This article was written by Sarah of The Other Team.
As a certified life coach, I have come across individuals with a wide array of life stories and circumstances. Perhaps it comes with the territory, but I have had many women – strangers and friends alike – come to me for consultation over fear of becoming a lesbian. I know for many reading this, there’s the argument that a woman doesn’t “become” a lesbian, but is instead born as a lesbian. While the topic is quite debatable, there’s always an underlying current and question that constantly pops up in my world: how do I know if I am a lesbian?
The answer is actually really simple and may be mind boggling to some because such an elementary answer doesn’t seem sufficient. The truth is, you just know. It was as though you are born into it. Every lesbian has a different story. Some lesbians, like me, always knew WHAT we are, but growing up there wasn’t a specific term for it. I knew that I enjoyed other girls, but there were always those unspoken words that what I was doing was wrong. In fact, I was what I guess you could call a “lesbian in denial”. I dated guys as a teen and even in my early twenties. I just wanted to know that it was okay for me to be my authentic self all the while dating guys to appease other people aside from myself.
It wasn’t until I hit the pinnacle age of 21 that I realized I knew what I wanted and I liked what I haven’t experienced yet – a relationship with a woman. I’m not saying that it was a particular girl that I was with that made me decide that I wanted to live a “lesbian lifestyle”. In fact, it was me being with another woman that felt so RIGHT and natural. It was a feeling that I didn’t have with any guy I was ever with.
So, how do you know if you’re a lesbian? While there’s a vast answer for this question, there are some main points that can be touched upon to help decipher your feelings:
I Kissed a Girl, and I Liked It
I wish that I could say I remember my first kiss with a girl, but I honestly don’t remember because I was THAT young. However, just because you may have a one night fling with a friend or even kissed a new girl does NOT make you a lesbian. It’s a lot more than a make out session with a girl that defines you being a lesbian or not. It’s COMPLETELY HEALTHY to “experiment” with other girls to see what you do and don’t like. Being with other girls is often a safe haven for women to discover what is pleasurable to them and we often feel comfortable with other females versus the of feelings of intimidation from a man. If it felt good, right, and you want to do it again, the chances are you may be leaning towards wanting to be with women.
Bring Me Some Water
Okay, so you kissed a girl, liked it and are still wondering if you are a lesbian or not. This is kind of where there may be some lines blurred, but overall, if the girl – any girl – gives you those queasy butterflies in your stomach, you may be on to something! Did you know that your HEART emits more energy than your brain? It’s true! So when you feel your heart aflutter, listen to it! Be true to yourself and whatever sensations your body may give off when you are around someone who makes you feel happy (clammy hands, nervousness, faster heartbeat, shallow breathing, etc).
Do you have a special girl on your mind all the time? Do you often daydream about spending lots of time with her, and connecting at a deeper level than just a friendship? I know when I am head over heels for a girl she’s ALL I ever think about. I think about what life would be like with her, how our relationship would be, if my family would like her, if her family would like me…my mind is on a constant loop about her.
Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover
Have you noticed yourself checking out other girls? This isn’t about sizing other women up, but truly noticing women? Do you notice her little quirks, how vibrant her smile is, and know what her favorite things are? While scoping out other women doesn’t mean that you are a lesbian, it is a good indicator that perhaps there are feelings present that you should explore further.
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It is always important to listen to your true feelings and to make certain that you do not allow society, especially those that you surround yourself with, to pressure you into pegging you into a particular label. It seems so easy to classify people into groups – straight, bi, gay – but know that above all, it is about you and your comfortable level. If you feel inklings that you may be a lesbian, take the time to explore the possibility with safety. Go out on a date with another girl. Many girls like to go out on a date with a friend that they may have grown feelings for. It’s often the comfort of knowing that another girl may like you as well that will pull you out of your shell. Do you enjoy watching lesbian-themed movies, shows, or reading content regarding the lesbian lifestyle? While there is often a lot of curiosity that lies around whether or not you are really a lesbian or not, the bottom line is that only you know what you like. Only you can define what you want to be. Always follow your heart and everything will fall into place. In doing so, you will find that you will be embraced by many who care about you, and you can live a life of true happiness and love.