butch and much prefers giving to receiving it seems. you’re only a pillow princess if she clearly wants hers and you leave her hanging. Haha- some stone butches don’t even like being touched or undressed!

  55. What do u call a straight woman who wants to experiments with lesbian or is just curious to know what its like hope some one can give me en answer thanks.

  56. Chelsea says:

    I guess I would be a femme gold star lipstick lesbian.
    Now that I’ve finally accepted my sexuality i’m trying to learn more about the lgbt community.

  57. Annastacia Cocco says:

    Chapstick lesbian, Gold star, and does being 14 count as being a “Baby Dyke”? XD And fuck Gaydar, i dont have that shit. Sadly.

  58. CherryBomb says:

    Probably Chapstick…But you never know :P

  59. Anonymous says:

    One of my favorites is eyeliner femme, a lesbian or bisexual femme who identifies as goth, rockabilly or alternative, wears eyeliner, fishnets, etc.

  60. superbitchlezbo says:

    Whatever happend to the term soft butch? I classified myself as one I can ware a dress and get into my fuck me pumps but I prefer my jeans and nikes and play softball. My wife of 24 yrs likes me either way shes butch lol

  61. Celeste says:

    Butch, gold star, chapstick. I love femmes but can’t find a femme who likes butch girls

  62. I RECENTLY MET A LESBIAN FROM NEW YORK AND LOVE MY P.D. FYI THE BEST WAY TO PICK THEM IS SOMEONE WHO IS THE SAME SUN SIGN AS YOURS.WE ARE BOTH SAGITTARIANS WHO KNOW HOW EACH OTHER FEELS ABOUT THING.P.D. AND I HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON THAT WE AWE EACH OTHER AT TIMES HOW MUCH WE ARE ALIKE IN SO MANY WAYS…………….

  63. katica grey says:

    Bi, Stem

  64. chapstick lesbian

    • Lillian says:

      A psychiatrist is a phasciiyn who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders. I have a bachelor’s degree in the social services field. For several years, I have worked with children who have been diagnosed with mental disorders. It is upsetting to see children victimize at an early age and even more disturbing to see them as predators as early as 5 years of age, however knowing that I am doing my part to assist them in becoming functioning youths and adults is rewarding. The empathy, confidentiality and maturity of a medical assistant are definitely needed in this area. I enjoy establishing a rapport with these clients and helping them to find adequate coping skills to deal with their disorders, therefore I would like to work for a psychiatrist.I would not like to work for an emergency phasciiyn for several reasons. I will explain a few. Patients who come to the emergency center typically have serious injuries or trauma. I would not like to have my mind constantly focused on who is coming thru the door and how sever the prognosis is. Knowing myself, I know that would be my focus and I would not be very productive. Also, in the emergency room the staff has to be prepared for anything, I would prefer an area that focuses on a particular specialty. Most importantly, I do not wish to see excessive amounts of blood loss on a regular basis. Actually, not even a minimal amount of blood loss on a regular basis. Giving my opinion and thoughts about this specialty, I would not be an effective employee.

  65. lesbswag says:

    chapstick lesbian

  66. bigassbutchwithadick says:

    Total femme!

  67. Danika says:

    Poppa goldstar Chapstick lesbian. Jeez.

  68. Cecilia E. Fernandez says:

    you left out Deb lesbian, spaghetti lesbian…

  69. Anonymous says:

    AM S GOLD STAR

  70. Gold star lesbian here. Am I the only whose gaydar only works for gay men? Coz I dont work with lesbians… I think Im doomed xD

  71. Femme, Goldstar, poppa and between chap and lipstick lesbian!

  72. Are you guys all American? We have some others here across the pond maybe you don’t use:
    “A member of the flat show wearing community” (any gay woman)
    “Lesbarian/Lesbitarian” (a bookish lesbian)
    “ladies’ tennis player” (I think she plays Ladies’ Tennis etc- you can also use lawn bowls – that’s not 10 pin bowling it’s the one you play on grass!)

    All good fun!

  73. ConfusdCyta says:

    Is there a term for a butch lesbian/ drag king who has sex with men? What is a “butch ma’dom”? I’ve never been with a woman, but just found out my boyfriend cheated with his so-called five star best friend, and it got me wondering about what it would be like to be with a five star myself… not her though; I’d call her tainted.no..tarnished right? If he slept with a woman who I thought was a boi, looks male, acts male, does that make him gay? Do we have beards? OMG a boi sleeps with my man but Im the confused one!? Any advice?

  74. Amber Flynn says:

    A bisexual “chapstick lesbian” type or “stem” actually extremely young at under 18 higher than 12

  75. my gaydar works like a charm

  76. Lipstick but I like to act like a stud haha.

  77. Lipstick Butch

  78. GOLDSTAR, CHAPSTICK LESBIAN :))

  79. Thanks River! I was going to post it myself but you have explained it even better than I was going to :D

  80. Tiff01011991@aol.com says:

    I am a Gold Star, Femme, Lipstick Lesbian who is new to this area and single. Would love meeting other similar lesbians for friendship and more over the coming months.

  81. confirmed-i’m a u-haul lesbian…..and i love being a lipstick lesbian as well.

  82. Gaysted – A state in which a person who normally identifies as heterosexual becomes intoxicated and engages in homosexual activities.

    Not to be confused with the similar yet distinctly different terms:

    “In the closet”, where one engages in homosexual activities FREQUENTLY while intoxicated. Often claiming to have just been “gaysted” or to simply not remember said events at all.

    “College”, A common period in one’s life in which one engages in a close to continuous state of “gaysted” for a 2 – 8 year period, while furthering their education post high school. While sometimes mistaken at times for “in the closet”, the distinct difference being the homosexual activities seem to come to an abrupt ending in conjunction with one’s studies.

  83. Thank you River, you just told my story for me!

  84. Tyler-jayne says:

    LOL! im proud to say that i am a gold star! never ever ever been with a man, not even dated boys in highschool and to be honest with you, i never will!!!!!!!!! lipstick lez all the way!
    GO TEAM LEZ!!!

  85. GAYDAR!!! :)
    every lesbian has one, its how we tell each other apart from the straight gals!
    Love yous all!!!<3 :D

  86. My girl is such a pillow queen. lol She wants to wait til marriage. She’s so cute!

  87. I’m just wondering if there’s a term yet for a multiple who has a gay or lesbian alter (the core being straight).

  88. Hey, like the site a lot, and the list is cute, but I have a small issue with your terms ‘Gold Star’ and “Tarnished Star’.

    The fact that a ‘Gold Star’ lesbian is defined as a ‘rare but worthy find’ while a ‘Tarnished Star’ is a lesbian that has had sex with a man (and tarnished not being a particularly favorable term) makes it seem like any woman who identifies as a lesbian but at some point experimented with men is somehow ‘less’ than a woman who never did.

    As a lesbian who would fit under that somewhat insulting term, it’s frustrating. I grew up being told homosexuality was a sin, a crime, a horrible thing, and when you’re surrounded by that it’s incredibly hard to not believe it to some degree. Until I was 18, I refused to acknowledge that I wasn’t straight, and for almost a year more I desperately wanted to be bisexual so I’d be ‘half-way right’. And that’s why I had sex with one man, and I hated it, but I don’t regret it. It helped me come to the realization that no, I don’t like men, and yes, I am a lesbian.

    I seriously doubt I’m the only lesbian who has had an experience like that, or who felt pressured by her family, friends, religion or society to ‘be normal’ and thus did try (maybe even more than once) to have a ‘normal’ relationship with a man. These women aren’t ‘less’ of lesbians for having had sex with men. And ‘Gold Stars’ are not more ‘genuine’ for their lack of heterosexual activity.

    If you don’t want to delete the terms, fine, but consider changing ‘Tarnished’ to ‘Silver’. While ‘Silver Star’ still has an undertone of inferiority, it’s not nearly as flat-out insulting as ‘Tarnished’. And drop the ‘rare but worthy find’ bit from ‘Gold Star’. Lesbians who have only had sex with other women may be rare, but that doesn’t make them any better than those who have had sex with men as well.

    I know this is a rather long comment, but it’s something I feel pretty strongly about. It’s bad enough that lesbians are put down by other people, but to foster it within the lesbian community is even worse. The fact is, if you’re a woman who loves women, no matter who you have been with in your past, you deserve the same respect as any other lesbian. Calling lesbians who have never had sex with men superior to those who have just creates hate. And, considering as your term points out the fact that *most* lesbians aren’t ‘Gold Stars’ anyway, it doesn’t do any favors for any woman, whether she’s ever been with men or not.

    • Brilliantly stated! One of the things that has kept me out of the lesbian community for a long time is that weird competitive thing. I am a lesbian who was married for 14 years and had 2 kids. We had satisfying sex, and he was a decent guy. But I never felt at home within myself as a wife. I wrestled for a long time with my sexuality to finally understand myself to be a lesbian. Does this truth make me less in any way? I think it makes me a more widely experienced human being: wiser, more empathetic, confident, strong. Forget the labels!! All the ranking jargon is really juvenile, like high school. Who wants to perpetuate that level of maturity?

      • You are in no way less of a lesbian than any other woman. The point is probably that if you have never had anything with a guy, the chances that you will never like one are seen as higher than if you have been married to one. I personally do not think that makes much sense because in the end you made the decision to live a lesbian lifestyle, but I think some other “Goldstar” lesbians may have a different view on that. I am a goldstar lesbian but I would not categorize you or anybody else as less worthy, I think that is pretty shitty and unfair!

      • I am a 40 year old butch. For myself I think that a lot of the jargon goes towards a way of describing oneself when you cant visually see them.

    • I know how you feel. I’m stuck because I don’t know actually which term I can reliably use. In my head, I would count just about as gold star, I’ve only ever had ‘boyfriends’ as cover-ups before I came out, but I’m scared people will say I’m not on the basis of what some men have done to me (against my will) :/

    • Anonymous says:

      I agree. I was raised tht being a homosexual is the worst sin u could commit. It’s very hard to get over something like tht. I am a bit new to this. I had always been w guys but I kept thinking about women. Recently I finally acted on it. I don’t know what I would classify myself as

    • I understand what you’re saying, being gold star is more like saying you were lucky overall.

    • anonymous says:

      Some lesbians don’t date women who have had sex with a man.. I have me a gold star wife and some lesbians have issues with licking someone elses mixing bowls… So tarnished may be a unflattering word but it is just a word after all

  89. ahhh so that means imma poppa lol. i loved it, it was so accurate…

  90. julie banania says:

    safe to say that am a lipstick at times and a femme most of the time :)

  91. Richard Perry says:

    How about Lesbro?

  92. I’ve heard a couple of other terms that you have not included…

    Stone Butch
    Transbian – transgendered woman who is a lesbian

  93. Great fan from this site, a considerable number of your blogposts have definitely helped me out. Looking towards news!

  94. Stud
    Aggressive Fem or simply “AG”
    Soft Stud
    Boi

  95. Where exactly is the facebook like link ?

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