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Dating Rules Every Lesbian Should Know

 

Are there lesbian dating rules?

Lesbians all over the world  struggle with the question of dating protocol every single day. After all, you’re two women, for goodness sake. How do you know who is supposed to wear the pants and pay for dinner? Invite you in? Go in for the kiss? The truth is, there’s no definitive answer about a lot of these things.

From the first date to a long term relationship, you have to figure things out how to make things work in your best interest. No need to fear, though. Even though there aren’t any cookie mold answers to all your questions about lesbian dating rules, there are certainly some good rules to live by.

Who pays?

It’s an age-old question, and one that causes all of us anxiety at some point as we look at the bill sitting on the table and wonder if we should grab it … Or let her grab it … Or offer to go halfsies?

In general, if you’ve initiated the date, offer to pay for it. After all, it was your idea. Sure, she might wave you off and insist on paying for her share. But offering is the right thing to do (and being prepared to follow up with paying is also essential.)

If your date initiated the date, do at least offer to pay for your half. Depending on your own beliefs, the way she handles that situation might have a bit more meaning to you. (i.e. If she actually lets you pay for your half, your beautiful illusion of a girl-in-shining-armor might be tarnished on the spot.

For instance, I was out with a woman once, and it came time to pay the check. I like to consider myself a pretty big tomboy, but she in this case was a little more “butch” than I was. She had asked me out, but I did offer to pay my share simply to be courteous (I wasn’t sure if I was really feeling her, if you know what I mean.) Well imagine my surprise when she actually let me do it! I went from “on the fence” to over the fence in a hurry on that one just because I felt like her decision to allow me to pay was in bad taste. (Did I ask for it? Sure. But that doesn’t mean I can’t complain!)

lesbian dating rules

Who asks?

There are no set rules on who should initiate a date, although there will be clues if you’re the one who should be doing the asking. For instance, if yours is an old-school Butch/Femme pairing, you can bank on the fact that the Femme is most likely waiting for the Butch to make the first move. I know, life’s not fair. Men have been complaining about that one for centuries. I personally love doing the asking and feel a sense of satisfaction from making the first move.

Outside of the above, if you’re really interested in going out with a girl, just ask. It will never be considered inappropriate. Chances are, she’ll be relieved that you took the reins – especially if she’s been giving off the vibe that she’s as into you as you are into her.

Her place… Or Yours?

Again, there’s no hard and fast rule about where you might decide to crash for the night, although there are definitely some things to take into consideration. For instance, whose place is more convenient (either to where you are now… or where you need to be tomorrow morning)? Whose place is nicer (cable? hot tub? Pool?)? Whose place is more private (i.e. you won’t have to worry about her roommate popping in as you start to get into the mood)?

Then there are other questions to consider based on a well you actually know each other. Do you trust her enough to give her your address? Do you trust her enough to go into her home blindly? If you aren’t in the full trusting mode of your relationship, you may want to stick with public places. Whether you’re at a coffee shop or a hotel, people will be there to hear any cries of distress. Play it safe when you decide the best place for you to spend time together.

Over time, you may find that you always tend to hang out at one place over another. If that’s the case, just touch base once in awhile to make sure both of you are okay with that. You don’t want to offend her by always insisting on your place or never offering to invite her to your place. Similarly, you don’t want to feel obligated to always have her over or to always go to her house. If you’re close enough to be spending that much time together, you shouldn’t have a hard time having the “Your place or mine?” talk at any given point in your dating history.

Ex Etiquette:

Short answer? No. Meaning, don’t talk about them. Don’t whine about them. Don’t mention how good they were in bed. Don’t mention how much they broke your heart (or worse, how badly you broke their heart). When it comes to ex-girlfriends it’s best to leave them in the past where they belong.

For one, talking about your ex-girlfriend is not a turn on, as it shows you’re more hung up on your previous lover. Nobody wants to feel like they’re a replacement, a rebound, or even worse, just taking up space until you find someone who meets your past expectations. That’s just too much work for one girl to handle and it will undoubtedly lead to negative feelings.

Outside of that, it’s not a good idea to dwell on your ex because that prohibits you from finding a new squeeze. If your ex has taught you anything, it should be what you don’t want. Now is the time to focus on what you do want.

What kind of girl are you looking for, and where are you most likely to meet her? I’m not just talking about Butch versus Femme. I’m talking about lesbian activist? Corporate professional? Sporty sexpot? Granola environmentalist? Think about the qualities you’re looking for, and the things that will inspire you in a partner. You can’t possibly find the girl of your dreams if you don’t have any idea what she’s like. Hope you enjoyed this post, don’t forget to stop by next week!

What are some lesbian dating rules I missed? Let me know in the comments below!

Rock On,
SLUSH

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Comments

  1. This seems like a very good place to get advice. So here I go. I just recently turned seventeen and am confused on weather or not I am bi. I’ve never been with a girl before. But I do know that find them attractive, especially dikes. I have been with guys. But it seems that I a
    have really bad luck with them. I am very respectful with myself,but it seems that they love to walk all over me. Thayce left me damaged. To the point were I think every guy is the same. So I’ve stareed to lay more attention to girls. I’ve had best friends who are dikes. And thinking about it now, I think it was because I was curious about it all. But I’ve always told myself that I wasn’t interested in them. I haven’t always been interested in them. It was sord of something that happened slowly. Lately I’ve really wanted to get with a girl. I feel like if I was open about it, I would of already. But I haven’t. My family saw that I had friends that were dikes. And they would make fun of me because they thought I wasn’t interested in girls. But I was persistent that I wasn’t. Just yesterday they were making of my best friend, who is a dike. And they would say I’d like her and what not. And I would continue to say that I didn’t. When in reality, I know that I do. Nobody knows this though. At all. I don’t know how to go about this. O really don’t know if anybody is going to take me seriously. I’m 50\50 on the situation. I don’t know how to talk to a girl about it. Its not that I am confused, I think it just might be that I need to experiment. But, I really do just want to kiss a girl. I just don’t know what to do or be open about it. I really don’t know how to begin bieng bisexual. I don’t really know how to explain it.. I just don’t know how … ….i font even know what I’m trying to say. I don’t know how to start talkng to girl or letting people know . Or how to go about it all. I just feel stuck on the thought and don’t know how to move toward with it. I really need some advice with this.. Thank you forr listening.

  2. This seems like a really good place to get advice and speak your mind.. So, here I go. I just turned seventeen but I’ve been told many times that I act 20 for my age. Since about a year ago I’ve been confused on weather or not I am Bisexual. My last two bestfriends have been dikes, and I feel like I’ve gotten close to them to make sure that I wasn’t interested in women. One of the reasons why I feel like I’ve starting to feel more interested in women is because men have really disappointed me. My sophmore year I was stuck on a guy two guys older me. He didn’t treat me like shit, but he didn’t treat me right. He would always have hickies , if know of the girls he’d get with, he would stop talking to me for about three day and then come back like nothing. I’d have panic attacks at school because of him. I’d even cut myself. Anyway.. He ended up leaving me. It took me about eight months to get over him. Even though it still hurt it managed to get over it. So I started to talk to another guy, Nd I really like him. From the last two years of being damaged, I finally felt like I was moving on. But this guy just decided to hit it and suit it. And I found out he was engaged. It really hurt bit I told my self to get over it quickly because I was not going to let another guy get to mr as badly as the other one. Because guys have hurt me, I truly feel like there is something inside of me that won’t let all of the hurt go. And I feel like turning to women. But one of the major thongs that are holding me back is the fact that I am still so persistent that I am not bi to everybody around me, even though I know I am questioning it. My bestfrined currently is a dike. And I’ve had on and off feelings for her. Lately I’ve been noticing women alot more often.. They are starting to turn me on a bit. I notice there curves and how beautiful they are. I know o don’t want to be a dike, but I do want to be more assertive and take control of the relationship. I have not yet been with a girl at all. And nobody knows that I am uncertain of my sexuality. I don’t know what to do. I do know know though that I do fing women attractive , but I don’t know how to start the process of talking to women , since I’ve never even tried flrting with a girl. I don’t know if they will take me seriously. I don’t know how to go about this.. I really need help on what to do. I’m stuck in my own thoughts since I haven’t said anything to anybody about this, and I have no idea on how there going to take it. And I don’t know if its a risk I am willing to take. I really need some advice… Please help & thanks for listening.

  3. iheartgirlswhoheartgirls says:

    damn i hate being single

  4. Way useful! Several quite well thought-out details! I love you writing this informative article along with the other parts of the webpage is extremely good.

  5. Everyone seems to be sharing their problems here, so hey, I’ll go next. I’m 14 and a lesbian and my best friend and I have always been very close. We agreed to experiment with each other recently as she knows of my sexuality and isn’t sure of hers and a few days after I confessed that I love her. She took it well and says while she loves me, she doesn’t want a relationship. But because we’re experimenting and we’re so close anyway, it’s basically a relationship. I know that it isn’t but we cuddle and snog and tell each other everything and hold hands when we’re out walking and tell each other we love each other and even though I mean it romantically and she means it as a friend, it feels like a relationship so it’s nice :)

  6. My life is so messed up

  7. I’m 13. I’m not sure if I am bisexual or a lesbian. I’ve dated one girl and we dated for 1 year 6 months and 23 days. Until, she broke my heart by cheating on me with my best friend. I have dated only 2 guys and there was no connection. For some odd reason I see more attracted to older women (20′s). But, I like guys too. I don’t know what I want.

    • Hy I’m 15 years nd I’ve dated guys and know I’m currently dating a girl for my frst time though I’ve kissed my best friend but I’m also not sure whether I’m a lesbian or what but I don’t get is that we can’t spend a day fighting for a miner thing is it how its meant to be or what?I mean was your relationship like this full of fights

    • Hi I’m 15 years old nd I’m into girls even older(20s)bt I always tel my mum hw much I luv ths gul wch I’m d8in bt xe thnks I’m joking the thng s I’m nt sure whethr xe wil accept me or shuld I tel her l8r coz my gf is 17 years oldr nd in grd 11 nd xe reali luvs me nd xe doesn’t wna ce me hurt no matr wat I do or de fyts we huv,nw the main issue is dat we fyt every day nd we dnt wnt to loss each othr we huv nvr met we met on Wechat bt huv had fun thru de fone nd its was lyk imagination fun lyk me visiting her thru de fone we shr oyr pic nd voice notes nd we r stl planning to ce each othr sumday nd I’m planning 2go 2 her sxul

      • Anonymous says:

        If u want advice… Learn how to spell. Can’t even understand what ur trying to say. Its rediculas.

  8. I’m 13 (I’m not sure if I’m bisexual or what) and my girlfriend is 13 also. We were together for 1 year. I found out she cheated on me with 2 of my friends (Nobody knew about us). And my crush, who recently came out as bisexual, told my me my girlfriend had sexted her. When I confronted my girl she told me they were just talking and throughout the argument we had she was making accusations that I cheated on her with a WOMAN who is in her early 20′s (a woman who followed me on a social network). Isn’t that illegal? Then, she apologized and asked to be friends. I didn’t rely back. I tried to remove her from my life, but its hard to when we you’re dating your friend/classmate/next-door-neighbor. Now, I’m not sure what to do next…

  9. Am dating this girl for 4 months now her mother found out tht she z lesbian and asked her to stop n also sent me an s.m.s bt my gf said she doesn’t want me to let her go cause she loves me bt now she z nt taking ma calls what can i do??help plzzz

  10. Am dating this girl for 4 months now hwe mother found out tht she z lesbian and asked her to stop n also sent me an s.m.s bt my gf said she doesn’t want me to let her go cause she loves me bt now she z nt taking ma calls what can i do??help plzzz

  11. Oh my God, I’m so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me…My name is JOAN. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby…then my husband left home then for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he understand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR agbadi who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR agbadi cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to DR agbadi who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is (dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.
    Thanks joan

  12. MeMyselfAndI says:

    Im 13 years old and i am bi leaning more towards lez… i am dating this girl and we are really close. its only been 2 weeks and we have kissed already. sometimes i feel as though i may have rushed it a bit (i kissed her) but she hasnt said anything about it. we have a great connection and i dont wanna ruin this…should i ask her about it?

    • Try just spending more time together and having a movie cuddle night or something like that if you like it. I don’t know if you’re “out” or not but that may limit how much you can see her depending on parents which will suck, but just give your relationship time and it will work out or end itself peacefully. If you can talk honestly to each other it would be great to make sure you didn’t rush her, but my girlfriend only kissed me first because I was too shy about it. Stay strong and ignore the “it’s only a phase” and the “you’re too young” comments. I was in the same place as you 6 1/2 months ago. Be strong and be confident, always be respectful and not cocky. The same advice applies to most relationships…be yourself

      • I’m 14, bi towards lesbian, and in a wonderful relationship that seems impossibly perfect. I would die without my girlfriend and hope she is mine forever

    • No , because if she had s problem about it im sure she would come to you . Sence you guys are close. & i hope everything run smoothly in your guys reletionship (:

    • I’ve found, with most relationships, being as honest as possible helps. It ensures that tiny niggling doubts don’t get out of hand. And don’t rush anything, things tend to just happen.

    • If things aren’t awkward between you guys and you guys are going real good, then I say you should leave it. But if things may seem ify because if it, kr if you you really want to know her thoughts on it, then I think you should

  13. Anonymous says:

    Many of the Women just need their Dildos and Girlfriends which you will do just fine.

  14. Hy im a gl in 18 years ald,i hv dc problem im bio n i hv lot of glz hu z in wth me most of dm ar d glz hu are my frnds n i found d 1 i trully love wth my whole heart bt aftr week we start dating her ex keep on tlng me dt she love hr n i must bck off bt i says:

    Cneir

  15. Hy im a gl in 18 years ald,i hv dc problem im bio n i hv lot of glz hu z in wth me most of dm ar d glz hu are my frnds n i found d 1 i trully love wth my whole heart bt aftr week we start dating her ex keep on tlng me dt she love hr n i must bck off bt i says:

    Cneir

  16. So im bi and im thinking about cuting my hair into a sort of fauxhawk but i dont want people to think that im only into women. I mean if i was in a realationshop i would never cheat, but i want guys to know as well as girls that im bi. So should i get my hair cut? Im almost 14 and my parents really hate homosexuals, so ya. I just want an honest opinion

    • anonymous says:

      You can stil cup yo hair any how u want, cutting your hair does not really mean u are lesbian , its a simple of how u feel about yourslf and boys can also look at u and approach you , so don’t wory abt how your hair wil mke boys think u only interested in girls

    • Anonymous says:

      Hair is just hair. Do you boo boo

  17. I have to say I made a huge error in judgement, but I am not perfect. I met this woman on a dating site all I will say is she is from Bermuda. She sent me a smile on this site and I guess I should have left it at that. She is not my usual type and I should have seen the red flag when she said she was in love with me after two weeks and I let her, she lost her son and said she jumped into a marriage with a woman she barely knew and the stayed together for three yrs and the woman did bad things to her I had been through the same situation yrs ago so I could relate. I will admit that I was lonely and a little down so I let her in, but we only sent email to each other and talked on the phone I really thought she was cool we started on July 8th 2013 and it ended on September 20th. Our chemistry was great over the phone and I thought I found my soul mate she said she was in love with me after two weeks and I let her and I told her the same. Now both of us are in our forties we both live back at home with family and we both have no jobs but in her defense she has lupus and its hard for her to get work, and said her ex took all her money. Her 21yr old son died from anemia in 2009-2010. She says her family didn’t want her she was a mistake at birth. I have family issues as well. I told her I always seem to attract off beat people, she said the same. She always wanted to talk everyday no breaks she would call in the morning and we would talk for a long time, but if she could not get in touch with me she would freak out or say how come I can’t contact you any more, this would be on the same day we already talked. She talked about her late son a lot and that’s ok I know about loss. She said she rushed into marriage because of late son to escape the pain and leave Bermuda. I understood that, She told me all her secrets and told her mine. We would talk for 5hrs or more everyday. She was sick sometimes because of lupus, and then she would be ok. She talked about her ex a lot calling her names and how her ex just used her, I let er because I thought I should let her vent. She would let me talk, but mostly she over talked me I said that it irritated me and she said she would stop she tried but it didn’t last. I wanted to find a job and move her to DC for better health care Bermuda does not have the greatest she said, and she always seemed so sick. Soon we would start to argue about petty stuff. I would ask her to call me in the morning because I use my cell as an online hotspot to look for work etc, but she would call anyway and got mad when I would remind her I was online, and explained what I was doing she would get upset. At one point she said that if I hurt her she would kill her self (yes she is in therapy) She told me she did not love her self she said she thought she was ugly she said she thought she was to black in color etc. Sometimes she was happy sometimes sad, I made a huge mistake though guys I let her pay my cell phone bill with her credit card at one point I tried to help her out with my card but she would not take, she could not stand not talking to me for two days I was fine with not talking for a while I would have my own money to pay in two days. She said she did not want the money back she was happy to do it to talk to me and I don’t like a woman to pay I usually pay. So I felt I had to talk to her everyday because she paid. She seemed to except all my faults, While we where talking she said that she had kidney failure, but continued to drink. I drink also it was ok for her to be drunk on the phone but not me. She used a lot of cuss words when I used them she didn’t like it she said I said things I didn’t say. It got to a point when I didn’t know what to say that would not offend her. When we didnt bicker we would talk love stuff, phone sex, plans for our future together. She wanted me to get a passport and move me to Bermuda and take care of me. My family said I would be crazy to do that cause I didn’t know this woman. I told her I wouldn’t come to live just visit and her whole attitude changed. The US has better health care. Her ex finally gave her a divorce and she is coming to DC Sept 26 a friend even gave her money for a hotel so we could spend time together She begged hard for this to happen she was happy on Sept 17th 2013 the last time we talked before my phone cut off for a day I payed my own bill this time and I didn’t call on the 18th I was gonna call on the eve of the 19th, but she called me very angry and dark saying she wanted to kill her self, but she was happy on the 17th. She started to say if her son didn’t die she wouldn’t have lupus her life wouldn’t be so bad she wouldn’t have to ask people for money. I wanted her to snap out of it so I said loud he’s dead he’s dead she hung up the phone before I said, but he would want you to live. She hates my guts now she now compares me to her ex wife its almost as if everything she never let out she let out on me tried to accuse me of stealing her card info keep in mind she gave me the info and took it like an idiot, but destroyed the info. I mean we are two broke women. I want to pay the money back but she will not take it. I tried to be positive and apologize for saying her son was dead, but that’s all she hears its like she saved up all her anger for me. When I tried to fulfill her wishes and said I would not bother her she got really mad and called me a catfish. Said I was the lowest person on gods earth and that I was emotionally difficult. I can’t believe she was once a Bermuda police officer. She was so in love with me and obsessed now she hates me She kept sending me nasty emails and text but its over now. She said she blocked my emails and I’m sad but very happy. I just want to give the money back. She is so mean now. She is gonna be at the DC court house on Sept 30th to break it off with her ex. She has my Address I have hers in Bermuda I want to give her money back in Oct She said she feels sorry for me so she doesn’t want it cause I’m beneath her. What should I do?
    Heed my words people never give or take money from people you meet online or off. If someone says they are in love with you after two weeks sight unseen run. It feels good to be wanted but at what cost. I have issues, but my god. I will stay single till I have a job and my own place. Life is not a romance movie love takes time. I have learned my lesson. I really didn’t mean to say her son was dead.

    • walk in a bar spread your legs and do a big fanny fart WORKS FOR ME

    • You’re “friend” is a nut case. Never date a nut case, never marry a nut case, walk away fast, be glad you escaped. Crazy is a slow motion car wreck that never ends. She may be manic, manipulative. Just never date crazy people. Never.

  18. browneyez95 says:

    How do you tell your best friend that you like her? I’m bisexual and so is she we dated once but called it off because of our parents (she was. 17 I was 16) and now she’s 18 and I’m 17. Going to be 18 soon. But anyway I still like her.

    • Rainbow_Princess says:

      Probably just find a way to spend some time alone together — go out for dinner, or do something where you can talk. Casually reminisce about something from the time you dated, and sort of tip-toe around the subject like “did we do the right thing” or “what do you think would’ve happened if our parents hadn’t…” Her answers will clue you in on whether you should take another shot. Good luck!

  19. am a lesbian, n i have had feelings 4 1 of my frnds, w were so close she has a boyfriend. but we have been makin luv eva since. the problem is i reallky dont know if she loves me or what coz its really breakin my heart now dat after we made love she has b says:

    Quinton

  20. My girlfriend and I live in two different states, but since we been together everything is cool until a few moths ago when she start to hang out with this other girl who lives in the same state as her an she spends the night over there for like almost a week, she has only known this girl about 2.5 months and then she gonna go on a date with this chick, and even when I voice my dislike for the closeness of them she gets highly defensive but she claims she dont see her as more than a friend. Im suppose to go down there next moth but I cant seem to get over this feeling. She has to hide to talk to me when she spends time with the friend. But when she at home she will talk to me all day. Am I over reacting? Yes i know this is expected in a long distance relationship gay/straight.

  21. i hav been single 4 two yrs an i want a gd good relationship with someone whos faithful an honest not afraid of commitment

  22. prttybrwneyez says:

    If you have a gut feeling that something is not right and you’re forced to invade your gf’s privacy, maybe you shouldn’t be together. There is nothing worse than trust issues in a relationship. On another note, breaking up with you everytime you go through her phone is pretty messed up even though you’ve gone through her phone. Both of you need to have a heart to heart…hear each other out. Tell her whatever makes you uneasy about her…set boundaries if you have to. You say she’s still into guys and doesn’t want to hurt you…that’s a red flag right there. There may be a possibility that anything can happen BUT it doesn’t mean she will cheat. Just talk to her and no matter what always go by your gut. If you do get back together and feel like you can’t trust her then maybe you need to part your ways and find someone else who doesn’t make you feel insecure. Good luck!

  23. can i get a prety lesbian here ? says:

    ellabrown

    • prttybrwneyez says:

      Maybe ;) lol Ok so I don’t want to lable myself. I’m attracted to men and women but have only had serious relationships with women. I just don’t see myself with a man. I love everything about women…their hair, scent, skin, kisses, their anatomy…down to the fact of wanting to share a life with and marry one. I’m looking for a beautiful woman outside and in who isn’t afraid of committment…Anyone here in the upstate NY area?

  24. My girlfriend and have been dating for about 6 months and were both “in the closet” and my brother just found out (not catching us, she’s out of town :(, but finding a note) and I don’t know what to do. Btw he’s 12 and were both 14. The thing is. I have a bad relationship with him and I think he might tell my mom who already dislikes her, as my best friend, and is way against me dating anyone. Or atleast having more than a minute alone with them until I move out. She literally lists all of the boys I cannot date, and so far I have choice in my grade. If he tells her I might never be allowed time with my gf who I am truly in love with no matter how “young” we are. I really hate all of the bisexual comments from everyone. If I were with you, I would never cheat because I find it morally wrong and it would kill me to know my girl did.

  25. My girlfriend just broke up with me, she said she is severely depressed and has nothing left to give and needs to be happy before she can be in a relationship again. She said maybe in the future we can try again but right now everything is so bad she fell out of love with me. She really wanted it to work. She really did. She feels guilty now that she isn’t happy and I had to move out and both are lives are not in an easy spot. I want her back. I want her to know that she is good enough for me and that I want to be there. I would like some advice on how to fix this. It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve seen her and 3 weeks since she broke up with me. This is pretty painful for me and I’m worried of course that she won’t want to try again. I have sever anxiety. I do want her back though. She is the person I could marry, we were good for each other and I know I’ve been harsh and upsetting at times. I have an anger problem and we were forced to spend six months working, staying together 24/7 to help her mother. So we were constantly around each other but never really alone. Help?

    • It’s always difficult after a breakup. There is nothing anyone can say that will take that pain away for you. Only time will heal the hurt that you feel.
      But in the meantime, stay as active as you can and hang around with your friends and family as much as possible. And if you don’t have many friends, then go volunteer somewhere and help others. Making yourself useful does wonders.
      Sorry about your pain and heartbreak. I feel for you.

    • prttybrwneyez says:

      So sorry to hear your story. I myself got out of a relationship a couple of months ago. My gf suffered from severe depression (not the main reason we broke up) She felt bad for putting me through her turmoils and told me I deserved better. I tried everything to make her happy but we ended up breaking up. It’s not easy, I can’t say that tomorrow you will feel less pain, but focus on things that make you happy and try not to consume yourself over the breakup and her. Keep yourself distracted. Time heals only if you allow it. Feel better.

  26. Hi guys. My name is Nicole, and I am currently in a relationship with my third girlfriend. The lovely lady I am currently with just came out when she turned eighteen and I’m one of her first girlfriends. Her last relationship was a month ago in which she only saw her ex three times while dating and she tells me that her ex was very controlling and rushed everything. So my problem is, because she had a bad first relationship, I feel very awkward as to what I can and cannot do. I am always doubting whether or not to hug her, hold her hand, kiss her cheek, or even get close to her. All of my previous relationships were fast paced, with more experienced lesbians and lasted for years. So with her, I don’t know whether take it so slow that I become anxious to every move I make and always let her make the first move or to just handle it like any other relationship.
    My girlfriend always says that she wants to be with me for a long time and one time even stated that I was “the reason she breathed.” We’ve only been together for a little over a week…nine days to be exact. My response, because I didn’t want to come off too clingy or too much was, ‘We’ve only been together for a week. Are you sure about that?’ Ease don’t think I’m an asshole, but it took half an hour to even say that. Also, she likes taking pictures of me and staring at me off guard. I don’t know if I should be flattered or embarrassed, but I deal with it by doing the same to her. She likes to get close to me when we’re playing video games, but I am too afraid to even playfully bump her in order not to take anything further. And let’s not even have the sex talk. She’s a virgin….and I haven’t known virginity in ages.
    Am I wrong for letting her past relationship hinder our relationship?

    Feel free to Kik me with replies because I am in desperate need of answers/advice

    Kik: littlesaintnik

    Thanks in advance!

  27. confused lover says:

    Hi,
    So I’m in a relationship where my gf is a sweet person some time. She says she’s still into guys but not like she’s into me. She says she loves me and hate to see me hurt. So i feel like i can’t trust her we’ve been together 2 years. Its like she’ll tell me that i have nothing to worry about but i feel like she’s lying somewhere down the line. Couple times I’ve been through her phone and she hates when i do it. I do it because i feel like we should both be able to do that. But she tell me im being nosey and i don’t trust her. Doesn’t it seem like she’s hiding something being that she breaks up with me when i go through her phone?

    • Anonymous says:

      No; but if you keep going through her phone the way you are doing she WILL EVENTUALLY cheat on you. Being with someone who doesn’t trust you is annoying but Especially If you’re not doing anything. That’s just down right irritating. Plus your insecurities may have been cute at first but over time you look pitiful.
      Let me ask you: if you DID find out about fowl play what would you do.

  28. ms.cooper says:

    My girlfriend and i have been together five years and here recently she wanted me to have a baby so yes im in the process but it just seems different as i she wants it to happen but is distant now why ?

  29. Question…my sister who is a lesbian just got out of a relationship of close 2 years (bad break up, she got broken up with)…now all the sudden the ex is socially hanging out at my sister’s previous ex’s house along with her current partner (posting pics on facebook being around a firepit) and they see nothing wrong with that. My sister is very hurt. Here is the thing. My sister and her prev ex had been together for 12 years and have shared custody of their 2 children. The ex developed a bond with the girls so they are saying they want to maintain a relationship for the sake of the girls (they hated eachother b4 this..would complain about the other all the time)…ok fine, no problem. But on this night my sister had the girls, so why were the 2 ex’s hanging out together and posting it on Facebook?? Am I crazy, or is this just not right??

    • Anonymous says:

      Its not right, but I can try to explain a possibility. As lesbians, most times the dating pool can be very thin. Lots of people are in the closet, or are very private about their sexuality. I know there are places women can go to meet other women, but when you find one through other people (ex’s) its a natural connection. There isn’t much effort needed, its like the chick fell on your lap. In addition to that, ex’s tend to have similar friends, and if your ex fell for the person she used to date, its sort of easy for the most recent ex to be attracted to the same type. This happens a lot, it shouldn’t, but it does. Last but not least, ex’s hanging out with other ex’s automatically gives them something in common to talk about…. the girl they both dated.

  30. hi my name is shiela I would like to know if anyone could give me advice iam in a relationship with a lesbian for almost 3 years now. I would like to know how I can stop her from cheating on me with other girls and what should I do if she doesn’t want me to go through her phone or read a messages on her cellphone ive got a lot of problems in trusting her although I love her a lot its my first relationship with a lesbian help plz

    • Girl, she is not going to stop. If she cheats she doesn’t respect you. If she doesn’t want the you than you should leave. It will hurt. But you will be better for it in the long run. And if she want you make her work for it. She may not be the one for you.

    • I used to cheat on my gf all the time until she started showing me how much it hurt her. :( Nd I rlly love her so I was willing to stop for the sake of my baby. I have mad respect for her. She is my world. So what I think u shud do is start showing her how much she hurts u. Nd put ur fuckin foot down. Tell her ur going to threaten to leave her if she continues her behavior. If she rlly loves nd respects u. She will see it hurts u nd do anything to keep u.

  31. Telling The Absolute Truth says:

    Gee Wiz, with so much more lesbians nowadays isn’t it very obvious why many of us straight guys are having so much trouble meeting a good woman now? i would say.

  32. Dad dont understand but i do inside im like fed up with boys .they just arnt romantic no more in a good way like wot id hoped 4. when i leave school im going to move out and b happy .dad thinks im soo not right but he should remember last year and then just b grateful (raped ) no more !!! atleast like i told him 4 now im so not in2 boys. plus we know wot we(girls) like and r i think more nicer people than boys. i totally luved guys but i cazn live without all the heartache /cheating etc. i want 2 b happy and b safe

  33. dad just so doesnt understand wot i am but i do inside and fel boys r so untrustworthy now. so when i leave school im going 2 move out and b ME. i feel that in a way im still not 100% and i always did like it straight but guys hurt u and they just want 2 play around and they never r sweet and gentle in a romantic way like wot we are (if that makes sense) plus its nicer 2 know that we know wot we like and plus wont get pregnant /raped/hurt anymore etc etc

  34. Hey, I’m Alex and I’m 14.5 years old. I’m currently in my first lesbian relationship (the first one was my “best friend” who just wanted to get closer to my older brother) and I’m not really sure how I should act around her. We were supposed to go on a date to the movies yesterday but her dad was visiting so I told her I would move it to this Friday. After wards, she’s going to stay the night over the weekend. Is it a good idea to bring my sister and her boyfriend for a double-date? It’s my girlfriend and I’s first time ever going on a date, that’s why I wanted to bring my sister and her date, but I’m not sure how she’ll react to me bringing them.

    Another thing is that she’s a lesbian and I’m bisexual. I’ve brought up my first boyfriend a couple times when we were talking, but I haven’t brought him up since that one time. Did I already ruin it for us? I mean, I really really like her, and I don’t want to mess everything up for talking about my ex that one time.

    Also, when she wants to French Kiss, I always get a sick feeling in my stomach. Is this normal? I think it’s just because I haven’t kissed anyone like that since I was 11, but I still fell bad that I get like that. Should I tell her? I mean, I don’t want to hurt her feelings because she likes that kind of kiss, and I want her to be happy.

    Am I too clingy? I love talking to her a lot and whenever I get the chance, I see her at school. I tend to skip my last class just to see her (she doesn’t know that I do) and when I do see her at school, I always have my arms around her. Is that to much? Should I give her a little more space when I see her? Should I just stick to talking to her when I see her, or holding her hand maybe? I really want this relationship to stick and I’ve been dumped before because I was too clingy.

    I’m sorry if this is so jumbled, but I’m not really good at writing how I feel in a good order so it’s just kind of everywhere. If someone can answer some of my questions, or give me a bit of advice, I’d really appreciate it.

    • Hi Alex,

      I am a 28 year old lesbian who has had some of the experiences you describe. I think the best policy would be to take a step back and approach the relationship with more casual expectations. Though this girl sounds nice and I am not doubting your interest in her, your anxiety over the particulars and your self-professed “clinging” may push her away.

      Woman, in my experience, want their partner to exude confidence and security in who they are and what they want. Be direct, but avoid becoming too emotional or too invested so soon.

      Skipping classes to see her is definitely not the right policy. If she is the right person for you, she isn’t going anywhere, so spending a few extra moments with her at the end of the school day is in no way worth jeopardizing your education. Relationships tend to come and go, but your sense of self, your confidence, your education, your emotional stability are all things you can build and decide for yourself. And you should.

      As for the feeling when you kiss her, a couple things could be the cause. The first, and forgive my directness here, could be that you are not as attracted to women or at the very least this woman as much as you think you are. Think about whether you are truly bisexual or just curious. The other possibility is that you are simply not ready for a sexual relationship with her or anyone. Either way, this is nothing to be ashamed of, it takes a long time to develop as an individual, to know with certainty and conviction who and what we are. But it sounds like, again, you may want to step back and approach the whole situation more casually.

      You’re 14.5, you have a lot of time ahead of you, just remember to take your time and be honest with yourself and others first and foremost.

      Hope this helps! Best of Luck!

      -M

  35. Oh wow! Now I know all the things I did wrong! Lol I think these are great rules every lesbian should keep in mind! Right on!

  36. I don’t know if I am a lesbian or not.. I fell in love with a woman for 10 years, were Like a couple, then we broke up, cause I didnt see her desirable anymore, although she was still in love with me, i was always, who jumped to sex with her, i had lots of imagination, she always was the passive role in bed, but the active role concerning payments. then i fell in love with a man, we made love, then we started to fight he was too passive, I had to take the male role, now I know he’s married to a woman and have a kid. I returned to my ex for a couple of years, then broke ip again, and fell in love with a woman, who is has a hysterical character, when it comes to seducing, she seduces married men, when they start to want sex with her, she runs away, and come to make love to me, then claim it’s wrong and starts to pray that god forgive our sins, and then repeat the same scenario, I FINALLY broke up with her for ever, considering her was a bit crazy. I went back with my ex, then I fell in love online with a rejecting girl, who wants me to play a role (she wants me to be Ellen degeneres) while making love. Then I broke up with her. I met another woman online, we made love, she wanted to me with me, then on her way to meet with me, she stopped by a hotel, and met a straight and made love to her, now they are in love, the straight divorced and they will get married, and I never got the chance to meet her, cause she apologized to me, saying she’s sorry but fell in love. Again, I met a guy, an old male, who was a very gentleman with me, I immediately fell in love, we messed with each other for a couple of times until he started to want more, like penetration, here I stopped seeing him, saying penetration comes after marriage, (because I really am scared from this), my ex of 10years and I now are ONLY social friends.. I am alone now, not knowing if I start a lesbian date or heterosexual date. I know not who I am.. Please help.

    • It sounds like you are deeply confused and have had a lot of pain and frustration in your life regarding relationships.

      Release yourself from the anxiety of being alone, and allow yourself to be single for a while. I believe this will greatly benefit you: knowing you are strong and independent will change your perspective on life and nurture your past relationship wounds. When you are ready for a relationship, you will be a more well-rounded and suitable partner for the right person.

      It sounds like you are bisexual, or non-denominational, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving the person, not the gender. But the bigger issue I see in your brief message appears to be co-dependence issues. You don’t need another person to validate who and what you are. Decide and create this for yourself, you are stronger than you may think.

      As for playing the dominant role in bed, perhaps this is your preferred role regardless of who you are with? If this is not the case, when you are ready, perhaps you should seek someone who better balances your desires sexually, finding the right partner is the hardest part about finding a healthy, long-term, committed relationship.

      Good luck!

  37. Southernlove30 says:

    Hi!
    My ex is in Florida and I am in SC and I am with someone and she just started seeing someone. I have a daughter who is crazy about her and wants to be around her. I realize I dont have a right to say anything about her seeing someone else because I am. However, I realized that after being together for 4 years that I dont want to just give up and that I want to marry her. She knows this, but asked me to wait for her and while I wait she is going to continue to see the new girl. What should I do?

    • Southernlove30,

      If you love this woman, and it sounds like you definitely do, then you have to allow her to make her own decision, even if you disagree with them. There is nothing more painful, more poisonous than a relationship that just drags along into perpetuity out of a sense of duty or guilt.

      Sure, you could ask her to come back to you, and maybe she would, but at what cost to your relationship?

      I know this must be difficult for you, but she deserves to be happy and to find herself, however those revelations manifest for her. In the meantime, you might want to focus on yourself. What are short and long term goals you would like to accomplish for yourself and your daughter? What, beside a continued relationship with your ex, would make you happy?

      Nothing heals the heart like the accomplishment of a worthy goal. This may even work to draw your ex back into your arms. She may see a new, changed person and like the confidence and positivity she sees.

      Food for thought, good luck!

  38. My best friend in high school just recently moved in and I always had and still have such strong feelings for her. Currently she is with someone and I been helping her out. Its so hard though cause I am dissapointed in not telling her who I was in high school but I nevr thought id see her again. She’s madly in love with her girl and I dont wanna ruin things but I want to least tell her how I feel. I dont wanna come in between just want her happy point blank even if its not me. Every time im around her im tounge tied and lost for words. she doesnt believe i have feelings for her and her current gf is very demanding. she keeps bringing up her past and my best friend is so stressed i confroter her evrey chance i get. :( but her gf keeps bringing up the past and she wont stop blowing up the phone. I let them see each other and talk for hours on end i just dont know what to do… :(

    • Atleast yr bestie is not dating a guy, so u r half way there. Keep being true to yourself and yr friend. If there are feelings there for you, they will be revealed, Next time yr bf brings up the lack of knowing what your true feelings are toward her, reveal how you truly feel. If it is meant to be you and her will happen. Sometimes, cupid needs a push, so buy her flowers just because. Treat her the way that you feel for her.

  39. Still, I Myself wouldn’t go out with a bisexual girl…Not that I don’t like the fact that they like men, but Uhmm
    Recently I dated this bisexual girl for 6months and she broke my heart and left me for a guy (like every bigirl I’ve dated)
    And well now i’m just sticking with Lesbian Girls<3
    Ermm.. :x

    • I am sorry that she hurt you x

    • First of all, I am so sorry that you were hurt. I truly wish you had not had that experience.

      I do not feel that all bisexuals should be placed in the same category. Just as all lesbians should not be categorized, neither should bisexuals. I feel that this girl was not truly committed to you. If she was, then she would not have left you. If she left you for another girl, would you hurt any less?

      If you truly love about someone and are committed to them, then you will respect them and your relationship with them. I believe this is applicable regardless of sexual orientation. People who are unable and unwilling to commit for various reasons cheat regardless of sexual orientation.

      I hope you find real happiness soon with someone who is as into you as you are into them.

      Peace and love always,

      Ro

  40. I met this great girl. She was dating someone else while sleeping with me. She left me alone a lot with her roommate who was a guy. I just moved to the area, got my heart broken by my first serious lesbian relationship and I was very lonely and he gave me attention. I slept in the bed next to him…in her house when she stayed the night at the girls house. He and I messed around for about 3-5 min when we woke up but nothing further then feeling what was going on down there if you know what I mean. However, I hated it and was disgusted after…but it def helped me know I absolutley was not into men anymore…oh, btw…I married a guy and had been with guys in the past, but just recently came out to parents and friends. Anyway…she and I started dating shortly after. We fell in love actually…but eventually I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I told her what had happened. We are no longer together. She cannot forgive me. My question is…if we weren’t together and she was dating someone else…did I cheat on her!!?? I understand, it was her roommate and in her house…but what would you do?? Would you give me another chance. I loved her very much and was ready to be all about her. I would have never done it if I knew that we were going to be together. Oh, and he also…knowing her better than I at the time…would tell me she liked the other girl more and I never had a chance. She also told me she really liked this girl…so I was hurt and just wanted some affection. I know I made a mistake tho and wish it had never happened.

  41. Name (required) says:

    im in love with this girl but im not sureif shes straight or a lesbian like me. i would nvr go for a bisexual!

    • First of all, I wish you nothing but success and luck in finding true love. I think everyone who seeks true love that is able and willing to give it should find it.

      How long have you known her? How well do you know her? Is she currently seeing someone? If she is seeing someone, then I would respect the fact she is in a relationship and not pursue her romantically until she is single and available. Does she currently have an interest in someone? Again, I would not pursue her if she is interested in someone else. You deserve the best, not someone who is emotionally unavailable because they are into someone else. Does she know you are a lesbian? If she does not know you are lesbian, I would try to get to know her better in order to discern how she feels about lesbians and gays in general first. Once you discern her general attitude towards lesbians and gays, then I would want to learn more about her to discover if she has any other lesbian or gay friends, family, and associates. If you discover she does, then I would come out to her if you have not done so. After doing so, allow her time to digest this information. Be very observant. Does your relationship change in any way? Are you sensing any awkward behavior from her? Once you are sure she has digested this information effectively and only if you do not detect any awkward behavior or adverse change in your relationship, then let her know your true feelings for her in a genuine way.

      If she does know you are a lesbian, I still would try to get to know her better in order to find out her general attitudes towards lesbians and gays and if she has other lesbian and gay friends, family, or associates. Also I would find out if she is dating someone else. If she is seeing someone, then I would respect the fact she is in a relationship and not pursue her romantically until she is single and available. Does she currently have an interest in someone? Again, I would not pursue her if she is interested in someone else. You deserve the best, not someone who is emotionally unavailable because they are into someone else. Once you are sure she is single, available, and has no other romantic interests, then you should share your true feelings for her.

      Good luck,

      Ro

    • Just so you know, bi girlfriends aren’t all that bad. My current sweetheart is bisexual and we’re very happy together. I love her with all my heart and she displays tue same level of affection in return. In short, don’t judge a book by it’s cover, honey.

      • I Think lesbians shldnt date bisexual woman because they can only commit to a man or other bi girl since lesbians dont understand being attracted to both sexes. This way lesbians won’t have to deal with sharing ur gf with her bf (yuck)!

  42. i found your blog from Facebook and I love it!! Lesbians need this.

  43. Looking for a gf:/ no luck

  44. cngratulations.. mine partner left me alone..i am now happy to read the post of your marriage. bless u

  45. Love this!! Just like me and my girl. She’s the tomboy and I’m the girlie one :) but we make it work. We are getting married in May :)

  46. gee, with all the LESBIANS out there, are there any straight women left for us straight guys.

    • Anonymous says:

      lol why are you here.

    • Well, if you’ve got a problem with us queer folks, then why don’t you just get your butt out of this pro LGTBQ site!!! Why are you even here? To make us feel worse about living in perpetual fear of those who wish to harm us for being who we are?! … I apologize for metaphorically yelling, I’ve just had a rough time dealing with hatred and homophobes… It’s not easy, being gay. There are plenty of straight girls out there for you, I’m sure. Just don’t hate on us for loving who we wish to love

    • Obviously…look up the stats…also you don’t really need this site, how did you get here?

    • iheartgirlswhoheartgirls says:

      why so many comments like this from straight dudes? why are you even on this website?

  47. Chimixcole says:

    It vry difficult 2 find such pple,where nd hw cn u find dem.

  48. This was an awesome Blog Love it!

  49. Los demas de eso amor de las mujerita

  50. ola

  51. What’s the etiquette on being friends with your exes? My girlfriend is still friends with all her’s and sometimes even goes out with them to a bar. I’m on good terms with all my exes but in my opinion hanging out and texting them is crossing a line.

    • hell yah

    • Hey Cori,

      I think it is okay to be on good terms with the exes. That is an indicator of a healthy, confident, and secure individual in my opinion. I feel that what should be the most important consideration in this situation are the boundaries set by both of you in regards to interactions with exes.

      How is your relationship overall with your girlfriend? How long did the two of you know each other before you started dating? How long have the two of you been together? Have there ever been any trust issues for either of you during the course of your relationship? What are the specific issues you have with your girlfriend’s interactions with her exes? Have you critically examined all of the issues you have with her interactions with the exes? Are there specific interactions you find acceptable and other interactions that are unacceptable? Are there specific exes you have more concern about her spending time with than others? These are key questions I feel you need to have definitive answers first prior to any discussion with her.

      Have you calmly expressed in a clear and direct fashion your concerns to your girlfriend? If not, please do so only after you have definitive answers to the questions listed above. Ideally, this will open a constructive, healthy dialog which will facilitate establishment of mutually agreeable boundaries regarding interaction with exes for both of you. I feel that what should be the most important consideration in this situation are the boundaries set by both of you in regards to interactions with exes.

      Good luck,

      Ro

  52. I agree with the paying thing. If I offer to take my girlfriend to the movies or out on a date I like to pay for both of us or she will offer to buy the candies which I think works too

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